The Soul of Pixar (and maybe us too) with Darren Calhoun / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Darren Calhoun 0:08

But I love this reality of like, what we say and what we've heard and what's been said to us can literally overwhelm us and overtake us and we lose all connection. We lose connection to what gave us joy, we lose connection to what gives us purpose, even though it feels like we're doing the thing that we really love. And it's so easy to mix it up for you know, why am I here on earth with what am I good at? So when I saw that scene, I was like, Oh, this, this will preach this. This will set the captives free through all kinds of theological like frameworks.

Seth Price 1:03

Hey, there, everyone. Welcome back to Can I Say This At Church. I'm glad you're here. Thank you so much for downloading. Today, I brought back somebody that I just love. He does online. I love his work, his voice. And so I brought back Darren Calhoun. Now, I do want to warn you, before we get into here, that we are discussing a movie that came out, and I think probably many people have seen it, but maybe they haven't. But the movie came out. It's a Disney Pixar flick called Soul. Now, I don't like talking about movies if I can't actually talk about the movies. And so I will warn you, there will be spoilers ahead. And that's okay. So if you haven't watched the movie, or if you want to, you might want to skip this one until you do. It's on Disney plus, or I'm sure you can buy it. However, there are a lot of theological things, I think, that run through that movie, as well as a lot of racial undertones in this movie. I had went on Facebook and said, Hey, I want to talk about this. Who should I talk with? And yeah, so this is the result of that. So I really hope you enjoy it. I loved it. I enjoy the conversation. I love riffing with other people about God and faith and in this case movies. So let's go.

(music)

Seth Price 2:48

Darren, what, four or five months ago, I think I finished the transcript of the first time you had joined the show from like three years ago. And at the end, I said we should have you back on. And I'm happy to have you back on. I did not expect it to be on this topic. But I'm happy to make it happen. But Welcome back, man.

Darren Calhoun 3:03

Glad to be here. Good to see you again.

Seth Price 3:06

So it has been like, like two years. So what's new?

Darren Calhoun 3:10

I think two years, yes.

Seth Price 3:11

Why not, time is relative anymore? Right?

Darren Calhoun 3:14

Oh, because it is 2021 now so it technically could be three years depending on how you do the math

Seth Price 3:21

I don't even remember,

Darren Calhoun 3:23

Time is a construct. And we are operating outside of it at this point.

Seth Price 3:28

So what's been new in the nonlinear timeline since the last time that we talked?

Darren Calhoun 3:33

Right. Well, you know, there's a pandemonium outside right now. And that has thrown everything off, but in good ways. Like what I was sharing before we started recording, I have been at home, I already worked from home, but I've been at home kind of building my own little studio setup and watching endless YouTube videos about dream workspace setups. And I've got my little standing desk and my microphone and my camera. And I've taught myself how to produce audio and video. And other than that the band still going we actually have a new song that should by the time this is released, our new song will be out on Spotify and Apple and all that. So look for The Many and song is Where Jesus Was. And I'm still at my church still leading worship, it's been great that even with everything (that is) going on, we've been able to, very quickly, turn on a dime and go online 100% and it's you know, that could still be employed, along with all the other worship leaders. So that's been really good, but it's also been a totally different way of doing church, which I've appreciated, because normally it's it's 52 weeks a year of gotta produce gotta produce got to produce, whereas now it's one once a month for me. And instead I get to spend time exploring and creating and, you know, doing my little projects that have that keep me inspired Yeah, rather than always producing. So I'm feeling good.

Seth Price 5:04

So you, like the many of us, like, well, like when I started this only, I guess I have to learn how to do audio now, like you're forced to like, I guess I'll learn how to do video now, one of these days, I'll figure it out. I actually found a software that was recommended from a guest that I doubt the episode has come out yet, because I don't remember releasing it. But there's a software called Descript, like, like description, but without the tion, and it records the audio and the video. And I could just delete that word “I’m” and it would also edit the video form of fortnight, right? Yeah, that's got like a cost per month that I don't know. I'll figure it out. But one of these days, I'm gonna plug that in there and go, let's see how this works. So yeah, everything I do is always for the first time. And I know a lot of worship and senior ministers and youth ministers are like, Oh, he's young! He's the one that's going to make the online service be a thing. ( Darren laughs) He knows how the internet works.

Darren Calhoun 5:57

We're gonna see such a….I don't know what this is, there's, there's gonna be a lot of awakenings as a result of how many people have been called on in ways that they weren't prepared for, but also had to produce in ways that they didn't necessarily expect. And I think some people are gonna flourish and some people don't be like, “Okay, I'm out two fingers. I'm gone”. So that's gonna be interesting for the church to deal with on the back end of this.

Seth Price 6:23

Yeahs in seminary they told me ministry was “this” you did not say that I had to make a studio and figure out how to…anyway. Anyway, now all the things yeah. Not why I brought you on. So a while ago, on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, I forget when I watch. I watched soul, the new Disney Pixar, Christmas Day. Yeah, yeah, with the family. Which was fun, although I don't think my kids liked it at all. And to be honest, I'm not sure that I liked it at the very end. And then No, I watched it again. And like, I think I do. And so I've watched it a couple times more than a couple times now. And probably spent way too long diving into YouTube videos, and all these it’s just fascinating. But I put on Facebook, I really want to talk about Soul, kind of all the concepts of Soul in the podcast, and I did not expect anybody to comment and my wife is she's like, what is all what is all this is like, I know, I have no idea what's going on here.

But you were volunteered, right? Yeah, that's the word. Yeah. And yeah, I'm excited to do it. So I do want to say, there will most likely be spoilers of the show. I'm not editing them out. So if you haven't watched, so. That's on you.

Darren Calhoun 7:31

All the spoiler alerts.

Seth Price 7:34

Yeah. And maybe there won't be but I'm sure there would have to be.

Darren Calhoun 7:35

So I've been avoiding talking about the spoilers. But it is easier…there's so many layers to it that if you really want the pure experience of seeing it the first time, don't listen, just bookmark this and come back.

Seth Price 7:53

Yeah. And that's fine. Like I bookmark a lot of things that I know that I'm going to watch, and I come back to it later. So the Mandalorian is one of those things, I actually have a folder saved of all of the Mandalorian things I want to read when I'm done. And I have one episode left.

Darren Calhoun 8:08

I haven’t watched my first one yet and I really need to.

Seth Price 8:10

I really enjoyed it. And I've been watching it with my son. And so with COVID and school and everything, it's made it where it's like an episode a month, which is really frustrating when I'm when I would like to learn how it ends when I have 46 minutes left to go and I can’t.

Darren Calhoun 8:26

“This is the way.”

(Seth laughs)

Seth Price 8:32

So what is it about Soul that hits you? What What made you pop it on there like, hey, I want to talk about this, like, what is it that that gets you?

Darren Calhoun 8:42

I mean, I had all the feelings as soon as I watched it. And I watched it with my mom, we have a Christmas tradition of like watching something very fanciful together. It's normally, my previous church would do a big Christmas program, but in 2020, that was not a thing. So I was like, what are we going to do instead? And we picked Soul and we live next door to each other. But we have some contacts. So she came over to, to watch and we were just thrilled with it.

I think for me, the biggest thing is okay, maybe I should just do a list there few things. I hate force ranking anyway. But the the top thing for me was the representation of just seeing people that felt like people I really know in real life on screen in a Disney film. And they weren't these like cookie cutter, fuzzy headed, brown colored people. These were authentic folks with stories and names and personalities and it was in New York. I don't live in New York. I live in Chicago, but I've been into New York several times, and I love it as a place to visit and it felt like real things I saw in New York.

But then there's also the ways that it weaved together these ideas about life and purpose and hereafter, and like they were very specific things that they mentioned in there, we'll get into some of those, that I was like, Oh, this isn't just, oh, we're just gonna make a story. Like it was clear to me that they did some research on a lot of different beliefs and practices. And they inserted them into the movie in a way that honored them rather than the way we see something show up as just like, “here's our faith thing we made up!” it was like, no, this is the real stuff. But it's done in a way that really is aware of itself, as opposed to just being like, “oh, we'll just make it because it's just a storytelling tool”. There's like, no, that's, I've heard that sermon preached in my, in my church.

Seth Price 10:56

Can I lean into the representation because I think that's the first thing that I actually messaged you when I was like, he was kind of one of the things. So as a white guy, I still thoroughly enjoyed the show. And I've struggled to fix on it. So what do you mean by that, contrast it with a different movie? where you're like, yeah, here's where they forced representation and here's why it didn't work. Like why does that work so well in Soul?

Darren Calhoun 11:18

Yeah, I have to think for a second for a similar movie or example. But I think about, and I was raised this way, anytime I see characters, or books, or cartoons, or even the video games I play on my iPhone my whole life I've looked to see are all the characters coded as white? There's a little game I had to play on my phone that is a parody of church. But all the characters are white passing in the game. And these are, you know, it's all a game of people like doing church. But every character is stereotypically white.

And it's just like, huh, like, you've made different hair colors, and you made different genders, but nobody could be anything I live in than white? Um, but I grew up with that my mom, whenever I would get a coloring book or something as a very young kid, I could see the the ways that the characters were drawn in the book, but she was like, Oh, we need to add some color here. And so like we make somebody have curly hair, or we give somebody browner skin or we'd make sure that like if we bought a nativity set and if it looked really, really white, we were going to also buy some paint, and we're going to change that up.

And so I was kind of raised with this awareness of race and the ways that the world kind of defaults to whiteness. And as a kid I thought it was all just so extra why we always have to do this. But as I got older, it was just like, wait, it never ends. It's everywhere. It's pervasive. So when you do see something that makes an attempt, and Disney's made a couple of attempts. The last big one was, and this gets talked about in some of the articles, I didn't read anybody's article about this. So I'm going in with a little bit of a blindness to others opinions. But people immediately bring up how in Princess and The Frog, the first time we have a black Princess, she spends the majority of the movie and somebody even like data percentage number for it, the majority of the movie, she's in an anthropomorphic frog body and we don't get to connect with this princess as a princess. We connect with this princess as the frog. And then at the end, it's like, oh, yeah, this is a human person that we should like be connecting with. And the the critique that many have there is when we tell stories that are supposed to be universal. We either do them with mostly white male figures, or we do them with animals. And then after that, there's like this huge fall off. Even in children's books, there's this huge fall off of characters that are lead protagonists that are anything other than white boys or an animal. So I got way into a vein there. But that's the kind of stuff that is always on my mind.

Seth Price 14:19

So the first time I watched it representation was not the first thing on my mind. Honestly, the music was because I don't really like jazz, and I really was feeling the music of the whole show. And I've also never watched Princess and The Frog like, at all. We were gifted a trip to Disney a few years ago for Christmas. And when we went she was one of the princesses that came and I didn't even know her name. Like I knew the character but I don't even know her name. My girls know who they are. I've never even watched the show.

Darren Calhoun 14:46

Princess Tiana.

Seth Price 14:48

That's right, Tiana. Yeah. But um, yeah, we have her autograph. Yeah, I just haven’t…is it any good? Should I watch it? Like is it worth watching?

Darren Calhoun 14:56

It's not super memorable, but it has its nice points like Disney hasn't had its golden day and in a long time when it comes to like big films.

Seth Price 15:07

It’s not super memorable.

Darren Calhoun 15:10

Yeah, I'm like you know nothing beats Lion King and Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast when it comes to like the golden era Disney film. Yeah, I'm a little biased.

Seth Price 15:22

I want to spend some time on on the music in the show. Because it literally is. First off it's funny. Second off, I didn't know it was Trent Reznor until I read the credits today like I watched. I watched some more of the movie again today. Just different pieces and I didn't realize that Trent Reznor had done the soundtrack which is really impressive. I don't know if you knew that or not. But he scored the thing you know who I'm talking about Nine Inch Nails Trent Reznor.

Darren Calhoun 15:47

Okay. No, I wasn't familiar.

Seth Price 15:50

Do you know who Nine Inch Nails is?

Darren Calhoun 15:51

I do know the name? I couldn't say Oh, they did this song or that song.

Seth Price 15:59

Honestly one of their most famous songs probably is not even famous probably because of them. So you know, that Hurt song from Johnny Cash.

I hurt myself today to see if I still bleed

You know, the song I'm talking about? (Shakes head no) Oh, man, I'm gonna send you some songs. Alright, so we're gonna pivot away from there, but I'm gonna…I'm gonna educate you. I'm gonna send you some songs. Yeah, anyway, doesn't matter.

So I don't know anything about jazz. And honestly, I usually get bored with jazz because I don't know how to play in that way. Like, I'm just not as talented enough as a musician to play. But even from the very beginning it's so comical the way the little Disney Castle comes in and you can hear like, fourth…fifth…eighth grade? I don't know.

Darren Calhoun 16:47

Yes, the elementary kids.

Seth Price 16:50

But I'm curious. So he gets into the zone, which is a concept in there I guess where you can tap into a spiritual world. But how do you feel like music and I guess music in a way like jazz is where it's it's just you just run with it from what I understand, can fit into a spiritual mindset in the way that the film presents it? Like, have you ever been in a place like that? Do you think that's even accurate or thoughts on that whole concept?

Darren Calhoun 17:11

Oh, absolutely. I think it was…it was literal. I've been there. The last time I was reminded of the moment that he said that then place in that place of feeling like you've gone into another place. The last movie that did that, for me, was The Greatest Showman, which the music makes it an amazing movie that never had to be about PT Barnum at all. That's shade. But when I watched that movie, when I watched The Greatest Showman, there's a moment in the movie where somebody is performing and just like the whole room goes silent, right? Even though there's they're in a crowded room and they finish the performance. And there's a moment where before they realize what's going on it's just like, there's just dead silence. And then all of a sudden, the people that have been clapping this whole time, that sound rushes back.

And I remember the first time that I led a song in church, I was probably like, seventh or eighth grade. So you know, you know, a very young teenager, and I led this song. I had never led in church before. I also went to a Catholic Church at the time. And our church was, you know, was African American, it was very “chosen frozen.” Like they didn't clap for stuff. They just kind of sat politely through the service.

Seth Price 18:46

That is my kind of church right there.

Darren Calhoun 18:48

(Laughs)

And when I finished the song, I went over to my friend who was our musician, really talented guy, I went over to him and I was like, “man, how was it? Was it too bad?” And he's like, he just kind of turns and looks at me is like, “you don't hear that.” And I was like, “hear what?” And it was the whole church giving me a standing ovation.

It was completely gone from my awareness because I was just in this moment, singing the song, and then when I finished singing the song I was overcome with my insecurity. And I'm over talking to my friend. He's like, “how do you not hear this”, and I turned around and see like the whole church clapping. And so in the movie when Soul, like talked about going to that place where you're just in another world, I was like, Oh, that's real. That is a thing. And that's one of the things that my pastor, in my United Methodist Church, talks about that this idea of the thin place and this idea of how we can be, it may not necessarily be connected to music, but there's there's times or spaces that we may find in our lives and our spiritual journeys where we feel extra close to God or extra close to the divine or to the universe, however you term that. But it's this idea that's been in various spiritual practices for quite some time. And I was like, oh, y'all got that right, y'all did that. And it was great to see it as a part of this story that connected to so many other things.

Seth Price 20:28

I've had experiences like that singing, never playing, because I'm not a good enough musician to play without thinking about playing. Like getting lost in the way that Joe does. Yeah, I've had times like that singing. And I've had times like that drawing, I like to do art. I remember one time at school in college, like, I lost, like, 18 hours. Like I literally when I stood up, I was like, What? Oh, my God, like, I just didn't even eat. Yeah, and but when I would finish, I was like, I was like, This is good. Shoot, it's tomorrow. What happened? What happened here?

