Holy Envy with Barbara Brown Taylor / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

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Barbara 0:00

You seem to be hearing religious literacy in the context of a chapter I wrote on Christianity and just how surprised I was at how many Christians failed the quiz on Christianity. So the religious literacy within the tradition was large. Today, when I look at shootings in synagogues and mosques, both in this country and around the world, I see a different kind of religious illiteracy at work. And that is not enough literacy about another religious tradition to be able to resist the stereotypes that are being pitched at us and scaring us. So that the religious “other“ I put that in quotes because that terms offensive to some and to others is descriptive, but the religious other gets blamed for everything from low birth rates to low paychecks to changing neighborhoods. And that's probably not just religious illiteracy, but psychological illiteracy, as well. At any rate, the ways in which our stereotypes of one another are fears obliterate the faces of our neighbors and for Christians that just seems like an abomination.

Seth Price 1:39

Welcome to April, it is April whatever first week in April 2 week of April but Spring is here winter is over. I don't care what Game of Thrones says winter is is gone or at least for me in Virginia. It feels like it's so close to being gone. As some of you know that follow the show on Facebook and or Twitter for those of you that patron supporters, you know that I just got back from vacation with a family and getting back into the swing of things and really enjoyed the break. And I'm so glad to be back. I'm glad you're all here. If you've not rated and reviewed the show on iTunes do that I like to read those. I don't know how it helps, but I feel like it help it can't hurt. So let's do those.

Thank you so much to each and every one of the patron supporters, you continue to drive the show. And if you haven't done that, if you're getting anything out of any of these conversations, I'd encourage you for less than two cups of really, really, really bad coffee for the entire year become a supporter of the show. I'll try to give you some extra stuff as best as I'm able to appreciate each and every single one of you. You'll hear me reference in the show that I sat on an ordination Council, first one ever, last year at my church and in doing so, one of the things that we did was read different theologians that impacted the candidate. And one of those theologians was Barbara Brown Taylor.

And I can remember reading just the few snippets of pages that were referenced and thinking to myself, man, this is really good and I should really read more and then I didn't, I got busy, life got in the way in shame on me. So I was surprised pleasantly in I think it's February, maybe January that the book just showed up, read through it, devoured it and read portions of it again. Barbara's book, Holy Envy is fantastic. And it gives words to things that I've struggled to explain well to other people. I love this conversation. I think you're in for a treat. So here we go. Roll the tape on a conversation with Barbara Brown Taylor.

Seth Price 4:03

Barbara Brown Taylor, I'm so happy to welcome you to the show. I know we've rescheduled this a few times. We're both extremely busy. You just had a book come out. So I'm sure you're going to be in 97 different states over the next few months. But thank you for taking time this morning to be here with me-welcome.

Barbara 4:18

Thank you so much for having me, Seth. I'm looking forward to our conversation.

Seth Price 4:22

Me too! I want to be upfront. I see a lot of your quotes and I hear a lot of people reference you and it wasn't until I sat on an ordination Council for our current youth minister. And he had referenced some of your work and I read bits and pieces and snippets of theologians that impact him. And I remember writing down I should probably at one time or another figure out how to speak with you. But I wanted to read more of your work first and I didn't give it much thought since then, because I'm busy, you're busy, everybody's busy. And then out of random, your book arrived in the mail and I was like I know this name. (Laughter from Barbara) So I didn't really know what to expect as I cracked open your latest book. And then I basically read it in its entirety over the course of a few bad baseball practices for my son, you know, under under stadium lighting, outside, Virginia in the freezing early March.

Before we get there, though, you get this question often. And so I apologize. But I know a lot of the audience of this show lives outside the normal circles. And so can you briefly just kind of tell us a bit about what makes you you?

Barbara 5:28

Gosh, so we got about 9 or 10 hours for this, right?

Seth Price 5:33

Absolutely.

Barbara 5:35

Yeah, this is a medium that's just right for a narcissist. So let me keep it short.

I spent fifteen years in parish ministry, surprisingly switched to teaching college in 1998. So I've had two, long-ish, vocations, one in parish ministry full time and then one full time in the classroom. The latest book Holy Envy comes out of the classroom.