Darren Calhoun 20:58

You know, do that while I'm playing the Sims. But yeah, go ahead.

Seth Price 21:03

This is better not be on your phone. Don't think I didn't miss the I work at a church and I play a game about a church on my phone. Part of me died inside when you said that Darren, part of me died inside. The concept of a soul is a big concept, especially in faith. So I've got multiple thoughts on both the concept of the movie and the soul and maybe curious on your thoughts on this. So like, for me, Joe seems to be, and I wrote it down, like the movie seems to be about a soul that doesn't want to die and about a soul that doesn't want to live and like the juxtaposition of those two things. And I find it almost ecclesiastical. Where they both realize this is all I've got I'm gonna die, this is all I've got. So I might as well live.

And they both come to it, maybe I'm way over thinking that. But what do you think like this soul even is either the way this movie portrays it or just period because that's what I've continued to chew on. Especially those little baby blue souls that are just annoying. In the movie. They just they I mean, I find them annoying, but yeah, where are you at with that?.

Darren Calhoun 22:17

I love them! I thought they're really cute. I want those to become like the next…what's the…minions…I want toys, I want games. I want all the branding and merchandising. Those things are so cute. Especially when they like hell! Hell! Hell!

Seth Price 22:36

(Laughs) He says “h, e, double hockey sticks”. And they're like, “Oh, hell, hell”, right.

Darren Calhoun 22:40

I was like, I mean, and there's that even thinking that makes sense for why they can spell hell. But they're also like little kids. Like, why do you know how to spell you don't even have like a personality?

Seth Price 22:52

They are just conscious beings?

Darren Calhoun 22:55

Yeah. Um, but yeah, so the soul? I think a few things I remember the first time I'll always guess I have a story for everything. I remember the when and this is on a more serious note, my grandmother passed away when I was…gosh, yeah, probably at same time of my life, seven, six or seventh grade, maybe seventh grade. And when she passed away, that was the second time a family member had passed away, the first time it was one of my aunts when I was much, much younger, but this time, I was a little bit more aware. And when she passed, I remember breaking down one day and calling like a random friend of one of my schoolmates. None of my parents were home at the time. And she was also somebody who was a member of my church. And she just said, “well always remember that energy can neither be created nor destroyed”. Like she gave me this very accurate scientific answer. But she was within this frame of faith still saying like your grandmother's not gone, she's gone on but she's not gone.

And that was like the foundation, this quiet little foundation, that just kind of carried me through all kinds of theology, all kinds of church communities and all this other stuff. Also, being somebody who's a little bit of a science geek nerd kind of situation, too. But that idea, I loved the way it was presented in this movie. Because I think churches often don't really help us engage with that, like, they'll threaten us about hell. And they'll threaten us about, you know, eternity but they don't really help us think about this existence and what this all means in a larger context other than getting to Heaven. And so I've, I've always been somebody who's married science and faith together. And that's just been the way the world's made sense to me.

So seeing that portrayed that way, in a way that again, also acknowledges several different lines of thought. I tend to be like having awareness of various traditions, not just Christian orthodox type stuff. But everything from I see the patterns in various belief systems. And I'm like, Oh, yeah, they've hit it in several points. And Jerry, like this representation of, I think the way Jerry describe themselves, was this representation of the multiple dimensions formed in a way that makes sense to you. I was like, Oh, yeah! Yeah, again, God who's infinite and the Alpha and the Omega, that that could very well be like multi dimensional time travel ability, and all this other stuff that we just don't have enough dimensions to understand. I was like, Yeah, I like that. I can appreciate that.

Seth Price 26:07

That line. So I actually wrote that line down, because I found it so clever. And so he says something about

we’re the coming together of all quantized,

and I don't even know what that word means.

Fields of the universe, presented in a way that your prehistoric brain can comprehend. But you can call me Jerry…

which is, I don't know, just fantastic. Yeah, I kind of really enjoyed the concept of the souls, you're going to be really energetic, and you over here, you're going to be a little bit club footed, or I forget the word it was with the gregarious or the, you know, clumsy. I really, really enjoyed the concept. But there is a concept that I've never dealt with in this movie. So the great what is it called? The Great before? Is that what it's called?

Darren Calhoun 26:55

Yeah, the Great Before and the great hereafter, yeah.

Seth Price 26:57

So that's not really talked about in the church, we always talk about where we go after, we talk about what we do now. Nobody seems to ever talk about the before. thoughts on that, like, is there space for that? Where should there be space for that? What should that conversation look like? Because that's what I thought the most of matter of fact, I've begun pivoting to, you know, if I die, I'll go back to probably where I was, before I was. And I was fine, then. And I'll probably also still be fine. And I don't even think that's biblical. That's probably extremely heretical. And I'm fine with that. So, yeah, where is there space in at least our faith for something like the great before? Like, what does that look like with the God that we worship?

Darren Calhoun 27:46

At the moment, I don't have…I don't have a whole lot of answers, per se. But I do have another story. When I was in my abusive church, and if you haven't heard that story, go back to the first podcast. When I was in my abusive church I remember being quite hopeless about change, and about becoming pleasing in God's sight. And that was the impact of the culture that was in, you can never be good enough kind of culture. And I remember getting hopeless, but then coming across that scripture that I had heard before, but it just kind of illuminated, of God pointing out to Abraham, that so as the stars of the sky so shall be your descendants. So for God to point to the star of the sky, a very quantified thing. And say, this is how your descendants will be. To me in that moment, it was, I already knew you, you know, before you were in your mother's womb, I formed you a new you. And also, I put a star in the sky so that at some point, I could point to that star and tell Abraham, hey, that one represents Darren. And Darren is going to be part of your descendants. And so while I don't think that's a literal, like, okay, these souls are the stars or nothing like that.

But what I'm saying is that God, in God's way, had that foresight and that knowledge of of me and my existence and my, and you know, what I would do in the world, and was able to point to that to say, hey, like, this is what's to come, even though it's so far beyond anything that any human could have imagined at the point that it was said. And so to me, that's, that's kind of what that is. It's just like, God knows God understands. I don't think we have a whole lot of specifics. Like in the biblical scriptures or most of the narratives that we have about what is before, but we do talk a lot about what's after. But those moments like that, there are several moments in the Bible like that, that always reminded me, it was like, yeah, there was clearly something important about my life before I existed. And that's usually enough to keep me from like ending it in a lot of ways just to be real transparent.

Seth Price 30:16

Oh my, yeah, yeah, I'm speaking of ending it. So I'm going to pivot off of that, because yeah, why not? So I want to talk about this conveyor belt and the purpose that it serves and go with me because I'm going to ramble for a minute but before I get there, what is the over under that the entrance into the great beyond is just a cosmic bug zapper? Because that's what it appears to be in the movie, you just get close and bzzzt you're done. What's the over under that you think that that's like, that's the that's the pearly gate, just a cosmic bugs after the in the way that it's presented in this movie.

Darren Calhoun 30:51

it does resonate with me on energy, again, is this idea that there's energy that we come from an energy that we return to. Again, I could get real nerdy and talk about how atoms are all synchronized in the universe. And no matter how far apart they are, they're still synchronized.

Seth Price 31:11

I'm just looking for a percentage.

Darren Calhoun 31:14

So it's just one of those things where I'm like, I feel like they in very intentionally kept that opaque. They did not tell us what's there. They never even try to hint at what's there. And they leave it to your imagination. And so you get to fill that in with whatever faith and belief systems you want. And a lot of people were like, well, they didn't tell people about heaven. It was like, well, they could if you wanted it to be. But they left it open and I appreciate it, that space.

Seth Price 31:43

Yeah. So you've seen Coco correct, because you flexed your Disney chops earlier. So in the last few years, both Coco and this movie seemed to specifically deal with the afterlife, just in a different cultural context. But it's not lost on me that in one there is a bridge that bridges you to a different form of existence. And (in) one it's a second life and a second death. And in this one as well it's the same thing. What do you think this bridge is? Either this bridge of what are they flowers? I forget exactly what kind of flowers?

Darren Calhoun 32:21

They are flower petals.

Seth Price 32:23

Yeah, or a bridge that appears to be a guitar neck. (Darren saying…oh!!!!) At least maybe I'm overthinking it. It had like it looked like it had frets on it. Maybe that's just me still reading into the music belt? Well, it looks like that. But it's 30 seconds of it also is really weird to me that he lands with nobody. He backs up to three people, and then all of a sudden there is a city of of souls there. Which is a little bit crazy. But what purpose do you feel like the bridge serves? I guess in either one of these stories, but soul specifically?

Darren Calhoun 32:59

I mean, to me just that the metaphor of the bridge is enough. Like, there's something between here and there. I mean, the Bible does talk about us being asleep you know, before the hereafter comes. The thin place did talk about this connection between there and here and all these other things. Yeah, like it didn't hint at like purgatory or something like that.

And I thought it was very interesting that I could probably venture off into other stuff. But I thought it was very interesting that there were like numbers associated with this, that there was like someone counting and I don't know if you caught that reference. “We haven't had a count go off in a couple centuries”. I was like, was that Jesus? (laughs)

Seth Price 33:54

I didn't think about that. I didn't think

Darren Calhoun 33:57

Because like, there's only so many ways that yeah. Yeah, not that Jesus is the only reincarnation story…or not reincarnation whoops!!! Jesus isn’t the only resurrection story. Um, but But yeah, it was it was an interesting, little throwaway, that it was just like, we'll never know what it meant. Unless, you know, whatever team wrote it wants to divulge that at some point. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. That one I haven't pondered too deeply.

Seth Price 34:29

Yeah. Do you feel like the Jerry's are extremely passive aggressive and everything. The more that I watch it, the more I hear, like a parental tone of “I've asked you 20 times to go away” in there, even the way that they say like “quiet coyote”. And specifically when Jerry comes to say, there's this many What did he say like 100,000 something souls that die every day. That's blah, blah, blah. And that's like 1.6 per second. And he's like, I count everything. I've counted how many times that your blink you just blink five times. Now six. And it's cute that the animated six finger in there when he says six. And then she’s like like, “Oh, that's great. You do the accounting, you go do that, and let us do this'“ and he just leaves, you know, I will do that. And they are like, great, you're doing great. I just find them so sarcastic, and I love that.

I do want to pivot on you'd slipped and said reincarnation, but I've given more thought to that. So when Joe shows up to the You Seminar, or whatever, I can't remember the other word, they imply, Oh, you've been here before? Don't worry about it. Just sit down and watch this for a second. I've caught it a couple times. How do you sit with that? Because for me, it feels almost like if there's a soul being created in this universe, that the personality is me or you has some form of small input in what I am now that I'm here and that it's not entirely so deterministic.

Darren Calhoun 35:54

Well, I hear you on the like, or they sent somebody to become a megalomaniac. I was like, you did you start this movie six years ago. So it couldn't be literally talking about a certain former national leader. But it's so accurate. Right, right? But I was thinking about, rather than seeing it as necessarily, like, this is the deterministic part. I was noticing how there's always this discovery process, right? Like, yes, we give you certain things, just like my Sims, but there's also this part where you have to go and figure your stuff out. And then you have to go into the world not being fully aware of any of this, which, you know, some people might ask at what point was Jesus was fully aware that Jesus was also God? Like, were you born with that knowledge? Were you like, a three year old going, Hey, I'm also God. Like, you know, there's that question we don't have a direct answer to.

I'm more specifically was thinking of how I reacted to the Jerry's was that these Jerry's are his concept of Jerry's. And these Jerry's very specifically talked about humans like, as distinct. I’m like, they made it real clear that what we were seeing what we were experiencing was based on our own perception. And I think about the way that the Old Testament God doesn't remind me a whole lot of the New Testament God unless you do some work to reconcile the two. But it does make sense to me that the people of the Old Testament would see God as more vengeful and vindictive, and angry, and scary. And that the people of the New Testament, after being through a whole bunch of stuff would come to understand the same God in a different light.

And so I feel like the Jerry's were just his perception of God. And he does mention being in church at some point, and the relationship with his mom and so forth. It makes sense that there's some very humanistic qualities that are portrayed in whatever the Jerry's are, whatever this universal like determination, this intelligent design, if you will. It makes sense to me that some of that may be informed by his human perspective. You know, it may be something much bigger and greater if you go on the wings of imagination.

Seth Price 38:51

You referenced at the beginning of the episode that time doesn't exist, or we're warping it or whatever, because of the world that we live in now (COVID time). But time has handled so weirdly, in this movie. So you've got the linear time for Joe, which it appears that he's only been unconscious for a matter of hours by the time him and his cat get back in the wrong bodies. And then also, we've got cats having souls that are also on the escalator on their way to get bug zapped, which is, which is just a funny joke. But that's an entirely separate thing. But I find it weird that the Jerrys say that time doesn't exist there. But then the count hasn't been off for a couple 100 centuries. They need one more minute to work back through finding the spark for 22. But again, time doesn't exist here. You know what I mean? Like it's just, it's just really weird, and obviously times moving somehow, because there's all these different mentors for 22 that stretched out through Copernicus, to Mother Teresa, to Jung having a mental breakdown, which is hilarious. The concept of time I find is just mind bending, like just entirely mind bending. And I don't really have a question for that. I'm more so just curious your thoughts on that because I've seen that you want to get scientific and I'm giving you a reason to. And even in the zone, like time seems to be in real time, but also not in real time. Give me your thoughts there.

Darren Calhoun 40:14

Yeah. So this gets into quantum physics, which I don't have any expertise in. But there's this idea in quantum physics that like, we experience time on that linear plane, just point a to point z. But if you add another dimension, you might be able to get from A to D, without having to go through B, and C. Like if I…we’re on a podcast, but if you were to imagine folding a piece of paper in half, you could connect A to D, without necessarily having to go through C and B on that linear plane. And while all of this exists, at the same time, we who are on this plane can only go A, B, C, D. But if you existed outside of that and were able to manipulate, or control, or be present with this foldable piece of paper then you could be present both A and D at the same time. And if you're still on the on the ABCD spectrum it doesn't make sense because the only way you can experience time is on this continuum. But it's still true even though it doesn't make sense in your context.

And so, for me that concept, that's one theory of how time travel could exist, without like breaking all the other laws of physics or the the ideas we have about how the universe works. And it makes sense to me how, you know, when God says, I'm the Alpha and Omega, that God could be at the beginning and the end, but not have an age, you know? Or how God could have seen a known all of us, but us not see, you know, ourselves and still have authentic freewill, you know, those kind of conflicts that come up if you do the logic behind some of these ideas. So, to me, it makes sense that there's both time and no time.

One of the things that the pandemic is part of how our brains experience time is that we have routines and as we get used to certain things happening, like the sun going up and down, like eating, like, whatever the things of our day are, we start to measure, we start to experience time, according to those things. Ohhh! I could get into several other things. But I try to make this quick. One of the things that I've been noticing, or having conversations about, is the way that cultures embrace time differently. If you are in colder parts of the globe, time is very rigid. And it's very calculated and you don't want to be late to things and so forth. If you go to the equator, time is like this relative thing where it's just like what time is the bus come? Oh, it comes when it comes. How do you have a conversation in the south? Well, you'd have to talk a while and you'd ask how their day is and blah, blah, blah. How do you have a conversation in the north? You get straight to the point.