So I'm ordained person in the Episcopal Church but now working in what's called in our tradition non-stipendiary which means I don't get paid. But I am Episcopal, what else…I live rurally, he been married a long time to the same guy, and have too many chickens.

Seth Price 6:22

How many is too many?

Barbara 6:23

Oh, when you can't count them anymore, and when they come on your porch every afternoon to eat the dog food and leave reminders of themselves.

Seth Price 6:31

I mean, you could put them in a pen.

Barbara 6:35

Ugghhh

Seth Price 6:36

That’s funny. So, I am curious. So I've not yet spoken to someone that went the direction that you did vocationally. And as I read kind of, you know, just in the very small beginning of your book of you know, the way that from what I understand, you didn't really grow up religious and so you went in with different questions and someone like myself that grew up in the bible belt or something similar to that the inherent viewer lens of God. So you went into ministry with a different mindset. And then you took that different mindset into teaching. But why did you feel that you needed to leave vocational, I guess pastoring ministering? I'm not sure what the right verb is.

Barbara 7:16

Sure, I hadn't really thought about that. I mean, so many people right now who identify themselves as reconstructed Christians or revisionist Christians. And I didn't have anything to revision or reconstruct except, you know, this many years now in in one church and visiting a lot of them. But I think what happened to me, or what I created for myself is completely typical is the life of ordained ministry, whether it's in a large congregation or a small one is extremely demanding, especially for someone who identifies as introverted and finds coffee hour much, much harder than anything else that happens on a Sunday morning. So I would say that, you know, for those reasons, above all others I simply wore out. I wore out in 1997 church was growing but it was a tiny still is a beautiful, tiny, historic church that seats 82 people. And we were up to four services on Sunday morning and God did not give me a vision of how to move forward. So, around that time college just six miles away started a religion and philosophy major and invited me to teach without a PhD. How many people get that invitation? So I taught one on one of everything.

Seth Price 8:32

What else have you taught besides world religions?

Barbara 8:35

Well, I was the only religion professor, you know of record at the college so you name it and and I taught it. Intro to the Bible, Intro to Christian theology, Intro to world religions, you know, intro to intro to..intro to…and that was perfect because I didn't have an advanced degree or at least PhD in religious studies. So it was a job made in heaven for me.

Seth Price 9:00

I want to weave my way throughout our conversation a bit about a why you needed or you felt called to write this book because it seems like there's two tones in it. It almost feels like you intended to write something else and then it turned into something deeply more personal but maybe I'm reading into that.

Barbara 9:16

No! You’re just a really perspicacious reader. That's exactly right!

Seth Price 9:19

I don’t know what that word means.

Barbara 9:21

That's one of my goals in life is to send everyone to their dictionary! So good luck!

Seth Price 9:26

How do I spell it then? And I’ll look it up.

Barbara 9:30

It was a compliment. I'll put it that way first. Seth is looking it up right now!

Seth Price 9:34

I will, I wrote it down or misspelled it. But so what do you what do you mean when you say that, like that's true? What I'm reading is true?

Barbara 9:43

You are good. Yeah, you're really good. reader. This is the fourth book that left the third person plural pronoun of we, which I used a lot in churches, we believe we're called to, you know, “we we we” when I left parish ministry, and when into a classroom where that we did not fit the students sitting in front of me who came from all kinds of religious traditions and none. I started writing in the first person instead. I started writing books that started with I. But that's always been hard for me.

So I think four times in a row now I've written a book that was supposed to be about other people. And the editor came back and said, Where are you? Where are you? We need more you in here. And because he's an editor I've been with for a while I listened to him. But you did see me step out more and more in that book than I was really comfortable doing. But it seems only fair if a reader is going to give it the time and open a heart then it's my job to do that first.

Seth Price 10:46

I want to reference something that you touch on early on. So you say I always write page notes you say right, like around page 19 that you struggle to answer the question. I think a student asked of you if you know hey Barbara what kind of course Christian are you?

So I'm curious how you answer that today? Because I know my answer has changed. Well shoot the other day, just a few. A few weeks ago, I interviewed a different person over at Cambridge, a Catholic priest. And he asked me that question, and I really stumbled with how to answer it. But people don't often ask it to me. But it was uncomfortable that I didn't really have a elevator pitch of Christianity. So I'm curious how you answer that?

Barbara 11:25

Well, at least you and he knew that that was a question to be asked; part of teaching world religions was realizing when you've met one Buddhists, you've met one. And when you've met one Christian, you've met one. And Christianity, as still the largest religious tradition worldwide, I think sometimes refers too often to itself in the singular when it's incredibly plural. So it's a good question to ask and like you, I find myself either caught up short or reaching for cliches that don't help at all. You know, to say I'm an evangelical or I'm a liberal or I'm a conservative or Baptist that doesn't seem to help anybody anymore. But I'm more and more happy identifying myself as kind of an outlaw Christian, which is I still include myself in the tribe, there are others who would not include me in the tribe. But Richard Rohr uses the phrase about being on the inside edge of an organization; not outside and not at the center, but at the inside edge. And that's a place that I'm comfortable being because I can talk to people inside and outside.

Seth Price 12:28

Yeah, building on that outlaw metaphor. If there was a Most Wanted list, like where would they where would they post your picture and who else is next to you?

Barbara 12:39

Well, you could read my one star review on Amazon. (So much laughter from both!) I've had a lot of bad reviews based on my titles.

Seth Price 12:48

Really?

Barbara 12:50

Yeah, I think you know, of course, I would be outlawed by people who do not want even to talk about in what sense is Jesus the only way to God; or in what sense is God present only in Christianity? You know, in what sense is ordained ministry in the Christian church only for men; or in what sense…I mean, I don't even need to be right about any of those. I just want badly to be in conversation with people who are as eager as I am to expand my brains about what we use to put each other in or outside, you know, I mean, what, what is our criterion for who's in and who's out. So my most wanted poster would be at the…see it’d be right at the very center of the target, but it depends on what target it is. I mean, I'm a bad person in one tradition for a different reason than I am in another.

You know, for some people, women shouldn't be ordained and so immediately, I have nothing to offer and for other people, it would be straying from Nicene Creedal affirmations about literal under standings of miraculous things so I can never tell that's why I don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about it.

Seth Price 14:06

Sure. You referenced, and I'm I might be inferring this, that so many of the students and so I find it odd that the denomination at least based on Barna research and other research that is quote unquote religious but also not very Christian. I guess if you're going to give people categories on a on a census thing are the demographic that you've had the biggest impact on or arguably probably have had also the biggest impact on you, but you reference in your book like a rote religious illiteracy and then you also say that that's a luxury that we can't afford. But I'd like to define that. When you say like religious illiteracy what do you actually mean like to break that apart? And I can understand what we can't afford it because if I can't explain my faith to my nine year old, then really what is my faith? What are what are some of those high level, or maybe even medium level, illiterate portions of, I guess, faith in general, but Christianity, but probably faith in general, regardless of the religion?

Barbara 15:12

So you raise a great question, I wonder if there is faith in general; but we can talk about that as we go along. First of all, you seem to be hearing religious literacy in the context of a chapter I wrote on Christianity, and it was just how surprised I was at how many Christians failed the quiz on Christianity. So the religious literacy within the tradition was large. Today, when I look at shootings in synagogues and mosques, both in this country and around the world, I see a different kind of religious illiteracy at work and that is not enough literacy about another religious tradition to be able to resist the stereotypes that are being pitched at us and scaring us. So that the religious “other” I put that in quotes because that terms offensive to some and to others is descriptive but the religious other gets blamed for everything from low birth rates to low paychecks to changing neighborhoods. And that's probably not just religious illiteracy but psychological illiteracy as well. At any rate, the ways in which are stereotypes of one another, our fears, obliterate the faces of our neighbors and for Christians that just seems like an abomination.

Seth Price 16:27

Yeah, well, how do we get past that because it almost seems like the human mind is wired to inherently distrust others. And like, you insulate yourself inside your immediate family in your immediate safety net — and —America, at least for at least the America I live in; I don't really have to get out of that safety net unless I intentionally do so. Which makes everyone uncomfortable. And I'm also I know I'm getting better at it, but I'm by no means good at it. So how do we work our way in and around that?