These ways of engaging and socializing they're very different and how time is appreciated I think comes from the way we experience (time), people near the equator experience more hours of the day than people up north and because of the way the the rotation of the Earth is and the hours of sunlight kind of expand and contract throughout the calendar year. And so what happens is people who grew up with this very widely expanding time, closest to the equator, their time is very, like mushy. Whereas the farther north you get time is a lot more rigid because there's not as much of a difference. And those cultures developed timekeeping based on the the the lunar calendar on that the lunar cycles of the Earth around the sun. Yeah, I think that's the solar calendar, versus people at the equator develop time based on…no I should have looked this up before I got into this part. But people who are near the equator base their time on how many hours of light in the day, which we know changes. Whereas people in the northern and further southern regions develop time based on the seasons of the year, which are a lot more static.

And so you get this kind of two different ways of understanding time, that in our brains, it makes sense that people who have this flexible time also aren't so rigid about timeliness. So it goes to say that, you know, like, there's this I don't know if you ever heard the phrase, but CPT: colored people time? So what black folks say or you know, like, there's all kinds of phrases for it. But like, people of color tend to not be as rigid about time. And it makes sense that we were doing time based on the sun. And folks who didn't have as much sun just had a different idea.

So all that to say, that think time really is something and we're experiencing it, this is my wrap up, we are experiencing it with the pandemic, that when the things that normally marked our days and our weeks, like going to work every day, getting out of the bed having this routine, then all of a sudden, no one is doing it, or many people aren't if you're able to be home and not having to leave as an essential worker. All of a sudden, the things that mark time for you are gone. And that this is why scientists say time seems to fly as you get older because the routines become like even more routine. Like you just do it without thinking. And so for kids every day was a new adventure. Like oh, what am I going to learn what I'm going to see what I'm going to do? And so time just seem to take forever. But as you get older, you know, the routine. Time just zips by cuz it's just a routine. Yeah. So time didn't change our perception changed. And it makes a big difference on us.

Seth Price 46:27

I will say in the middle of that quarantine, so actually, my wife and I had planned Spring Break vacation for the kids when the world shut down. And we were actually supposed to go to Gatlinburg, we're gonna ride some roller coasters, at Dollyworld like here we go, let's let's we rented a cabin in the mountains, we're going to bring the dogs do some fishing in the river, like, no cell phone service it was going to be great. And I remember I didn't shave for like two weeks. And I haven't realized before that like one of the way that I perceive time is like, the first thing I do in the morning is I see how much is there? And like, but when I didn't shave for a few days, like I began, because I also didn't wear my watch, like I genuinely forgot what day it was many days because I was like, well, I used to. Okay, so I don't remember last time I shaved? Was it a Tuesday? It was literally that conversation like I didn't, I didn't. So I totally get it. Like my my rhythms were gone. Everything was shut down. We hadn't left the house. It was cold. It couldn't go anywhere. And I stopped shaving and eventually. That is what broke it for me. Like I knew what time the clock said. And outside of that

Darren Calhoun 47:35

It meant nothing.

Seth Price 47:38

I didn't know was sitting right in front says it's 11. But is it Wednesday? Is it Thursday? Does that matter? Who cares? You know?

Darren Calhoun 47:38

When you’re gonna ask your smart device to tell you exactly when and what day it is…it just doesn’t make sense.

Seth Price 47:42

That’s no fun. So I want to end on a couple things. And we'll see how much time we have. But I want to pivot between joy and obsession because the spark in the in the show is and I think 22 says it like she said like she feels the wind. Like she actually sits down for a minute and he sits down…they sit down? I don't know how to say that?

Darren Calhoun 48:04

They is a good gender term.

Seth Price 48:06

Well, because it's like a different soul in a different man. You know, I mean, so I don't know what that entity is?

Darren Calhoun 48:09

And you know at the beginning it was like this I'm just a projection. I'm not actually this white voiced woman I am whatever sound or voice or body you want to see.

Seth Price 48:18

Yeah. Well, but eventually 22 is sitting down on the steps and fills the wind. And then she ends up saying “I'm jazzing”. Like I don't want to, I don't want to die. Like I'm jazzing. She finds a purpose for life. But then there's this concept in the movie of lost souls where they've taken that joy and that purpose, and they've turned it into an obsession in a way that's entirely unhealthy. And so I think that matters all the more for where we're at in the world and the culture that we live in now, because we have nothing but extra time to either pour in the healthy things, or to take those things and they become unhealthy. And so just kind of wanted your thoughts on on that.

Darren Calhoun 48:59

Yeah, I thought that was another profound and powerful statement that they made with this movie. It was almost like a second movie, because you know we had the first part of discovering yourself and all this other stuff. But we had this whole second half of this really deep reflection about what it means to to be overwhelmed with something. And I think where I relate most of this is is what happens with like addictive behavior, compulsive behavior, where you're doing something, and it feels really important to do it. But it doesn't actually get you anywhere of where you're trying to go.

And I love the way like they showed it as this thing that kind of overwhelms and take selfies but you're still you weigh down in there. And somewhere in there you're rehearsing these things that have been said to you, things been done to you, things that made feel out of your control. And I think I’ll save that part of the movie as a non-spoiler part in here. But I love this reality of like, what we say can earn and what we've heard and what's been said to us can literally overwhelm us and overtake us. And we lose all connection. We lose connection to what gave us joy, we lose connection to what gives us purpose, even though it feels like we're doing the thing that we really love. And it's so easy to mix it up for you know, why am I here on earth with what am I good at?

So when I saw that scene, I was like, oh, this, this will preach! This will set the captives free through all kinds of theological like frameworks! Because I think that it's so true. And Pixar really is intentional about telling certain stories. And they picked that, you know, that wasn't just, oh, here's a happy little moment. They labored over years to create this narrative. And again, I think it does reflect this really important idea that who we are and what we do, I won't even call it an either/or, again, if we're not on this linear perspective of time, and good or bad, or all this stuff, if we just look at what is it doing to us? And what is the fruit of it, if you will, then I think we can see, yeah, you can be called to preach, or you can be gifted at preaching, or you can be an amazing musician in church. But if it's overwhelming you and if it's literally just keeping you enshrined or enmeshed in this and this thing that you don't even look like yourself anymore. Like it is worth asking you a question. Is this really what I'm supposed to do? Is is really important? And for for 22, and for Joe to find that there's something more than just what you're good at. Because 22 knew a lot of stuff.

Seth Price 52:08

Oh, yeah.

Darren Calhoun 52:10

But 22 was like, but the wind and flavor and sound, you know, like these bodily experiences that 22 couldn't have before. It was like, oh, this is what's important to me!

Seth Price 52:22

I'm gonna let you die because you're what you say “your stomach is earthquaking”, and then he's like, I'm gonna go get pizza, because I know that I like pizza. And she's like, “Oh my god, I need this. I need this in my life”. And also pizza rat is there, which is appropriate. Do you know what pizza rat is?

Darren Calhoun 52:37

What is this? Is this from the one of the other universes?

Seth Price 52:41

No, no. So there's a real thing like it was like almost like a conspiracy theory meme thing on the internet four or five years ago, like just Google pizza rat. And it's like an art installation project is what it appears to be where someone trained a rat to literally carry pizza up steps in like a New York apartment complex. And people were like, “are y'all seeing this rat here”? Like it's a thing. So when I saw that flow through, I was like, that is funny. Because if you know about that, like says, Yeah, it's like pizza rats like a pizza rat. That's it's a thing because someone intentionally made it a thing but did it on on like the downlow where they're like, I'm gonna make this I'm gonna put it on the internet. And I'm gonna walk away like Banksy almost like, I'm just gonna walk away.

So that was like, when I saw that I busted out laughing everybody in my family is like, Why are you laughing? Yeah, like just little things like that. But yeah, yeah, those experiences are, yeah, are where the money's at. So I've asked this question of everyone Darren

Darren Calhoun 53:38

Go for it.

Seth Price 53:39

I mean it actually is more appropriate in this episode than it is in most just because of what we talked about. So what, who, is, why, whatever you want to say words for; what is God, or the divine, or whatever you want to say that?

Darren Calhoun 53:53

I just recorded a cover of a song My God is Awesome. I love that God is so profound, and just beyond everything that we could imagine. But still so intimate and present with us.

Again, going back to the movie, that God could be in every part of that movie. God could be like the little, little helicopter seed that falls, God can be that wind, God can be the Jerry's God can you know, God can just be all kinds of places in that. And to me, God is everywhere. Not in like, “Oh, just I see God and everything”, but just like in a really profound, meaningful way God shows up in so many places, that you know, again, internet conspiracies, if all of this is just a thought in God's mind, and we're just like simulating a dream right now. I'm still here for it. Like, that's awesome to me. Um, because also like, I'm, you know, there's a lot that's going on and I'm like, Okay, if we can just all wake up or God wakes up or however this works. See, I'm gonna start like weaving even Steven Universe theories and oh, there's so much that can go into this. But um, but yeah, I see God as this all encompassing, omnipresent, everything and I like that, that's comforting to me that's securing to me.

Seth Price 55:41

Yeah, yeah. So Darren, I'm aware of how hard it is to have a conversation about a Pixar movie on a podcast where we literally don't do a whole bunch of communication ahead of time. But I've enjoyed it. I could talk more, I want to talk about a lot of other things. But I'm going to save some of those because I actually should do some research on some of this stuff ahead of time, because most of this has just been me rambling in the car for an hour back and forth work as I kind of wrestle through some things. And then yes, anyway, so I really appreciate your time tonight. And um, yeah, thank you so much for coming on Darren.

Darren Calhoun 56:16

Thanks for having me. This is great. I love what you're doing. And I love this, Can I Say This At Church, it's soon as I say that name to people they're like, “Oh, I wanna check that out”!

Seth Price 56:26

So I appreciate that. (laughs) I appreciate that.

Seth Price 57:01

So good to have Darren on the show. So very good. And the music that you heard today is from Darren and his friends. It's a band called The Many and you should support their work. I like cried when I heard Again and Again, which is a song that you heard in the podcast, but you will find all of that music in the show notes, as well as links to the playlist on Spotify. And I think there's a counterpart as well that someone else has made on Apple Music for all the music that's ever been on the show.

I hope that you are blessed. Next week, I'm back with Elizabeth Schrader, as we discussed in Mary and Martha and some amazing work that she's put into that and the way that that kind of reframes the gospels I will talk to you soon. I pray that you're blessed. Be well.

Permission to Be Black with A.D. Thomason / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


A.D. Thomason 0:08

This is kind of what we do, you know? We make people think that they have to come under a banner, a culture, a language. We don't give them the permission to say, hey, follow Jesuha, follow Christ, and let your cultural expression be another expanse in God's kingdom. We’ve got to put the sign, we got to put the banner; and that comes to a lot of cultural things. So that's what I'm saying what permission to be black.

Seth Price 0:43

It's almost time to start. But before I do a brief message from some ads that help support the show, be right back.

Hey there, everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm Seth. This is the Can I Say This At Church podcast. And honestly, I'm a little amped up today as I record this intro for a lot of reasons. And I may actually do an episode specifically on those reasons, but we're not there today. Today, I am honored to begin the show by saying thank you to both Chris Bayer, and Shelli Riggs for becoming the newest supporters over on Patreon. People like you, all of y'all are tremendously helpful, you have no idea how. And if you get anything from these shows, consider supporting the show, it's well worth it, I try to make it worth it. And I have plans to make that support even more worthwhile with some special series’ that are going to be released at least for a while there alone. No other place to get them. There's currently a series there on Oscar Romero that I will link to right here in the show notes, but also right here in the transcripts.

Which is another thing that because patrons exists, so many humans, I see it on the website, are able to read and share and quote and discuss and partake in the episodes that can't hear. The transcripts are tremendously popular and they're also extremely useful both to create and to reference back (to) later, and those exists because of patrons. So consider doing all of that. Now, A.D. Thomason is a fantastic person, but he does a lot of things. You're gonna see a lot of references to different things throughout the episode. And I was ecstatic to have him on the show. I'm still a little upset that he has no respect for Big Boi in the group of OutKast. And you're probably wondering, why is Outkast, the music group, why are they even on a podcast about God? And I'm glad that you asked because right now I'm about to roll the tape and we'll see together talk to you in a bit.

Seth Price 3:17

A.D. Thompson, how are you man? Welcome to the show. I'm excited that you're here. We did it. We did it!

A.D. Thomason 3:24

We made it happen! Good to be here.

Seth Price 3:27

Yeah. So there will be many people. I was one of these people that when your publisher reached out to me and sent me your book, I was like, I don't know what this is. But the cover is what struck me I was like, what is this? And then I was like who is this? And so I kind of went down a rabbit hole. And I'm certain that many of the listeners have not done that. And so like what, who, is, our, Adam? Like what what are the things that make you you?

A.D. Thomason 3:54

Yeah, I will say a diverse exploration of humanity to understand the fullness of God, that's the easiest way I could say it. Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, in the inner city, broken home, a lot of typicals that you would assume of a black man growing up in the inner city of Detroit environment. So broken home, dad leads to home when I'm 12, six months later, my mom is severely shot five times. She survives, barely, but she survives. We had to go to school the next day. My caretakers told us because “we shouldn't put our life on hold because something bad happens”. So this is this is like all checking all the boxes of traumatic movie. So at 12 and you fast forward. I went down to Savannah College of Art and Design, so art college. So you talk about this inner city, hard, you don't stop and process emotion situations. Now you're going to art college, where “everything is everything” (sacrastically), you know, (we both bust out laughing) like we sound like ‘98 right.

So I was like, “What? Where am I? What am I doing? You know, like, What? What is going on?” And then I’ll add another one in there because it's not in the book. And then at 19 I had the privilege of playing on a pro basketball team in Palestine.

Seth Price 5:29

Really?

A.D. Thomason 5:31

Yeah, so my viewpoint and appreciation for God's, I would just say creation, is somewhat like Paul. I would say, I've always been struck by Paul's mentality to “become all things to all people that he might win”. So that's the best way I could sum it up.

Seth Price 5:48

Do you think it was the trip to Palestine that shifted your views on God or would that’d happen anyway?

A.D. Thomason 5:55

I personally do. I do think it was the trip to Palestine. Because I just remember distinctly in 2000 how propagated my mind was from the media saying “this is what Palestinians are.” Throwing rocks, blowing up busses, things like that. So even when I was gonna go, I went with a little naivety to like, “Yeah, man, I'm just gonna go you know, for the Lord!”

Seth Price 6:27

Play basketball for the Lord!

A.D. Thomason 6:28

Right‽ And everybody's like, “Oh, man, you're not nervous. You know? And I was like, “Nah, man. No, I guess you know, it is gonna be what it's gonna be”.

Seth Price 6:39

What did you play? Like, what part of the basketball team like what is basketball look like in Palestine?

A.D. Thomason 6:44

Bro, it is one of the most intense environments you've ever been in. Just think of some like off the radar crowded, everybody's there. You know, everybody's hinged upon each other. I mean, they celebrate anything like free throws.

Seth Price 7:06

So it's fun.

A.D. Thomason 7:08

Oh, is it is electric!

Seth Price 7:12

I didn't even know they had teams there. That's fantastic. Yeah, I like that nugget. I like that. You should put that in the book.

A.D. Thomason 7:19

It was another one. So I didn't know if I should repeat like my previous works.

Seth Price 7:24

I didn't read the other one.

I got so many more questions about that, but I'm not gonna. Okay. Because that's…that's insane. Um, so, I actually do have a quote. So the book that you wrote is Permission to be Black: My Journey with Jay-Z and Jesus. But for those that haven't read the book yet, you should buy the book because we're gonna talk about the book and probably going to make more sense if you have the text in front of you. But there seems to be an overwhelming ratio of Lauryn Hill over Jay-Z. Yes. I'm curious how Jay-Z made the cover when Lauryn Hill is like the meat. Like what happened there?

A.D. Thomason 7:57

If I'm being sincerely honest, it wasn't like a sexy tagline “with Lauryn Hill”. You know, that's really like, you know, my journey with the Lord and Lauryn Hill is just like, nahhh. And metaphorically, I'll be honest with you I listened, growing up, I listened most to rap music. So to me, Jay-Z is kind of like this moniker, this ideology. You know?

Seth Price 8:24

Yeah. Now that's fair. So I think, based on some of the references that you have, and I can't remember exactly which ones I think we're similar in age, so I'm almost 39. And so rap music is also the music that and it's now also the music that my son listens to.

A.D. Thomason 8:43

Yes, come on!

Seth Price 8:45

But it's not the rap on the radio. He listens to like Propaganda. He really likes Andy Mineo. He likes Wordsplayed. And he's really enjoying Nobigdyl lately. And that's because I fell in love with Nobigdyl. And so we just like to play with the rhymes. I don't know if you know who any of those people are.

A.D. Thomason 9:01

Yo! Oh, yeah. I know all of them.

Seth Price 9:03

Yeah. Probably Nobigdyl is his favorite. But Jay-Z for me, like I've got that album that starts with it's a hard knock life. I figured it's a blue album. It's a bluish. Oh, yeah.

A.D. Thomason 9:12

Oh yeah Vol II, so you talking about him in the suit.

Seth Price 9:16

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was my entry into music when I got my car. That's the first thing that I bought was that.

A.D. Thomason 9:23

Oh yeah, that's a good entry.

Seth Price 9:25

Yeah. And then I realized that I had some crappy speakers and so I then went on to go...

A.D. Thomason 9:30

Go get some subs and some 10’s?

Seth Price 9:31

I did! I bought a 10”. One 10” sub, and then I realized that it was too much. It was too much!

A.D. Thomason 9:40

Oh, where'd you grow up?

Seth Price 9:41

Texas, Midland Texas.

A.D. Thomason 9:45

Okay. Yeah, so you bang it in Midland!

Seth Price 9:48

Oh man, in my little single cab truck. It was loud. But I enjoyed it, right? It was fun. Yeah, I still love the music. Now I just turned it down because I'm old and you know, it just hurts my head. Anyway. So your book, man, I liked it. I like the stories. But I also like your voice in it like I can remember when you're talking about going to that college, the art college and the first time we've seen like a naked woman or like “Yooooo!!!!!”

A.D. Thomason 10:13

Yoooooooo!!!!

Seth Price 10:13

So I enjoyed the voice in there. But I want to dig into some of the concepts of it. So you talk about and I've got some highlights here Is it all right out of if I read your book back to you. So you talk about generational trauma. And it's weaved throughout the book. But for many people, I don't think they understand what generational trauma is, like, outside of like “dad was an alcoholic. So now I'm an alcoholic”. I think that's what most people mean, when they say that, or maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong. But what is that? And like how does that impact both your faith and your life? Like what is that and how is it passed down?

A.D. Thomason 10:48

Yeah, so I would say generational trauma, I would say is they are strongholds, they don't have to necessarily be sinned. So that's why I love that you're bringing that up. They are the strongholds and pain points that are passed down from generation and generation. So an easy one in America could be, with African Americans, I tell the story of a woman who is pregnant, with said child. Now imagine her being pregnant, and then the slave rading happens, right? So all this stress that's going down on her body. And I build it out. And I ask people a question. I use this at a at a Yale discussion, I just say, “So do y'all think when she's going through all that stress; by the time the child is born, like running for a live slave dungeons, Middle Passage, auction blocks, seeing her husband gets sold off or traded? Do you feel like the child didn't feel any of that stress?” And 100% of people go like “no the child felt it.”

And I go exactly, that's how generational pain points are passed down at the cellular level. Right? And that was explained to me about counselor in another book Body Keeps the Score. And so a lot of people don't realize, even if you're not black, if you could just ask your mom, “Hey, Mom, what was going on when you were pregnant with me?” That'll show you what is passed down at the cellular, chemical, level.

And so when you have a people group that's been terrorized and you put the pregnancies there terrorize, terrorize, terrorize. You know, slavery, Jim Crow, redlining, sharecropper, all this stuff. People (are) like why, why is this people groups, so like, you know, hypertension, high stress, high blood pressure? It is because those things happened a the people and they haven't been able to process it.

Seth Price 12:41

Since reading about it in your book, like, I'll be honest, like, I really struggle with that concept. Because I like to think that I'm something fresh, something new. Like, that doesn't define me, like, my family doesn't define me, I'm in control of this. But do you think that that's possible? Like, I do you get that tension? Where I'm like, no, that's not like, that's not the only thing I'm worried about for generational trauma, like is cancer, like, you know, when I look at, like, my dad passed away of cancer recently, at 58. You know, and, you know, and then just different things. So, like, is that like a valid…like, I guess I'm asking, like, is that…is that a fair critique of that?

A.D. Thomason 13:21

Yeah, it's, uh, you know, it's a fair critique, it's a fair dialogue. I would just, you know, tell people always consider, you know, cancer, again, it's a cellular thing. You know, cancer, leukemia, sickle cell anemia. All these things that are diseases and ailments, there are still cellular things that are passed down. And so when I say generational trauma and pain points, emotional pain points. Emotion is just another cellular thing that is part of our body, right? Like, I was looking at recently the definition of psychosis, and it's interesting, it's very intriguing the definition of psychosis. It literally says, “a person who feels and experiences a reality but it's not based in real life”. But in their body, they say in their body and in their mind, it's 100% real. And it can be so real, that it actually changes the cellular structure. You see what I'm saying?

And that's what is so wild, right. So I have a friend who we were playing basketball. He was so nervous that he took a crap in his pants. Like his body just couldn’t, like for game like, it is a basketball game.

Seth Price 15:00

He's in the middle of the game?

A.D. Thomason 15:02

We're about to play. We're about to play a big game. Many we let him have it! But that's just a fear of emotion.

Seth Price 15:10

(Laughing) That's awful. I feel bad for…I don't feel bad. I feel bad for laughing. But I don’t feel bad.

A.D. Thomason 15:19

Don’t we still mess with him.

Seth Price 15:22

I realized what it was; the reason that I realized we were similar age. So the word “cheat code” has a different word now, then we'll wait that we would use it, but I can remember Cheat Codes like, that's a Nintendo thing. And maybe that like Game Genie. Like you would plug it like, yeah.

A.D. Thomason 15:33

(Laughs) Yes!!! Oh, my God, yes! That is what is in my mind! Game Genie and Nintendo.

Seth Price 15:43

Yeah. So that's when I realized I'm like, oh, the way that he's using this word. There's only a handful of years that like, my son would not use it that way. He would use it in a different way.

A.D. Thomason 15:53

How old is your son?

Seth Price 15:54

He's 11, he’ll be 12 months. So yeah, I mean, it would have meaning and it would be similar, but not the way that you use it. So what is that I want to dive into those because you've got cheat codes, tens and dozens of them like mix throughout. So why why that metaphor, as we look at tackling and “redefining blackness”, I think is the word you use. And in a way that throughout the book, like, why choose that metaphor?

A.D. Thomason 16:18

Yeah that's good. Like, like you said, my generation, you know, for us video games was, you know, Nintendo, Nintendo 64. But the true Cheat Codes first came with Nintendo before the Game Genie—Contra, you know you get 30 men. (We both laugh) You know I still remember the cheat code to get to Mike Tyson on Mike Tyson's Punch Out.

Seth Price 16:44

Oh, wait, there's a cheat code for that.

A.D. Thomason 16:45

Yeah. 0073735963.

Seth Price 16:49

Hey! I've got it. So two years ago for Christmas. My wife got me like the Nintendo redid the Nintendo you know, and it's like a couple 100 bucks. And it came like 50 games that Nintendo owns the rights to. Tyson's on it. I'm doing that, like I'm leaving from here. And I'm going up there and I'm gonna beat him. Because right now, right now, I'm stuck on a guy that I always struggle with that Kong guy like the big fat dude with the with the with the anyway, doesn't matter. We're way off topic. So yeah, so yeah, cheat code, like, yeah, why does that work?

A.D. Thomason 17:21

Yeah, that metaphor.

I thought in general, people feel like their narrative, their journey. It's an approach to life, right? And, you know, if we are playing video games or playing a board game, cards, whatever. You know, the mind can always think like, yo, is there a way to get ahead? Right.

So for me, the metaphor, I believe, is that black folks never had these approaches, these lenses, these ideologies, to kind of get ahead when it comes to their humanity, their emotions. And so when I started going to counseling, it was…the dude was so wise. I was like, “Yo, I'm cheating”. Like, it really felt like I was cheating. My body, literally, my body will feel guilty as I know, how am I able to have this information? And those who grew up with it, you start thinking about my my parents generation, and then my grandparents. And they would have killed for this.

I remember interviewing my granddad, about the Great Depression. And I just remember, it was such a hard time. And I was the first person in his life to ask him this phrase “and how did you feel”? He looked at me like “what do you feel? What is that? What are you talk about? How did you feel?”

So that's why I kind of use that metaphor.

Seth Price 19:01

Yeah, is there a longing this for you to get on Craigslist and find a Regal just to fill that hole in your heart? Like just to buy it even if it doesn't run?

A.D. Thomason 19:22

Yes, (laughs) it is funny. Yes, I looked oh, Craigslist. I looked in Phonenix. I looked being in Atlanta. Oh man I looked!

Seth Price 19:25

Didn’t find one?

A.D. Thomason 19:26

Not one that I think is worth buying.

Seth Price 19:30

I read you like I can hear you in there. Like when you talk to your dad like that. And that's my house, my car. Like That was my that was my car.

A.D. Thomason 19:42

Oh man I loved the Regal man, ya’ll don’t understand.

Seth Price 19:44

So, cheat code #10. So there's a part in here that I'd like you to rip apart a bit. So you say

Don Furious told me the work to ignore and not name the pain is actually harder to do than dealing with the pain and becoming whole

and then what I highlighted is

you are comfortable with the routine of pain.

And so that's what I really like you to rip apart like being comfortable with a routine of pain.

But you're convinced through the code of blackness, that blocking out the pain is freedom and a sign of strength. And you'll never be free until your entire story can be a communication of hope.

So like if you could like just ripping apart a bit, you know, being comfortable with routine of pain. And then what is a communication of hope?

A.D. Thomason 20:22

Yeah, so foundationally we go back to 12 years old, being comfortable with the routine, the pain is saying, man that you know, that didn't hurt that pops left; or that didn't hurt that my mom was shot five times. Like you just stuffed it down, or that didn't hurt the day, you know that said bully, you know, trying to fight me for no reason. You just push it down.

And you ignore because in that environment it is so suffocating and so in front of you. The ideology is to communicate that to anybody, to show that to anybody is like blood to piranhas in the water. Right? So you manage it, it's kind of like when somebody sprains an ankle, they're like, Oh, I can manage this pain and then that management becomes normal. The limp becomes normal. But Don Furious, he was actually the first one that explained to me the delineation between two different types of pain. So the pain of hey saying that her dealing with all these things, like you know, what, if you got to have conversations with Dad, how did you feel when your mom got shot. Like because it's gonna be painful once you stuff it down, and you got to, you know, readdress it. But he said, that will eventually subside and lead to healing. Right.

But the other pain of when people intentionally offend you, or wound you, just because they're malicious. I, you know, I'm just gonna say something, whatever nasty to you or harm you physically. He said that's a different type of pain. Right? That's a pain of motive, and malice. And because the body responds to both pains the same, we think they're the same. Right?

So we think the malicious one is the same as “I was hurt because this situation happened in my life”, right? Because if I give you some personal information, and you say to me, I'm like, “oh, that hurts”, right? And it's the same way to where if you and I are close to me, you know, you said your father passed of cancer and you tell me, “hey, my dad passed”, my body's gonna, “oooohh that hurts”. So we think that they're the same. And that's why we disregard them. If you if you're dealing with trauma, you disregard both the same. But he said, both don't have the same outcome if you deal with them. You know, yeah. And that was, you know, I would say that was blackness. You know, in a sense, there still is blackness. So, nah…I’m not talking about that pain. What? I'm gonna talk about it with you or some other people. Why so they can use it against me? Nah. That's not what we do.

And you don't have the the emotional muscle to not lose yourself when dealing with it? You know, it's like, well, if I start crying, when is this gonna stop!? I don't know when it's gonna stop. When does this road end? You know, like, it's just so unfamiliar. So you rather just, you know, deaden the reality and live in this, I say this middle ground, is never highest number low. It's just endurance.

Seth Price 23:45

Here comes ad content.

Seth Price 24:15

I know being raised, I was taught by my dad, we don't, what's the purpose of crying, like, it's not gonna fix anything, like, just deal with it. And so like today, like, my wife will tease me, she's like, you know, you didn't cry when I walk down the aisle. You didn't cry when our kids were born. Like, I really do lack empathy. Like the words that she's used before are “I'm gonna need you to have some empathy here”. Because I like, though I can't relate to, you know, the racial trauma. But I buried all these other things as well. And so I often don't feel things.

Now that's helpful sometimes, like at work, especially when I'm manager at a bank. And so sometimes when things fall apart, like everybody looks at me, and I'm the only one not freaking out until I get in the car and then I lose my hair. That's what I'm blaming it on. I'm blaming, I'm blaming all that repressed emotion. That's what I'm blaming it on. But I mean, my brother's the same way. Really? Yeah. And like I tried it last year, I made a commitment to try to be more emotional. I try to be emotive and wrestle with my emotions.

A.D. Thomason 25:19

Yeah, well, what are you on the enneagram? I'm not an enneagram nut. But hey, everybody's talking about it.

Seth Price 25:25

Five.

A.D. Thomason 25:26

Oh, you’re five.. Okay.

Seth Price 25:27

What are you?

A.D. Thomason 25:32

A one.

Seth Price 25:33

I’m not sure what that means.

A.D. Thomason 25:34

But what do they say? They say is like the perfectionist.

Seth Price 25:35

Isn't the one like the person that's like, I see something wrong. I'm gonna go do it. Yeah, I'm like, do it and fix it.

A.D. Thomason 25:41

Yeah. And then, you know, they have the wings. So I’m a wing two wing. Which is a helper and a wing nine, which is the peacemaker.

Seth Price 25:50

Yeah, I um. I don't know a lot about the enneagram. My pastor is great with it. He's like, certified and whatnot. But oh, like, like, as a five. I just want all the knowledge. Like if I could turn the computer around, like, I've got five versions of the Bible here, with different commentary. Like, I got books on Islam, they're Buddhism there got my atheist books here. My mystical books, like, you know, like, I just have to read all the things. The goal is do something with all of that. Don't just hoard it.

You know, but anyway, so I want to go back to the Lauryn Hill Jay-Z thing, because I can't let this go. Also, you said that Andre 3000 is probably the best MC out there. And you're just wrong, Adam.

A.D. Thomason 26:38

(Laughs) Oh who is yours? Who you got?

Seth Price 27:41

Oh, so is the other part of OutKast. So I honestly think Big Boi is much better.

A.D. Thomason 26:43

Big Boi! Okay.

Seth Price 26:44

Oh, man, but they rap differently. Like they do. It's different. Like, he's not as fun. He's not as fun.

A.D. Thomason 26:49

Hey I love big boy. Yeah,

Seth Price 26:50

He's just better.

A.D. Thomason 26:53

Yes! I love somebody that loves Big Boi.

Seth Price 26:56

Yeah, I like Andre as an actor. Like, I like his personality. I like his energy and his spunk and how enthusiastic he is. But that's not me. I can't relate to that very well. I don't know. It's okay. You can be wrong. I mean, it's in your book. So you can be right in your book, but you can overall be wrong.