Barbara 16:58

You just made a great case. For religion, because I can only speak with, you know, even a modicum of authority about the Abrahamic faiths of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, but it's astonishing to me how they have central teachings about the stranger; hospitality to the one who is not like us who comes from outside not to convert and stay with us, but to go back to where he or she came from. I mean, think of the Magi, the three wise men in Matthew's Gospel, they didn't become followers of the baby Jesus and move into a house next door Bethlehem, they went back home to Persia, where they were probably Zoroastrian priests. But I think that the sacred texts that I know best hold open this frightening space for the “other”. Sometimes the language is for the brother or sister and I think when people whose sacred texts they are read those they think, oh, that means people just like me, people to whom I'm related by faith or kinship somehow, but that's not what the text says it's says that if you can't love the people, you do see, you can't love the God you don't see. So it's amazing to me how these sacred texts hold the antidote for people who read them in exclusive ways, in ways that would, would try to eliminate the stranger, the other no one who doesn't look like us.

Seth Price 18:25

Does that same thread, and, and this, again, will be me in my ignorance. I know, I invest so much time into each interview that I don't really read much outside of what I'm interviewing about, which is why I tried to intentionally push where I go, you know, I'm trying to push my margins out wider, because I don't want to be an echo chamber, in and of myself. And even then in some subset of deconstruction, or I think I'm beyond that part of my life, but a lot of people aren't and so I don't want to be an echo chamber in in my own little community. Do you find that that inherent what seems like as I read the different chapters, and you talk on different, broad strokes of different religions, the tension seems to be at least the way that you write that everywhere else that you and your, you took your students, you know, on all these trips to kind of engage intentionally in community, not in book knowledge, that the fear of other was mostly insular in the people on the van or the bus with you and that the communities themselves were open arms, feel comfortable, ask your questions. It's okay. So do other faiths in general. treat other more? Well, that's not even a good sentence than we do?

Barbara 19:38

There's no “in general”. So the thing to pay attention to in the example you just used is I researched and I chose communities that were eager to be known and eager to host students who were eager to learn. So we didn't walk cold into places where people were not expecting us that principle could be applied to anybody anywhere. You don't have to be in a class in a college. But should you decide you want more for your imagination to work with than what you're getting from Hollywood, or the headlines, or the internet, then you go out of your way, you know, to find something like the pluralism project at Harvard www.pluralism.org. Go there and listen to interviews with people from 13 faiths, all in the United States. You know, none of this is global it's all about diversity of religion in the United States. But that site alone, you could spend a year on and buy a terrific book find someplace in your own community that's open to visitors. There's now a “visit a mosque Saturday” in most communities where you can go on a Saturday and have some cookies and meet some people to give your imagination something better to work with.

You can read a book, a novel, poetry, by someone from another tradition I gave my granddaughter copy of The Way of the Bodhisattva because she's not a church person. And she called me one night and said, this is like a Bible, what is this? I love opening this up in the middle of the night and reading it! So she got exposure to another religious tradition, one that has no interest in converting her by the way. But any person of goodwill who wants to learn more can do that.

Seth Price 21:24

One of the things that I like is, well, no, I don't want to say what I like I'd like to hear your answer for so you tell a story of a student named Mariah when y'all are going to a Hindu temple. And as I'm flipping back through the book as you speak, I'm finding that I underlined almost all of that and so I'm wondering if in brief, because by now, the book is out, and if you haven't bought the book, you need to it's fantastic. We'll Barbara, you don't have to you wrote it, but other other people should. I wonder if you could tell us a bit about that story. And then depending on what you say, I do have a follow up to it but I'm really curious you probably touch on it to begin with, but, just that story around Mariah and her uncomfortability?

Barbara 22:04

Yeah, that was the very first field trip I ever took in Religion 101, I'd only been at it a little while and I realized we had to get out of the house. It was no good having people come to visit us, because then they were the uncomfortable ones. And we were sitting there in our safety zones. So I took a group to the Hindu temple in Atlanta. It's been there a long, long, long time. For a while people from South Carolina, Alabama, neighboring states would drive to Atlanta for High Holidays. And I've been there once before, but I had gone as myself I'd gone as my curious, fairly secure in my tradition, self. And I'd forgotten how the Hindu temple might appear to someone who'd never been in such a place and who was only 19 years old, and whose life depended on the love of Jesus, and who saw much of what she saw in there, namely, statues of deities. Hindu deities that didn't look anything like Jesus.