A.D. Thomason 27:19

Most people put Andre in the top five. They not gonna put Big Boi up in the top five.

Seth Price 27:22

You know, but most people listen to rap music on the radio. (we both laugh)

A.D. Thomason 27:30

I love this. This would be a great discussion or but you know, talk about that I love to talk about this.

Seth Price 27:37

Can I be honest? So I want to talk about the chapter “A Little Mold Won't Kill You” and kind of like the themes of that chapter. But I also did not know about this YouTube video that you referenced at the beginning. That's says what you need to know about cutting off the molded part of the bread. And I'm just going to say I also cut off the mold of the bed because I grew up quite poor. And you just cut it off and eat the rest like we don't get we're not wasting food. Matter of fact, if you're really hungry, just shave the top don't cut off the whole thing. Just shave it, you know?

A.D. Thomason 28:10

Oh yes come on! I do know what you’re talking about.

Seth Price 28:12

Oh, yeah, that's, that's what you do. Like, this is money! It's not bread, this is money!

So what are you getting at in that chapter? And kind of not only how does it relate to blackness, but kind of how does it relate to what we're all going on as we begin a new politic, a new church with struggling with where its power is in America and by default the world like, What are you getting at with this chapter?

A.D. Thomason 28:37

Yeah, so I talked about the video I saw where they explained mold. And really what you see has tentacles, below the surface when it comes to mold. As they use the phrase “today years old” when I saw that video. I was like what!!!

So in that chapter, I'm just really trying to explain seeing below the surface. So for me, if somebody if you are a counselor, and maybe you got your degree and you're my friend. And you live with me, you may see these outbursts, you would have been able to see below the surface. You would have saw the outburst of surface level mold, but you would say “Adams hurt. He's dealing with some stuff that he has to process”, right. And then on the flip side, if you know a person gets you and they see outbursts in someone else, well let me flip it. If a person is not healed and they see good acts and someone else they may read negativity below the surface into someone because of their own mold. So there are times in marriage. My wife would do something. And because I haven't, you know processed certain things or mom and, you know, things that I grew up seeing and doing, she'll do something and I go “Oh, you try to get at me. Okay, that's what we're doing right now. Trying to start this…feels like get at you”. And she didn't grow up like I grew up. She's like, “what does that mean? What do you mean I'm trying to get at you”?

“Okay, so now you play that game. That's what we doing”. (laughter) She's just confused. She’s like “hey, we're not in the inner city of Detroit.”

“Okay, so now you're gonna bring up Detroit, that’s what we you doing”? You know, so everything is really below the surface in a negative way. Right. And then on the flip side, you can have eyes to see below the surface. So therefore, a lot, uh, I would say, Don would say, “Adam, you got some stuff going on in empathy and understanding. I know what you're doing on the surface isn't indicative of where you are below the surface”. So kind of that illustration. blew my mind. You know here's this is funny. I didn't put this in the book. I thought about doing it. Bro! We used to, did ya’ll used to boil milk when it got old? Skim off the…

Seth Price 31:06

Yeah.

A.D. Thomason 31:06

[skim off the] top and then reuse it?

Seth Price 31:07

Yeah. Yeah. You also yeah, you just re pasteurize it, you also can buy gallons of milk when they're on sale, like next to next to last day, like, you know, it's like, hey, instead of two bucks a gallon, we're at 80 cents a gallon or whatever? You pour out a cup and a half and you can freeze it. Because if you don't pour out the cup and a half, you break the whole gallon, but you pour out a cup and a half, you can freeze that and then you got two days to use it when you unfreeze it. That stuff can sit in the freezer for like a year

A.D. Thomason 31:31

We did that too! Frozen milk! This is crazy!

Seth Price 31:38

Yeah, I was having this conversation with with a friend of mine the other day, and I was recommended to show to him He's like, “Man, that's not my kind of show”. Like it's not a show about this. It's just a show about being really poor. That's all it is. And he's like…

A.D. Thomason 31:55

What show?

Seth Price 31:56

It's called shameless.

A.D. Thomason 31:56

Okay.

Seth Price 31:57

It's not, it's probably not appropriate for most people. Like it is vulgar, and hilarious. And horrible, and I don't know how to explain it well. It's one of those shows that both my wife and I are like, why are we watching this? You want to watch another one? Right? I do want to watch another one.

And then like, there'll be times where she'll bust out laughing at something. I'm like, why that's not funny. She's like, that's hilarious. And then there'll be other times where I'll have my style. And she's like, I'm glad that…I'm glad that you could laugh at that. Because that's, that's horrible. I know. Yes. I don't know. It's maybe it's therapeutic. Maybe that's what we needed for last year.

So with the concept of like, tentacle stretching down into things. So, upon realizing that, and if the bread is either the church or our country and we can't cut off them all. You can't really burn it down, either. We can't really cook it. What's kind of something that you think that we should upon realizing the mold like how do we address this going forward? Because these last four years, really these last centuries, but especially for, what it feels like, just from what you see what you read is everybody realizes the mold now, there's no way to not realize the metaphorical mold. So what do we do with that moving forward maybe?

A.D. Thomason 33:12

Man, I think what I'm about to say, I don't even think it the people of God can do it in sobriety. We got to humanize each other, and see below the surface. So I practice jujitsu, Brazilian Jujitsu, add that to another, you know, thing that I do. And one of the things I teach you is, your first move is not the move you're trying to accomplish. You got to see two, three, steps ahead. Right.

And the thing I've seen in this schism is we're always treating each other off of what we see. And I personally believe that that is the fundamental thing that we do wrong, that Yeshua Jesus did not do. He was always trying to see beyond what was in front of him. And the reason I think that's so wise is you humanize the other person, when you ask the question. Okay, if you don't agree with voting for Trump, or voting for Biden, or you know, this QANON, or whatever. Okay, on the surface, nobody agrees. The goal isn't to agree. I think that's naive to think we're gonna agree, right? The goal is not to agree. The goal is how do we journey together and appreciate each other's imago dei. But what happens is we believe that narratives that you're so non human or there's no way you could be human, if you say these things, right. And the church specifically shouldn't take that stance but they are. And it's sinful it is Satan.

Okay, well, look at what Christ said. He says

pray for your enemies bless them.

I would look at what Paul says he says

correct your opponents with gentleness

and 2 Timothy, 2:21 and following

correct them with gentleness knowing that your enemy is ensnared to do the will of Satan.

And so even if I'm your worst enemy, he says, Be gentle. And pray that God may perhaps grant them repentance because they have been ensnared to do the will of the enemy. So I'm looking around I go nobody's seeing beyond the surface. Right? And nobody is really in the Scripture. So I mean, we got more what Paul says in the last days, people will be led astray, entertaining, doctrine of demons. Like this is in the Bible like, doctrine of demons. Right? So if you if you have eyes to see this soberly, you're sitting back and you're going, I know that's not your ideal talk, and something's going on there. How can I lean into that? And that's what to me is very impressive about Jesus. And he discipled that, so it wasn't like, yo, Jesus is Superman. He goes, I'm showing you how to treat people. Now, when I leave, you do the same thing.

Seth Price 36:01

Yeah, I want to go back. So what do you mean when you say “permission to be black”? Because the question I'm about to ask needs that context. So what does that mean, what are you saying there?

A.D. Thomason 36:08

You're in a simple sense, the permission to process my humanity without shame. The permission to express, I would say my god given cultural expression, without shame, assimilation, or castration. So say for instance, in general, I've been fortunate to travel to a lot of places. Some for basketball, some what we call old school missions, and trips and stuff like this. I remember we were in northern Ghana, and we're, the phrase, “we're in the middle of nowhere”, makes this place look like the remotest place I've ever seen. Like, I've never been to a place to where ago. If they wanted to do something to me, they could nobody would ever get caught. They never know. That's how far north and out of touch from society. We're in northern gun. So what I'm about to say to you is like what? So we're just going on is uncharted, bumpy, dusty, rickety road. You know, it's like a scene of Ace Ventura When Nature Calls.

Seth Price 37:27

(laughs)

When you say that, all I can see is that hippo. That’s all I can see.

A.D. Thomason 37:36

So we're known as rickety, dusty road, and literally out of nowhere, I see this, you know, Northern Ghana Baptist Church, blah, blah, blah. And it was just interesting. I go “was the Baptist sign needed?”

Seth Price 37:56

And in the middle of it it had a spot for the words the way that like the they do you know, burn and repent, or did it have a spot for that? The way that we do here?

A.D. Thomason 38:09

It did not. I would have cried it if did though. I remember thinking like, “come on ya’ll. Ya’ll know this sign ain’t doing for nobody”. And that's not even the first language that they speak in northern Ghana, right. So I just remember thinking like, “Yo, this is kind of what we do. You know, we make people think that they have to come under a banner, a culture, a language, we don't give them permission to say like, hey, follow Yeshua, follow Christ, and let your cultural expression be another expanse in God's kingdom. We’ve got to put the song we got to put the banner when it comes to a lot of cultural things. So that's what I'm saying what permission to be black.

Seth Price 39:00

Yeah, there's a part in here in “The Conquering Lion”, where there's a subsection called “wrapped in minority skin”. And so you say

without teaching an entire class on the subject, I'll just say that there's one question and three things that make this passage the greatest reality about Yeshua.

And you say first,

he impoverished himself.

And then you say

Yeshua wrapped himself in Jewish skin. And the Romans picked up where the Greeks left off oppressing and distaining the Jews. He did not choose the majority skin but that of the subjective minority Not only did he impoverish himself in brown Jewish skin, he also chose the least regarded region as his home, Nazareth.

Like that was powerful like I never I don't think Jesus is white. And I'm aware that…that you know, a lot of people say that but that's just ridiculous like nobody from the Middle East is white. You just have lost your mind if you think that that's the truth. But being that I'm not a minority. I think I sometimes don't know how to relate to that. Like I can relate to compassion and love, grace, and mercy and the other things but that was so powerful for me. So why is that important that people of faith realize that? That he impoverished himself wrapped himself in a different skin, one that overtly gave him no power.

The reason I think that's important is, so much of what I think is going on wrong in our country is just like Christian nationalism. Which is why I honestly had some issues with the inauguration like Garth Brooks should not be singing Amazing Grace. That's Christian nationalism! And some of the prayers that were done, I was fine with the prayer, still Christian nationalism. Which is the opposite side of the same coin that we were angry at for four years. You know what I mean?

A.D. Thomason 40:48

Oh yeah! And not surprised. So then I was like, yeah, I'm not surprised.

Seth Price 40:51

Yeah. Now that poet, that is, she should have just ended it at that there should have been no reason to do anything else. Just get on about your motorcade and go do your things. Like, that was powerful. She was preaching. So yeah, um, yeah, so the concept of minority skin and wrapping himself and things that aren't powerful. Like, why is that important to remember that?

A.D. Thomason 41:13

Yes, that’s good.

Well, I think. So there is a lot flowing in my mind. Let me say this, in my experience, because I worked at, you know, a ton of churches. White. Worked at a big church in Texas. And so I have 17 years of experience, and I've never heard one sermon on what I'm about to talk about even even from the, “black side”. That is very poignant. Because Yeshua, Jesus, lived 33-36 years, depending on who you're talking to, years on this Earth, but we focus on the last seven weeks, people may talk about the ministry, but they focus on the passion week. Right? Death, burial resurrection. So we always talk about talking about the garden. We talk about “not my will, but yours be done”. They'll throw in the Beatitudes, feed the 5000, and the women. But it always comes back to but you got to talk about the gospel and sins and resurrection. Right?

And you miss literally 30 plus years of what did it mean for him to live in skin and experience subjection like “we don't like your kind”? How did he deal with those emotions, those human emotions? Mary was a widow. How did he deal being the oldest? Right? Mary had this vision from or this appearance from the angel. But we don't see anything talked about that until he's baptized, you know, and that Spirit comes down. So what is that human element when it comes to that? And so just sitting back, and I'm thinking it's very important, because it allows, I'll say, it allows people to understand that he understands that human day today.

I gotta get up again, I gotta face this again, when I go out the door. I'm not from this famous city, the place where he grew up “Branch Town”, which is called in Hebraic commentaries. They said at max, being liberal, they have 500 people in the population, so they didn't have a major row. Right? So we're talking about things like that. And so as a minority, and I would say other minorities across the world if you land that on them they go “oh, he has suffered in all respects”. But we make suffered in all respects, again, the passion week. It is really tough. And I want to sweat drops of blood. That's what we make this suffer but we don't make it day to day forgotten about day to day oppress.

Right, the tax collectors, hey, we want to take the Jews money, we're gonna tax their wealth and put it into Rome. There's literally an attack on this people group. We don't like them! So it’s those things that aren't that aren't preaching, so what you have is an anemic Savior. You don't have a savior who understands both the human struggle and the spiritual sin struggle. We only default to the sin struggle. And it doesn't give people a potent Savior. And every time I start, like talking about these things, they're like, man, who is this Jesus? Then they go back and go, Oh, shoot!

Seth Price 44:53

Yeah. I like that. And I will agree with that “Oh”. Because that happens. All the time, like you all the time, so I've started doing, I listened to a different podcast called the Bible project. And they did something where there's like, you know, he's like, just go through the Old Testament and highlight this word everywhere. He's like, and know that it has two equally valid translations. And like, one of them is this. And one of them is tree. He’s like humans are like metaphors for trees often like, like, which is why the vine matters even more. You can just loop it all the way. And I was like, and so I went through and I don't like these are, this is even more powerful, like when you stretch that metaphor, and then you scale it up to Jesus, who obviously knew the Bible, you know? It just makes it even more powerful.

So just last question, and I'm gonna let you get back to your woods walking or whatever it is that you were gonna do out there.

A.D. Thomason 45:41

I got a compound bow. I just go shoot some arrows.

Seth Price 45:47

Just shoot things.

So, when you say, you know for you, Adam, when I say God, or the divine, or whatever that is, what is that when you try to wrap words around it?

A.D. Thomason 45:59

The divine.

I would say, definitely Addonai comes to mind the majestic one. HaShem, Hebraic messianic, approach will say HaShem “the name”. He's so holy, you just say “the name”. I think of God the Father, you know, is love, and worthy to be honored and gloried. You know, Philippians 2, Christ did all these things to the glory of God the Father. We miss that. I think of sacrifice of Yeshua. And then I take it as wisdom and comfort that comes from the Holy Spirit. And so when I think of the Divine it’s more of trying to communicate to humanity that you can come to me in ways that we miss often. Right?

And so I think you know what, Josephus, I love Josephus, because, you know, he was used as Maccabee, zealot that sold himself out to Rome. And you know, for y'all the Maccabees were a sect or you know, zealots, that they believed in the Kingdom, but they're very zealous, you know. And the Maccabean revolt, John 10, they call it Hanukkah, but Yeshua celebrates Hanukkah, Maccabean revolt. The reason I say that is so with Josephus, he was this zealot, and then he sells himself out to Rome. He always talks about the literalness of Jesus and his disciples. So for me as a historian, who is like “Yo, I rejected that to save myself”. I'm not gonna discredit the fact that this was a real person and he had real disciples. That's huge for me. Why do I say that? Because this man, that they would call Jesus said he was sent from the divine as a tangible illustration for humanity.

So to land the plane, I always think the divine is trying to make themselves or himself tangible for humanity to grasp them. I don't think the divine is disconnected or you know, deistic like, Hey, I'm just going to create this thing. Y'all figure it out. Or agnostic, where, you know, he's there, but you don't know; we don't know.