The story you're referring to is she ran out on the porch and just started sobbing and I had students inside the temple and was going outside the temple to console her before I could go back inside the temple and be with other people, none of whom was having as hard time with being there as she did. But she woke me up to needing a safer place, a place that felt safer was less strange for first time visitors. So Mariah ended up being my teacher.

She not only survived the night, but she survived the class and made an A. You may be thinking of the end of the chapter because people worry so much about her, she was such a dear person. The assignment near the end of the class was to design an interfaith chapel for Piedmont College based on what you learned in the class. And her design was a circular kind of Labyrinth(y) space that was made all black marble, and she said all the lighting would be soft, no religious symbols, but polished black marble. So everywhere people look, they would see each other's faces reflected back at them.

And it was a remarkable image, a remarkable space she created in her mind. So she gets all the credit for making a transition from the beginning of that semester to the end. And finding a way to see God's face in the faces of all the people reflected back to us in the dark marble of God.

Seth Price 24:35

So I tried to draw that after I read that it's deceptively hard, because it causes, if you're gonna do it, right, you have to deal with that same emotional process and it's just hard.

Seth Price 25:22

One of the things that it seems like you've learned from students is to not answer their questions. You seem to censor yourself, it feels like you want to say something sometimes in a story, and maybe it's the editing of the story. Do you find that you've had to not answer questions so that people can self answer and if so, how do you censor yourself? Because so many people today just tell you what they think and why you're wrong. So how do we learn to censor that or to at least filter it and give time in between question and answer?

Barbara 25:57

Yeah, first of all, I learned that from Jesus every day. Somebody wanted an answer from him, he'd asked them a question or he would, you know, hold something up for them to look at and give an opinion on so he was a genius at not taking over people's transformation. I have seen too many bullies at the front of classrooms, in front of microphones, and in pulpits of churches, I've seen too many bullies to want to be one. And I never yielded to the bullying it just made me want to leave. So I didn't want to join that group. And it seemed to me whether you call it the Socratic method or the Jesus method or just good teaching is to help people formulate better and better questions instead of handing out answers that students have to mimic or they won't pass the class.

So that that came out of personal experience and, and also it deescalated anxiety. The Mariah story came from 20 years ago and what I found by the way, last 10 years of teaching was that didn't happen so much anymore. Students went to public high schools where there were other students from all around the world. Gwennett County south of me is a majority minority county with about 143 languages spoken. So I found that later in my teaching career, the world had changed. And the students changed as well. The fear level was way, way down, though the (religious) illiteracy level was still pretty high up because there's not a lot going on about learning about your religion. I think Christians in particular, perhaps for good reason, focus more on our devotion then on our understanding of how we got to be where we are and what makes us who we are. So I think I just left your question in the dust‽

Seth Price 27:49

(Laughter) Feedback that I get often from the show because I'll entertain ideas that aren't necessarily what's the word I want. I'm entirely comfortable to entertain a Buddhist idea or a Hindu idea or shoot even a Muslim it like it doesn't matter, specifically when I talk about eschatology, because I like to ask people like I hear what you're talking about with hell, and with the way that souls are, quote unquote, created. But have you asked any Jewish people about that? Because they've been wrestling with this text a lot longer than our Western Church has. And people get angry about that. And so how should we respond when people are affronted by any toe dipping into the pool of religious pluralism?

Barbara 28:30

I can't stop them from being affronted. I mean, to me, that's their privilege is to be affronted. I mean, again, I have to know what person we're talking about to I have to know what's going on in the room. What's the context? What's the affront about it? Maybe it may be a way I'm presenting something, it may be a conversation they just came from. Those are such delicate interactions, but you know, people who immediately respond negatively to any reference to another tradition, I often will say something Like, tell me why that matters so much to you. And then we can at least start talking about a real thing. Sometimes that backfires and people will just say, Well, I just think it's wrong, I just think it's wrong! And you have to keep trying to get down to, you know, what's going on in there to provoke that response. That's what I get interested in, is, you know, whatever the fear, the anxiety, the the true belief in my in one, but it seems important to me to get to some real human conversation. So the front, if I can't get around, I might just change the subject, but it's not my job to block that.

Seth Price 29:37

you reference a lot of theologians or mystics as well, that I'm just not familiar with and that I've added to my list of people that I need to become accustom with one of those and I'm sure I'm gonna say this name wrong. Christian or Christ or Stein,

Barbara 29:50

Krister Stendhal?

Seth Price 29:53

Yeah, I love those three rules, and I'm certain you do as well because leaving room for holy envy is literally the title of the book. But it's number it's number one and two the interplay in between. But my question is, depending on the thread of the religion that you're in, how do we evaluate what equates to best and worse because the second rule is don't compare, you know, our best to their worst. Here we go. Don't compare Barbara Brown Taylor to a version of a Christian that would go in and shoot up a church. But that's an easy comparison. But how do we do it for things that aren't at either polar extremes? Like what's a good way to find what is best to best or medium to medium?

Barbara 30:36

Let me and again you may have to bring that one back from me. I want to rewind for listeners who may not have the book in front of them and say that this Krister Stendhal was at that time 1985, Bishop of the Church of Sweden in Stockholm when the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints built a new temple in Stockholm. And that shook some people in the city though Sweden then and now had a rich history of welcoming religious strangers. So Krister Stendhal took to the microphone press conference and proposed three rules for religious understanding.

The first of which was if you want to know about another religion asks its adherence and not its enemies. And the second rule, which you just referred to, is don't compare your best to their worst. And the third rule was leave room for holy envy.

And that's where I took the title of the book, but you're focusing on number two: don't compare your best to their worst and that that often comes up with, you know, something like, I'll tell you a story from the classroom where a student went home from the unit on Islam and was telling her family how she'd never known about five times daily prayer before; or how you could set your watch so you knew when other Muslims were praying. So even if you were the only person in your school, you'd be praying with other Muslims, and before she knew it, her parents We're saying, well, you're a sitting duck for ISIS, you better stay off the computer before you know it, you'll be captured and you know, held for sex with terrorists.

And, wow, that was really, you know, pretty quickly from a possible best to a possible worst. More typically, when we're comparing things between traditions will say things like, well, Christianity is a religion of love and Judaism is a religion of law. And that is so lacking in any kind of subtlety or depth. So, you know, simply to be aware of that I call it practice theological humility that has too many syllables in it. But when we compare our best to their worst, it's just not even a fair contest. It's a cheap shot!

Seth Price 32:44

So to put practice to that, just disengage from the conversation when that's happening, or like, do you just politely excuse yourself or do you we’ll just take a Jesus metaphor out of context, he flipped the tables and they listen to me-what are you doing?

Barbara 33:00

You know, interestingly, since you asked should it happen in front of me, I would probably take a breath and count to 10 like my grandmother taught me to. And then I usually respond with something like, did you know, or are you aware, and I'll you know, bring out some statistic that I hope doesn't have a lot of prickliness in it and just take the opportunity to teach for a second if I can, you know, if something occurs to me that would refute or deepen or enrich with the person saying, sometimes you can get a genuine opening there just for somebody to go, “Oh, I didn't know that.” But what's most interesting about your questions, it doesn't happen to me. Whether it's the circles I travel in, or the fact that Religion 101 was such a great class, I get the opposite. You know, I get students who are all of a sudden seeing the worst in their own traditions. And they think that other traditions like the Buddhists are all peaceful, wonderful people, and all Muslims pray five times a day and never touch a drop of alcohol.

And you know, they come away with positive stereotypes which are probably no better than the worst. But at least you know they're getting more than they get in the headlines. So it just doesn't happen. I so seldom am with people who are doing the the attacking, I read about them, but I just don't know them. I don't know them in Clarksville, Georgia. I don't know them in Atlanta, Georgia. I've never met them in Oregon. I've never met them anywhere I go. So I must carry a bubble with me, or people are generally much kinder than most of us can imagine.