For my understanding of divinity (is that) He's always trying to make himself tangible.

Seth Price 48:42

What do you want people to go? So they're going to buy the book everywhere that you can buy books. But where do you want people like to go to kind of listen to what you do? Like you've got some fantastic... there's a video of you walking in the desert saying some really powerful things like where do you want people to go?

A.D. Thomason 48:57

I would say Iamredrev.com. So there is permissiontobeblack.com for the book and a lot of assets are. And then if you know when all else fails, Amazon, you just look up my name. (laughter)

Seth Price 49:19

Perfect. Adam, I've enjoyed it, man. I enjoy laughing these are always the fun ones where I laugh. And I don't always laugh. So I appreciate you coming on man.

A.D. Thomason 49:28

Yeah, this is good, man. We got it. We got to talk about that rap!

Seth Price 49:33

You know, hey, listen, listen. I mean, my wife would say you're not gonna change my mind and we can have a heated agreement. Heated agreement.

A.D. Thomason 49:41

I'm just curious like, what if somebody loves rap like I do and now I’m like man now I gotta understand. I need to know what lyrics resonate with you and stuff.

Seth Price 49:51

I mean, I can't think of any lyrics off top (of my head) but though so it's for me. It's not what he says. It's the way that he says it. So Andre makes me laugh though, like Big Boi doesn't make me laugh but like just the cadence of the like. There's another artist that I've liked a lot recently. So NF, which I think I'm sure you like, I don't really like how he basically is rage speaking every single lyric that he says.

A.D. Thomason 50:21

So you see that? Yeah.

Seth Price 50:23

But I understand he's hurt and broken and he's using it to process his trauma or that's what he's selling either way, I don't care. But I will say my son, you know, who has some mental anxiety issues relates to that, relates to that rage. But for me, I'm like, that was a bar. Like, did you…like those words that he just put together Son of God. And so like, I just think Big Boi is better at that than Andre. But Andre is entirely more entertaining. Like without Andre there, they would have never been a thing. But he's been they're definitely both better than Jay-Z.

A.D. Thomason 50:56

Alright, here is my and I didn't put this in a book. Here's why I felt like I had to give Jay-Z the crown on two things. And again, I'm not a Jay Z. Stan. The first one. This man has created so many hits across the years and reinvent himself. But here's the here's the other one that I think is a big point. When he released the single open letter, you know, when he went to Cuba, you know, “I turned to Atlanta to event and guayabera shirts and bandanas”, you know? And then he he says last man, Obama, you don't need this anyway, you could chill with me on the beach when they don't have a press conference at the White House to say that all right, man, we talked to Obama they did not…(laughter)

I go no rapper! Every rapper talks about the president. But no rapper has had the White House hold a press conference. I go, “Alright, Jay Z. All right, my man.”

Seth Price 51:57

Yeah, I, um, I had a friend one time, and he's a friend from high school. And he'll still say this, but he just says it to be sarcastic. He's like, the best rappers of all time are Two Live Crew. And I was like, how is that possible? Man, he's like, cuz they're the only people that literally made the government change the laws about the way that we listen to music. He's like, they went to the Supreme Court and because they're literally written in the Library of Congress and the Supreme Court records, that the greatest rappers of all time. And I'm like, whatever, man. I mean, you can't even argue with him. He's not talking about rap.

A.D. Thomason 52:32

He's talking about trailblazers.

Seth Price 52:36

Anyway, alright, man, I'm gonna go hang out with my kids. I appreciate it.

A.D. Thomason 52:41

Hey, man, appreciate you.

Seth Price 52:53

The notion of shared trauma is still foreign to me. But it makes sense. And the more that I dig into it, it makes a lot of sense for the way that a lot of people treat one another. The way that we don't hear one another. The way that we just seem to hate, easily. We're scared. We're tense or anxious because we don't express trauma well, and I don't think as humans we ever really have. But we can recognize that. And we can do it better. We can realize the mold in our lives and throw it out instead of covering it up and cutting it off for a time while it still continues to spread, and fester. its tentacles throughout our lives, and our bodies of faith, and our families and our friends and our communities.

You should buy this book. Like I have a lot of authors that have written a lot of books on the show. This one is fantastic. We did not even scratch the surface. If you grew up with cheat codes like me, and you'd kind of like some, especially if you're a white guy like me and you trying to come to grips with a different point of view. A.D.’s book is easily accessible, hauntingly uncomfortable, and I think that's a good spot to be.

Big thanks to Remedy Drive for their music in this episode. They're amazing. Check out the links to what they've got. And I cannot wait to have you back next week. Talk soon.

Be blessed everyone.

So, You're Deconstructing with Sarey Martin Concepción and Dan Koch / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Sarey Martin Concepción 0:08

We tried to put, in any given category, kind of a range of, you know, more moderate work conservative…

Dan Koch 0:15

(in) almost every topic there is, there is something like a Tim Keller, Tim Mackie-Bible Project…

Sarey Martin Concepción 0:22

NT Wright…

Dan Koch 0:23

…NT Wright…there's something like a sort of centrist view. That language doesn't work as well for theology as it does for politics. But, you know, like a taking the scholarship seriously, but certainly, theologically orthodox. There is at least one or two, of the 15 or so topics, I mean, 12 or 13 of them. And then a Christian gets to more, there's also stuff that is further left. But it is not like only a list of liberal theology or progressive theology, it doesn't only contain that, that's not the point. The point is for people to find where they're at, and see if they are supposed to be shifting a bit one direction or the other. The goal is not, like I say, on the intro of You Have Permission, the goal is not to make liberal converts, this is a resource to find where you're at and if you're here, if you come to this website, you feel some need to be moving, and find yourself and go from there.

Seth Price 1:20

Before we get going, a small break. Bear with me. I'll be right back.

Hey, there, everybody. How are you doing? I hope the answer to that question is that you are doing well. And that February was fantastic. I pray that March is better. Before I got going, I wanted to say thank you to both Craig Webster and Tina Green, Craig and Tina, are two of those beautiful people that have decided to help this show, continue to be a show and grow and do all that it needs to do. And I am so very thankful. And so if you thought about that, if you've been on the fence, consider supporting the show on Patreon. You'll find all those links in the show notes. And I get it if you can't, it's fine. Totally fine. I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad you're listening. What you should do instead, just tell a friend about the show. It helps out more than you think. Now, there is a website on the internet, which I guess that makes the most sense, because really where else would websites be if they weren't on the internet.

But the word deconstruction is a word that gets thrown and bandied around quite a bit. And because of that, it has a lot of meanings for a lot of different people. But I think if you drilled it down, it's just someone that finds themselves in a crisis of faith. And I think that that crisis can be really from any faith. I approach it from a lens of Christianity, but I know that others approach it from a different lens, because I've had conversation with those that do. And so I know that none of us are alone. So that website, though, is literally called soyouredeconstructing it is the brainchild of Sarey Concepción, and Dan Koch. Now Dan's been on the show back a while ago, I think we talked about in times and a bunch of other good things. I loved that episode. And I loved this conversation, because we laughed, matter of fact, I busted out laughing, just editing it. And you won't hear the reason that I laughed out loud. But the patrons will they get an unedited version of the show. And I can promise you, the pre-episode chatter is hilarious. So if you need another reason, jump in over there. So Sarey, Dan and I, kind of break down that website, the reasons the why some of their thought processes and some of the feedback of people that have used it. I have spent some time on the site as well. I really do enjoy it. I found some new information and some helpful information for myself. So I hope that you enjoy this conversation and let’s do it.

Seth Price 4:43

Sarey, I don't know how to say your last name Concepción, is that right?

Sarey Martin Concepción 4:47

Good enough for me.

Seth Price 4:48

It's not right?

Sarey Martin Concepción 4:51

Yeah, Concepción; you did it.

Seth Price 4:53

I'm not gonna do that again. Not even try and Dan Koch, welcome back to the show. I'm glad that y'all both made time. So from what I understand you're in like different states. So we're now internet…international…intercontinental? Yes that is the word.

Dan Koch 5:04

We're committing. If we commit crimes, they're federal crimes because we're crossing state lines.

Seth Price 5:12

(we all laugh)

I guess so. I'm sorry. Let's start with you. Dan's been on the show before. And so for lazy people like myself, I'll just put something in the show notes. You can hear about Dan stuff. And you can kind of abbreviate that Dan for the first time that they've opened the Dan door. But Sarey, people that are new to your voice or new to your…who are you? What are you the things?

Sarey Martin Concepción 5:36

Just a, just a lady living in Portland, Oregon. I'm from Los Angeles and just moved to Portland, Oregon a few months ago with my husband and one year old baby girl. And I had a long like first career in the entertainment business, music industry, and film industry before just deciding to leave it all behind and get a seminary degree. So I actually worked for Rob Zombie for many years for people who know who that is, working on horror films and heavy metal, and then decided to go to seminary. So I have a very contrasting chapters in my life. Went to Fuller Seminary, got a master's in theology, and then ended up working there for a while, and recently started working for a nonprofit doing communications for them.

My nonprofit does grant work at the intersection of faith in science. And my side hustle is this website I do with Dan call soyouredeconstructing.com, which we're going to talk about on the show tonight. I also have another side hustle of being kind of a filmmaker and a writer.

Seth Price 6:45

So what do you actually like to do? Like, if you could pick one of those and you're doing that I all weekend alone?

Sarey Martin Concepción 6:52

I think I entered seminary sort of hoping to be like an edgy CS Lewis where I would do both. Like I'd write about theology and I'd also write like, my sci-fi, you know, genre fiction on the side. So I am doing both those things. I just hold it down with a day job.

So I say I equally love, like, I'm a theology nerd. And I'm also like a sci-fi, horror nerd as well.

Seth Price 7:19

That's fantastic.

Sarey Martin Concepción 7:21

I can't really get around doing both.

Seth Price 7:23

Dan, what is the abridged version for yourself?

Dan Koch 7:27

I just have to say that soyouredeconstructing.com is a pretty bad side hustle, given that all it does is cost us money, and not earn any money. (all laugh)

Sarey Martin Concepción 7:38

That's a good clarification

Dan Koch 7:41

We pay for hosting. And we spend our time promoting it, and it does not earn $1. So I guess it's everyone else's side hustle on their behalf that you're doing it. So the abridged version of my story, Seth, is that I was in a rock and roll band called Sherwood for 10 years. And then finished that went back to school, finished my philosophy undergrad, took some time off composed ad advertising music, basically since then, for the last eight years or so. And started theology podcasting about five years ago, and then started a doctoral degree in psychology about a year and a half ago. And I host the you have permission podcast. And I met Sarey through a very fun two weeks seminar at Fuller Seminary a year and a half ago, called theo. psych, which was about science and religion. And I was there as a media person, she invited me because of the podcast, and we became friends and and eventually started working on the site together.

Seth Price 8:42

Yeah. So I want to get to the site. I spent some time in it, though, I want to be really clear, not a massive amount of time in it, because I don't spend a massive amount of time really anywhere except for at work. And currently, Canvas and Google Classroom as I ensure that my children actually submit their coursework because of COVID. But I am curious, what is a Holy Fawn, and I'm aware that many people listening have no idea what your shirt says, but I can't stop wondering.

Dan Koch 9:07

Oh, it's a band. Kind of like a…

Sarey Martin Concepción 9:10

always a band shoegaze

Dan Koch 9:11

shoegaze(y) and heavy band that I like a lot.

Seth Price 9:16

Okay, all right. Fair enough. Fair enough. Okay, so, so you're deconstructing…why? Like, what is the reason to make a repository of I guess resources is the best way that I would use it? And maybe you have that in the website and maybe I stole those words. I don’t think I did.

Dan Koch 9:33

Yeah, its resources mainly.

Seth Price 9:35

Yeah. So what's the purpose there? Like what made the two of you get together and say, Alright, this needs to exist in the world?

Dan Koch 9:44

Well, I will start just because it started with a tweet of mine. And then Sarey can fill in the meat because she's better at that than I am. Are you familiar, Seth with the movement, it gets better?

Seth Price 9:57

No.

Dan Kock 9:58

Okay. So it's like, I don't know how to describe it. If it's maybe it's technically an organization now, but it, it was kind of like a slogan at one point for like gay teenagers. And it was like, older gay people started this thing called, it gets better. Basically like, Hey, you know, this is a rough time. We know you feel ostracized, it gets better, you're not going to feel this way all through your adulthood.

And I jokingly tweeted one day, it gets better, but for former evangelicals, or deconstructing Christians or something like some joke like that, and then, like, I think later that day, I replied to my own tweet going, Hey, actually, maybe this is kind of a good idea. And then Sarey was like, I think it's a good idea. If you actually want to do that, I would like to do it with you. And I said, I would love to do it with you then I'll actually do it. And that began it. So then Sarey, you can explain better than me.

Sarey Martin Concepción 10:52

Yeah, we just wanted to make a curated group of resources for people who were in that space of newly deconstructing. And having gone through it ourselves, and having a lot of friends who've been through it, it seemed like something that was needed. It seems like a lot of times we start deconstructing, you might hear something that sounds like an answer to a question. And that leads you to another something and another, something and another voice. So we thought it'd be helpful to have like, a lot of that stuff in the same place.

So you know, the meat of our site, a lot of it is on topics page, where we break it down by issues that are usually pretty salient for people who are in that beginning phase of deconstruction. But we have other stuff too. We have resources about you know, figuring out if you should go to therapy, and if you want to go to therapy, how do you go about finding a therapist? And what does it look like to find a community if you're feeling ostracized from your, you know, your old church community or whatever? So, sort of treating it holistically? I think Dan brings a lot of that therapeutic kind of voice. You know, he really championed the therapy section of the website because he's a budding doctoral fella.

Dan Koch 12:11

I'm a doctoral fella! So there’s this thing in academia called being a doctoral fellow or a postdoctoral fellow. I'm not that, I'm not a fellow. But I am a fella.

Seth Price 12:22

I thought fellows were just medical doctors. I thought those were fellowships right?

Dan Koch 12:26

I think in different disciplines fellow means different things. But, it's definitely an academic thing that I'm poking fun at. So I'm just a doctoral fella. But I am training to be a therapist.

It was important for me. And I think that there also, it turned out to be kind of a cool way to answer a question that I get all the time anyway, unrelated to the kind of topics page of like, you know, there's questions about hell, and the Bible, and science and, you know, LGBTQ issues and all that. But sort of separate from that people often ask, like, how do I find a therapist who knows what I'm going through, as like a person for whom faith is part of what I want to talk about, in therapy. Some sort of wounding, some sort of transition, maybe difficulty with family members because of a faith change, or oftentimes, within a marriage an imbalance of faith change. And so that was actually kind of a cool opportunity to think through that. And Sarey was able to ask a couple professors from Fuller, and I was able to ask a couple of people that I trust on sort of, like, how would you best describe like going about that? And turns out, there are some pretty cool ways to do it. And so we have a little, for instance, a little tutorial of how to find someone on psychologytoday.com, which is the biggest directory of therapists in America, who specializes in spirituality. I didn't know that that was the thing until I started looking through this, to try and answer that question.

Seth Price 14:03

I didn't know that that was a thing until you just said back because again, I was honest enough to tell you…I didn’t dive into the site.

Dan Koch 14:10

That's very, you know, the therapy page is a bit more of like a lot of texts for people who are really considering something and, you know, there's I wouldn't have expected you to find that on a cursory look.

Seth Price 14:22

Yeah, side tangent because therapy is a triggering topic for my family lately. So there are, we've tried to find therapists for different reasons that I'm not going to put on this podcast, at least not for right now. And I've never been so infuriated by a system as the lack of qualified, at least therapy, in what we're looking for. And one person actually refused to be in network and had like a cover charge that was so high it was more than my mortgage, just to get care. And I was like you realize you’re price fixing the rich people to get medic to get medical attention here and this is not right. Anyway, soapbox for the day. But you said that and so I am going to go to that resource. But yeah, that's that's been my thing for the last few months, I'm just pissed at the world about that.

Dan Koch 15:16

By the way that one of the cool things about the world of psychology, I'm sure it's true in other like medical fields is there are these ethics boards. And if you think that someone really is price gouging or price fixing, you should report them to, if they're a doctor to the APA, if not like your state, medical licensure, whatever. And because that's it's a violation of the ethical code that we agree too.

Seth Price 15:39

They're probably not breaking any laws. But that's how I felt like I literally, as a banker, which is what I do, I was like, this feels like red line. And I know that's illegal. So, anyway, so Sarey, do you think that deconstructing is a necessary evil of having faith of any sort? Not necessarily a Christian faith, but just period?

Sarey Martin Concepción 15:59

Um, I'm not gonna speak with a great level of expertise to that question. But I think part of becoming an adult is deconstructing whatever you were raised with. So I think that pretty much everyone has to go through that phase of like, owning what they were given. And from my experience, from what we're seeing right now, it seems like, that's happening a lot where people are ending up really far from where they started. And not just like, you know, not just moving the needle, like, Oh, I'm a little more liberal than my parents, you know, it's like completely being like, Nah, baby's got to go with the bathwater. You know, yeah. So and that's part of the the website that I tried to emphasize kind of throughout, especially in the topics area, on the homepage, and the messaging.

It was really huge for me to learn about the breadth of the Christian tradition. And there's not a lot of literacy about that I feel like. The rich history of the Christian tradition, what the history is, like, thought leaders outside of a certain narrow, you know, succession of, you know, Calvin to Edwards to, you know, Gospel Coalition, you know. There's a lot of other branches on the tree. And it's really exciting and refreshing to me, if we can get outside of the in group out group thinking of certain creed, a certain denomination, and just see what the the breadth of the tradition has to offer. I think it's really exciting. And it can reignite your spiritual imagination, which is what I experienced when I kind of cracked it open and was like, oh, man, like, I didn't even know like, that that was an option, you know?

Dan Koch 17:45

I think there are people who don't need to deconstruct like, it kind of depends on what parts we're talking about deconstructing. It's sort of like, if you're raised, hyper fundamentalist, then in order for you to be a healthy person, you have to deconstruct. There are elements of your faith that are going to be so toxic to you, that you can stay in it, and basically be miserable. Or you can deconstruct. But our friend Tripp, for instance, was raised like liberal Baptist. And basically the thing ever he describes

Seth Price 18:18

That’s a thing?

Dan Koch 18:19

Tripp Fuller?

Seth Price 18:20

No. Liberal Baptists. Tripp Fuller is real.

Dan Koch 18:21

Tripp Fuller is an American Baptist. His parents were church planners. And like, when he describes his childhood, it's like, oh, that's exactly the way I want to raise my child like, he ended up doing some deconstruction, because he studied philosophy and he went down his own path. But someone raised in his shoes, I don't think necessarily would need to deconstruct that. Where it starts to get problematic for me is when somebody in your community growing up or whatever, or in college, or at some point, starts to universalize the particular aspects of your faith tradition, and say that that's the real one, and judge everyone else by that measure. Once you do that, then you have to at least contextualize your faith and recognize it as part of a broader tradition, a broader spectrum, on all kinds of different questions. Otherwise, you are basically being a bigot of some kind or another.

So it's kind of like, yeah, there are people who don't need to. But, you know, most of us, it seems, these days, and especially with the, you know, just the massive ascendancy of white evangelical Christianity in over the last fifty years in America, we are just seeing a huge population of people who I think mostly do have to come to terms with that. With a few exceptions, where their particular church and family and whatever, we're just awesome, other than those people, yeah, you got to go through some of it. But it's very variable, what you have to go through and it depends a lot on your personality and the specifics of your upbringing.

Seth Price 20:03

So, and either one of you can go into this, so what went into deciding which topics actually made the flowchart for deconstruction, as as I guess, as it's related to this website, specifically, because I think you could say you could be struck literally deconstruct literally in anything and everything. So what kind of went into choosing these tents?

Dan Koch 20:23

I think we were both in this world right, Sarey? It wasn't like necessarily difficult to figure out what, you know, I've got three podcasts under my belt. I know which episodes get clicked on the most. Sarey has been involved in all these academic conversations around these questions. I mean, let's say, the top 10 at least we're kind of no brainers probably.

Sarey Martin Concepción 20:47

Yeah, they just came right out. You know, like, there was some super obvious ones that are, we're on the top of the list. And it's clear to, because I can look at the back end of our site and see what's getting clicked on, and it's like, yeah, okay, we were right, you know. But we're still adding stuff. That's the thing about the site to this, the site's still being changed and added to and, and, actually, that was one of the reason I listened to your recent conversation with Brad Jersak was because someone emailed me and said, I'm deconstructing from a strongly charismatic background. And me and my sister, we have questions about demons and Satan. And like, we need resources on this. So I'm, like, hold my beer. Just like, started doing a little research. And, you know, that was one that I sent to her.

Dan Koch 21:34

Yeah. So Sarey right now is working on a new topic around sort of demons, Satan, the spiritual realm. And I just worked on one that just went up last week around religious and spiritual abuse, because that's what I'm studying as part of my dissertation. And so we're adding as we go, as people kind of bring things up that we recognize there are holes.

Sarey Martin Concepción 21:54

Yeah, or stuff is like a broad umbrella that we might break up into categories, you know, as things go on.

Seth Price 21:59

What's been the one that you've been like, God, I can't find any, like I'm struggling to find really good resources and I should add these. Has there been one where you're like, God? I would? That's a great question. It should be deconstructed. And I don't know where to point you. Have you come up against that, either one of you?

Dan Koch 22:16

I have a question that I get asked all the time for the podcast and would also put on the site, which is, “how do I navigate my family relationships around conspiracy theories”?

And there's just some people have some ideas. I found a few good articles. And I've been trying to interview, you know, one of those authors, maybe none of that's faith based. It's all just general psychology around talking to conspiratorial folks. That is like the freshest wound right now, I think, in our little subculture of sort of former evangelicals is like, Oh, my gosh, what do I do with like, when my dad likes QAnon, or, you know, like, that's fresh and not so clear to me. Sarey, do you have an idea?

Sarey Martin Concepción 23:10

Ummmmm……

Dan Koch 23:11

Not…sorry! Sarey what is all about your idea of how to solve that (QAnon). What's the answer Sarey? (we all laugh)

Sarey Martin Concepción 23:19

Um, gosh, for me, I guess what just came to mind was certain types of resources that I wish existed, like, you know, sometimes people do have like an intellectual problem they need to solve, and sometimes they just need to hear other people tell their stories, and to feel like not alone. Like, I was raised being taught this and I'm hoping sometimes I wish there was more, you know, personal testimonies, people telling their own stories of deconstruction, so people could hear and feel, you know, feel that kinship, feel less alone. (Thoughts of) Am I the only one who's taught this?

Dan Koch 23:54

Am I hearing the genesis of some original soyouredeconstructing.com content in your voice here Sarey?

Sarey Martin Concepción 24:02

It could be!

Seth Price 24:03

I want to piggyback on that, because I've had a thought for a while, and a lot of it is, so I'm gonna have to preface this a bit. So I get disgusted with myself often when I see my own Facebook memories. Because I've had Facebook long enough that you had to like have a .edu and go to the right University, to have Facebook. And some of the things that I have said, I don't recognize myself anymore.

And so I'm tempted, those are part of my story and they're valid, especially when it deals with like religion, and my politics and how those two are commingled. Like, I'm ashamed of it. And I don't want it on the internet anymore.

Sarey Martin Concepción 24:40

Yeah, do you delete it?

Seth Price 24:42

No, I hide it, but it's still there. Like, there's a button that says, Don't let anybody but me see this, at least on Facebook. But I'm curious, in a world of deconstructing, and especially on social media, where we're also isolated and insular, where you say the one wrong thing from 15 years ago, and I'm not allowed to grow apparently, and neither you Sarey and neither are you, Dan. How does someone safely deconstruct on the internet? I guess, is what I'm asking because and come to grips with the past that they've also put on the internet?

Dan Koch 25:12

That's an interesting question. I mean, it probably only applies to public figures in the kind of strict kind of cancel culture sense. Well, I guess I don't know. And I don't know a lot about that topic. I know, there have been court cases around like, just regular, like a cheerleader or something, and a court case that went all the way to the Supreme Court or whatever, to play on, you know, like a team or something like that. But, you know, I think for the average person, no one is really holding our old Facebook posts against us. I haven't had anybody do that, although I did have a very interesting, we have to spend time on this. But I have like, almost like one of those Berenstein/Berenstain Bears things where I was like, I had a couple people very close to me, say that they thought that I became affirming of homosexuality, like a couple years ago. And my recollection is that it was when I was like, 23, or something like, 14 years ago. And I had to kind of litigate this. And I had like, call the drummer of Sherwood and like, okay, and call my dad and like, like, “am I misremembering this, like, do you remember these conversations we had Dad? You know, like, when I was about this age”. Anyway, I was able to work it out. But like, that was like the only experience I could think of where someone actually brought something like that up and I disagreed, or I you know, it had some import.

So I'm not sure I guess I haven't, I maybe should be more worried about it as a some sort of public figure than I am. I don't know.

Sarey Martin Concepción 26:49

It's hard. I mean, I don't think the internet is a safe space to deconstruct, but nor are most like, IRL social spaces, you know? It's a discernment process, for sure. And, you know, we have a section called communities on our site where we indicate some, like private Facebook groups or, you know, chat groups or slack groups, or whatever, where people are deconstructing together. And I think, Dan, I think you do a pretty good job of your, you know, your patron group on Facebook of keeping it pretty safe, where people seem pretty open to share.

Dan Koch 27:25

People are also willing to participate in that, it's not all on me. But yeah.

Sarey Martin Concepción 27:28

Right. And people are doing a pretty good job in there. But yeah, I mean, I totally sympathize with what you're saying Seth. Because even thinking of things I said, in rooms with groups of 15 people 10 years ago, I think back to stuff I said, and I feel that like, hot shame, chest feeling.

Seth Price 27:46

Well, the reason I ask is, so a few months ago, before the election, from like, six years ago, so this would have been when I think a lot older than that. So when Romney was running, I had said something and I've been told that I have a way to be very cutting with my words. I don't know if that's true, because I don't think I write all that well, but other people sometimes do. And so someone shared something that I tagged them in. And it's my voice, and I disagree with it 180%. And then I was like, I don't know that I can take that down. because how bad does that look? You know what I mean?

But I also was like, everybody can see this. And that is not who I am anymore. And then I had a lot of people asking me questions privately, which was fine, but exhausting. And I was like, oh, this, this is not fun. This is you know what I mean? I don't know. It's a weird question. And not necessarily entirely directly related to the website.

Dan Koch 28:45

But I think there's a way I wanted to share something that Mark Karris, who is a past and upcoming guest on, you have permission, two different episodes. In his book, Religious Refugees, he's also a therapist. So his book comes from research he's done of the available literature, but also just experienced with clients going through faith change. And he calls it an “unholy huddle”. This is his term for like, this is one of the necessary factors for growth through this experience. You need a huddle of a handful of people that are safe to talk about this stuff with. And I bet if you asked him, I didn't ask him this at the time, he would say this should be as offline as possible.

You know, in terms of like definitely thinking through a therapeutic lens of like, who's this safe person or these safe people you know, this is not something you want to be performative. It's not something about your personal brand. This is like a truly “for you and your friendships space”. A safe place to to process all of this. And depending on where you live in the country, who your community is, you know constituted of that can be either quite easy to find a few people who are safe like that, or it can be very difficult to find. And maybe has to be online because there is nobody in your rural Arkansas town that you could talk about this with, you know, especially then there's the COVID thing as well.

But yeah, it just made me think of that. And that seems to me, very wise. A very wise thing to include in this sort of plan toward health.

Seth Price 30:29

Yeah, yeah. I have Mark's book. I haven't read it though I will say his Divine Echos book was formative in the way that I approach prayer. Oh, cool. Yeah. I don't know if you've read that book. either of you.

Dan Koch 30:39

I haven't read. I haven't read either of them. I read enough of I I often peruse books and and highlight stuff that I want to talk about and look at. I read intros and outros and chapter titles and skim the stuff that I'm curious about. I mean, I just, I'm in school. I don't have time. I don't have time to read any book I want to read basically right now,

Seth Price 31:01

But you have time for the Holy Fawn.

Dan Koch 31:04

I have time to listen to music. I got an 11 month old, music is on all day. We're just hanging out. Yeah! The balance to how much literature or nonfiction I consume to how much new music I consume has shifted massively since having a kid. It's like, and school I'm sure as a part of it, too-tons of music. So that's been actually really great.

Seth Price 31:29

The best part though, Dan, is when your kids get older, and you introduce them to like Weezer, and that type of stuff. And they're thrilled by it. And so now like my kids would be like Alexa play Weezer. And I'm like, (looks at everyones Echo and is terrified I woke it up).

Sarey Martin Concepción 31:42

It's only the first two albums though, don’t go deeper.

Seth Price 31:45

Well, they got that song from Frozen the entryway, their entry point there was Frozen II.

Sarey Martin Concepción 31:54

OH MY GOSH!!!!

Seth Price 31:56

Yeah. What's funny is when we watched that in the theaters in the back of my mind, I was like, why does this sound like a Weezer song? And then when that soundtracks came at the end, I'm like, because they freakin wrote the song! because they've got like a voice. But so, Sarey, I want to…

Sarey Martin Concepción 32:08

I’m a purist and that horrifies me. (about Weezer :) )

Seth Price 32:11

It's no Rob Zombie!

Sarey Martin Concepción 32:14

Pinkerton all the way.

Seth Price 32:17

So it's that time, I have to try to pay the bills and be right back after the small break.

Seth Price 32:49

The part of your website that I spent the most time digging into is the spiritual practices, because there's been one practice that I've done for about two years now. Because of a book that I read, be examined. And it's been I do it every day. But I'm curious as y'all put those together. That's my favorite part of the of the whole website. Because I think that those practices and making new disciplines is extremely important for somebody that's deconstructed.

Sarey Martin Concepción 33:25

Yes!

Seth Price 33:26

Because, for me, I was like, “Well, now I don't know what to do. Like, I can't go to church

Sarey Martin Concepción 33:30

Yes!

Seth Price 33:31

I don't know how to freakin pray! And I don't know what to do. Do I hold my hands? So can either of you talk a bit about the practices section, kind of what went into it, what's impactful for you all in it? Because I think that that is arguably as important as dogma.

Sarey Martin Concepción 33:46

This is so good because I was sitting here, sorry to interrupt you, I was sitting here being like, how do we pivot to practices because I really want to talk about this part (we all laugh).

But you did it!

But I think it was a big part of it for both of us, or it's a big deal for both of us. Dan, why don't you talk about?

Dan Koch 34:01

Well, let me let me motivate a little bit from what I understand of the psychology research on why you had that experience, Seth, and why so many of us do, especially for those of us who have had some kind of legitimate trauma that exits us out of a religious community. Be that, you know, oftentimes it's a controlling pastor or some sort of controlling group within a church, and then you know, family rifts in all kinds of stuff. We can then associate that pain with the practices. Or, for instance, even if you don't have any trauma, for me, it's like if someone goes “Father God”, like I immediately know like, I'm transported back to a certain specific time in my evangelical upbringing. And if I associate that church and that “whatever” with bad things, with really not Christ or whatever, then you know, triggered is maybe a strong word for that. But the well can be poisoned quite easily if we've had bad experiences.

And so one thing that's cool about finding spiritual practices, it is cool that they're older in a lot of cases, many of these are hundreds of years old. But even if they weren't, even if they're just different, is like, oh, there's no I don't have any associations with the Examen. I had no associations when I started doing centering prayer. And the book that was the big one for me is is the fourth item on the list on the website Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Madame Guyon. Who's an 1800’s French nun, and like, just to have no baggage is itself powerful to just especially if you're raised Christian, everything has baggage. Your whole life and family and your friendships and your, your adolescence, and you know, all that stuff is tied up in it.

And so I just think that's interesting to kind of motivate why that stuff can be so powerful. Sarey, but you could be a little more autobiographical, with your own story.

Sarey Martin Concepción 36:10

Yeah, I mean, cracking open spiritual practices, for me started with mindfulness. And around the same time, I started to read about more Eastern Orthodox prayer practices too. So I would do sort of a hybrid thing where I would practice mindfulness and then like, pick, like one verse or, you know, phrase from a verse to meditate on. And it just cracked open a lot of just experiencing God, from what I could tell from when I get experience. And I started to loosen my grip on a lot of things. All these spiritual practices are pretty much lost on like contemporary evangelicalism.

So it was new, it was fresh, and it was moving my anchor of spirituality from just like, getting all the facts, right, to a more lived embodied experience of God. And that ended up being really, I don't know, it's just a real pivot for me, because prior to that, it had been all about getting the facts straight getting doctrine, right. And once you tooled around with that well enough, then you were kind of good with God, it totally reoriented me and, and my faith.

Seth Price 37:21

Tongue in cheek question, and then a legitimate question. So I only thought of this Dan, because of what you said. So when you say Father God in a prayer, like I'm immediately transported to a 13 year old youth group or whatever, but I am curious the correlation of the amount of Father Gods to the prayer coming true. (Dan laughs) How many do you think that is like a percentage of the prayer? What 30%…50%? (he laughs again)

Dan Koch 37:44

I think it's inverse. I think that the more Father Gods you put in, the clearer it is that you're just riffing and don't know what to pray in a public performance setting.

Sarey Martin Concepción 37:55

But like want to sound good and authoritative! Like some folks throw that in like every other word. Like it is bad!

Seth Price 38:07

Yeah, to where you don't even know what the prayer is, anyway, just 1, 2, 3, 5, 26, 32?

Dan Koch 38:14

Actually, can I add a very brief biographical detail on the spiritual practices thing before we move on? Just that, for me, the way it worked out in my story was six, seven, years ago, or so when I started doing centering prayer. People have very different experiences, but my experience was like, immediate of God's overwhelming, joyful and accepting presence. And I wasn't able to admit to myself, that I'm a liberal Christian, I just am! Like, I'm a Christian. I follow Jesus. But my ideas that make sense to me, the theological concepts that make sense to me, are the ones that liberal Christians believe. They're the ones I would find in an Episcopal Church, not the ones I would find in a Calvary Chapel.

And I couldn't actually admit that to myself, probably out of anxiety of being wrong, and being in God's bad graces or something, until I felt that overwhelming assurance of God's love for me. And I say that not everybody experiences that because I've had friends that early on in those days I was like, well, this is the answer. And I would try and get them to experience it. And they would try. And not all of them would have that experience. And some of them did. Sarey and I have talked and we've had quite similar experiences, but I have many friends that didn't have those. And so I don't like to say that…I don't want to push that as like a fundamental part of the journey. But for me, it was completely tied to some of the more abstract stuff that now I'm free to discuss on the podcast and put together this list with Sarey and chat with my liberal theologian friends. You know, all that stuff came after I knew I was loved. And actually after that experience, a lot of the personal relationship, kind of, conversion experience language of my youth as an evangelical, made more sense to me, after I directly experienced God and realized I was a liberal. That's one of the great ironies of my story.

Sarey Martin Concepción 40:11

That's actually what I was gonna say, as you're retelling that story was as a young kid, the Jesus story and that concept of God's love really ignited my sense of like imagination and beauty. And over the years, like it sort of got zapped away. And then, yeah, the spiritual practices made that made sense to me again.

Seth Price 40:32

And, well, everyone's been autobiographical, except for me. So I will say for myself, like, I don't ever get auto…ugh..I don't ever get auto…I can't even say the word on, on my own podcast, which is where

Dan Koch 40:43

You’ve got to! Listeners need to know who it is they're listening to.

Seth Price 40:45

I yeah, I think we've established that the things that I say on the internet are not really worthwhile. But I will say, (Sarey laughs) when I make more time for new spiritual practices, like, I find that I grow a lot in uncomfortability. But like, I have to commit personally for like, at least a year to do something. Because for the first three months, I don't know what the freak I'm doing. And I don't know what to expect. You know what I mean? But that's just me.

Sarey Martin Concepción 41:10

Yeah, it's really hard to foster discipline. Oh, gosh it is really hard.

Dan Koch 41:15

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I’ve barely prayed in 11 months since my son was born. I mean I pray, like, through being spending time with him, but my, my actual discipline of practice, I mean, it's plummeted like never before.

Sarey Martin Concepción 41:28

In the toilet, maybe.

Seth Price 42:31

Well, and this is a bit tongue in cheek, so I would try with my first child, because Dan, this is your first child, right? And Sarey, this your first child as well?

Dan Koch 41:39

Yes, first child, yeah.

Sarey Martin Concepción 41:39

Me too yeah.

Seth Price 41:40

So on my first child, I tried to do the thing where I would stay awake when my wife would be feeding, you know, my son, when we were you know, at home. And I would often get caught not staying awake. And I would be “praying” every single time. That was my excuse every single time as to why my head was bowed. And my eyes were closed.

(Dan and Sarey laugh at my idiocy)

So I would encourage you to pray in that way. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't really get you off the hook. And everybody knows that you're lying. And even worse about prayer, but whatever. That was my excuse, and I'll still do it today. Because what are you gonna do you through the Jesus card in there? So what is the feedback then? So how long is the website even been up? When did it go? When did it become a thing?

Dan Koch 42:19

October-ish or something? it when it went live right?

Sarey Martin Concepción 42:24

Yeah. But…

Dan Koch 42:26

Sort of a soft launch.

Sarey Martin Concepción 42:27

When did we do Tripp’s podcast? I feel like it really like…

Dan Koch 42:32

A month and a half, two months ago, we actually had a launch party on Homebrewed Christianity. That was kind of when we…

Sarey Martin Concepción 42:40

Prior to that we were just sending it to friends and soliciting feedback from people we trust.

Dan Koch 42:45

Seth you were on that list for early looks.

Seth Price 42:47

Yeah, I remember saying something. I don't remember what I said. I hope it was helpful. Maybe it was maybe it wasn't.

So the reason I ask is when I look at everything there, just at a glance, I can see one of two things happening, people saying thank you for putting this together. And for the effort. Because, again, you don't there's nowhere to click support the thing at least I didn't see it at the time, or you're either going to get thank you for putting all this heresy on the internet for you to corrupt my children.

Sarey Martin Concepción 43:13

Oh, my gosh!

Dan Koch 43:16

I think this is actually the time for Sarey to share our first hate mail and it did not come from where you would think it would have come!

Seth Price 43:23

Really‽

Dan Koch 43:24

We've got our first hate email, only one so far.

Sarey Martin Concepción 43:26

Yeah, most people have been like, “this is so helpful. Thank you so much. This is amazing”.

(But the) first piece of hate mail we got was an email with the subject line. You're part of the problem.

(We all laugh)

Seth Price 43:41

All caps.

Sarey Martin Concepción 43:42

And it was so (laughs yes) I think it was all lowercase, which made it even more scary.

Dan Koch 43:49

Like whispering “you’re part of the problem”

Sarey Martin Concepción 43:51

But it was just people, someone who thought that just Christianity was altogether inherently evil.

Dan Koch 44:00

Yeah, progressive Christianity is not, in this person's opinion is not better. It is just like it's worse because it enables Christianity to survive longer. And Christianity is itself the problem from this guy's perspective.

And I was like, wow! I mean, that is…I don't think in 100 years, I would have guessed that that would be the first piece of hate mail you receive. I mean, right. It would be from, you know, conservative folks or whatever, saying we're leading people astray.

Sarey Martin Concepción 44:30

Which is coming.

Seth Price 44:32

I get that argument, I guess. I can see where somebody would make that argument.

Dan Koch 44:36

If we ever get a write up, you know, on Gospel Coalition or something. I'm sure we'll get plenty of those emails. But that would be well worth it.

Seth Price 44:45

I mean, I can submit it as a request. I'm sure there's a “please write about this”. No, I won't do that.

Dan Koch 44:50

That would be great! I'm lacing up my gloves.

Sarey Martin Concepción 44:52

We tried to put, in any given category, kind of a range of, you know, more moderate work conservative…

Dan Koch 45:05

(in) almost every topic there is, there is something like a Tim Keller, Tim Mackie-Bible Project…

Sarey Martin Concepción 45:13

NT Wright…

Dan Koch 45:14

…NT Wright…there's something like a sort of centrist view. That language doesn't work as well for theology as it does for politics. But, you know, like a taking the scholarship seriously, but certainly, theologically orthodox. There is at least one or two, of the 15 or so topics, I mean, 12 or 13 of them. And then a Christian gets to more, there's also stuff that is further left. But it is not like only a list of liberal theology or progressive theology, it doesn't only contain that, that's not the point. The point is for people to find where they're at, and see if they are supposed to be shifting a bit one direction or the other. The goal is not, like I say, on the intro of You Have Permission, the goal is not to make liberal converts, this is a resource to find where you're at and if you're here, if you come to this website, you feel some need to be moving, and find yourself and go from there.

Seth Price 46:09

So, we're coming closely into the time, I've asked this to everybody, and I'm not going to stop because I really enjoyed it. I don't, it doesn't matter. Here we go.

I've been asking everyone, when you say, here's what God is. Like you give words to that. What is that? And so in no particular order, whoever wants to go, what is that?

Dan Koch 46:32

Thanks for the heads up Seth on a question like that!

Seth Price 4633

I gave people heads up at the beginning…

Sarey Martin Concepción 46:36

The questions is “What is God!”

Seth Price 46:38

Yeah. Who/what. I mean, it doesn't matter. Like there's not really a right or wrong answer, right? I mean, maybe…maybe there's not, I don't know.

Dan Koch 46:47

Well, I'll start Sarey, I'll give you some time. But you have to know that I'm doing this for you.

Sarey Martin Concepción 46:52

What does Brad Jersak say? I’m just kidding!

Dan Koch 46:59

By the way, Sarey, anytime I say your name out loud…my phone just…

Sarey Martin Concepción 47:03

I know it!

Dan Koch 47:07

So, like, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this. But I would be, for now anyway, a pantheist. Which is the idea that everything in the universe is within God, but God is also more than the universe.

So to say something like God is sustaining the universe would be to put it mildly, from where I'm coming from. Everything is within God, all of us. Not that we are all little “Jesus's” in a kind of a new agey way, but rather that everything is shot through with God's love and intention, and, and lure and directionality in some way. And so God is both everything in the universe, and God is the thing drawing the universe closer to, and us and everything in it, closer to love harmony, closer to the kingdom of heaven. Where the lion and the lamb can lay down to a to a non combative, non coercive existence of some sort or another. Which, if it comes to pass, I have no real language for (it) because I can't imagine it, given the world that I experienced other than through metaphors, like the holy mountain in Isaiah that Jesus quotes. And you know, all that kind of stuff. That's my answer. I don't really like the answer. It feels unsatisfying. Maybe just in the presentation.

Seth Price 48:37

Yeah, well, I will say, so I have personally learned more about the character of God from asking this question to like 60 people than some of the books that I've read. Which is why I don't give people any preface of the question. Because I don't like that planned answer, because I just don't feel like it's as authentic. But maybe that's just just me.

Dan Koch 48:58

I did my best to make it sound like it was planned.

Seth Price 49:02

Yeah. Well, you did great.

Dan Koch 49:04

Okay. Sarey. Your time's up. You have to answer it.

(All laugh)

Sarey Martin Concepción 49:13

Um…

God is a loving spirit, who sees me and knows me and is calling all people and things to God self. And that's the best I can do right now.

Dan Koch 49:30

That's good. That's really good!

Seth Price 49:31

That is perfectly fine.

All right. So point people to the places. What door do they open to get into this so you're deconstructing headspace. And then where do they go with like, if they went one place first when they got there? Where would you direct people to click?

Dan Koch 49:47

Oh, that's good. Well, actually, one of the pages we haven't talked about that would be a good place to start is the testimonies page. And that is pretty straightforward. I just did a call out to all the You Have Permission Facebook group folks, and had them answer this question of like, describe for me what it was like, going through your own deconstruction process. And then I categorized 50 or 60 or so of these things by topic.

And so on the testimonies page, you can click on any of these feelings or experiences like fear, self doubt, loneliness, disorientation, deeper connection to faith, excitement, anger, and read the real life blurbs, basically, from people who have gone through this themselves. I actually think that's a cool place to start on the website. And, and just to kind of feel like I'm not alone. And you'll you'll inevitably recognize some of that language as something that you're going through whether or not you have the words for that yet.

Seth Price 50:58

So the website is, soyouredeconstructing.com? I think you buried that. So I'll say it for you.

Dan Koch 51:04

We've said it a lot of times, there's no Patreon or whatever, it's just a free resource. Some of the communities that we list, or do you cost some money to be in some of them are like patron communities, for instance, like the You Have Permission one, but some of them are not, there are some free digital communities to be a part of even there's some that are run by licensed mental health professionals and stuff like that. So it's really not, there's no really commerce angle here. Yeah, it's just a resource.

Seth Price 51:33

So I have a community for this podcast, although this podcast is not in my community. Like I don't proselytize this podcast there. I very rarely actually post things there. But it's a form of church for me, I really enjoy everything that goes on there. So if people are listening, find a community at least a safe place community there. There's some there's some ones that are not all that safe.

Dan Koch and Sarey Martin Concepción 51:55

Maybe we should add yours?

Seth Price 51:58

You can if you want. That's not an advertisement. But you can if you want, but it is protected. And you'd have to answer some questions. And one of the questions is like, if you produce content, you're not going to post it here. And that also applies to me. So yeah, I play by my own rules there.

Well, thank you both so much for coming on.

Sarey Martin Concepción 52:18

Thank you so much for doing this. Really appreciate it. And we hope it can be helpful.

Seth Price 52:49

Today's music is from one of my favorite artists, Heath McNease. You should check out his stuff; it's brilliant. Now, many of you have questions you fill in easy with people. As you wrestle with the concept of faith, I would really encourage you to take your time to find resources and to use resources like so you're deconstructing, but there are others. And if you're not part of a community, a group that can help you feel welcome, and hold, there is a list and I'm going to link it again in the show notes. And for those that are reading the transcript, I'm going to link it right here. There's a list of just Facebook groups, and patreon groups, and discord groups ,and all kinds of support groups here that are fantastic on this website. And I really would encourage you to dive in. And there are other groups like this, that exists like there. There's the group for this show, there is the what if project group there is your favorite heretics, there are many, many, many groups. And so if you're listening and you feel like you don't have a place that you can be yourself openly, if you're missing that, know that those exists.

I'll talk to you next week, I pray that you're well and that you're blessed.