Seth Price 34:37

What have been the biggest, I guess world, religions that have impacted the way that you you reference that you learn about all these other religions but it's Jesus that you come home to at night. Which you can tell that you're from the south because that's that's verbs that we use often like you don't come home. That just the way that that sentence is structured sounds like my family. I don't know if people in the north talk that way. But I've never heard them talk that way.

But what are some of the religions and the things that you've been like? No, I can take this portion, you know from from a Native American religion or take this portion from Buddhism, that have deeply impacted the way that you now see God?

Barbara 35:17

Yeah, let's, maybe we can bring that down from how I see God because how I see God is almost inconsequential to anybody but me I mean, we all see God in different ways, you know, and if we love sacred texts, just look at the pages we've marked and the ones we've ignored. And you'll see that we have a little hand and making God in our own image. I think it would sound familiar to a number of people to say I have been to a yoga class and have found that incredibly beneficial, or my form of prayer right now takes the form of meditation of being quiet instead of talking.

I think that anybody who goes outside and thanks God for creation is getting really close to some Native American truths. I find myself drawn to those three in particular because they have no interest in converting me ,they have no interest in making me part of their crowd. They offer me, pretty freely, what they have to offer and say you can use our cup and drink from our well and you don't have to buy the cup. And you know, you can go on and taste from other wells. So they seem to be open to me coming by and because they're not particularly theistic and certainly not monotheistic, they don't crash into my ideas, insofar as my ideas matter, does make any sense?

Seth Price 36:40

It does, but it's, I'm trying to find the best way to voice it. Um, I like the answer. But I don't it makes me still have to do the processing and I'm lazy, so…(laughter from both)

Barbara 36:53

Tell me what you're processing?

Seth Price 36:57

Well…earlier…you, earlier, you referred, you know, people ask me a question, I end up asking another question, which is effectively what you just did, which then requires me to actually do the work and I'm not…so let me put it this way. I didn't prepare for that answer. So I don't know how to answer your question.

Barbara 37:14

Thats good. That's fine. I mean, if you go away with a live question and have to look up perspicacious, too, we've just had a win win here!!

Seth Price 37:20

I agree. My dad was the same way. Like he would use words like the superfluous and I'm like, but I'll be honest, they're stuck in my head, like, you know, like, what else did he flamboyant? He used flamboyant when I was like, seven. It's like, stop being so flamboyant! What does that mean? Look it up! I don't even know how to spell it. Figure it out. It's either p h or F. You're smart enough to figure it out. Find it.

Barbara 37:42

Well, Seth really, eschatology strikes some people that way too. Okay, let's tell the truth here.

Seth Price 37:49

It was strikes me that way. I often when people ask me what what are your views on this? I'm like, I'm pretty sure anytime that we're talking about hell or heaven, it's usually a metaphor and it's really more about how you treat people today and tomorrow, than it is about something place that I'm going. It's somewhere that we're collectively co-creating with God. And I'm fine being wrong, but I'm pretty sure you're doing this wrong. And I'm not certain how to tell you why.

Nor do I necessarily want to. Yeah, there's a Veterinarian, actually, at the end of my block that constantly has different scriptures that are rapture related, and then the right things about it, and it's on the vet's office, and I really want to go over there and just fix it. But that won't, that won't be helpful. I just want to fix it.

Barbara 38:33

I want to get out of the car where I live in rearrange the church signs, you know, make them say something different.

Seth Price 38:39

You should, we'll do it. We'll do it together, we'll both go to jail for trespassing.

I ask this question to anyone that has influence or at least experience with the generation to come because I have an inherent bias of wanting to know what to plan for and maybe that's the banker part of my brain. But we're coming close to the end of our time. And so if that Church and in my church, I mean big C church, which is really a bad way to talk about the church. But I mean, all churches, not necessarily the Christian church, if we can somehow figure out a way to hold holy envy in such a way that we're more amenable to see truth than other people; whether or not that truth is necessarily written in between Matthew 1&2, because somehow my canon is better than someone else's. What does that church look like 10 years from now? And then how do I either prepare my children to be in it? Not necessarily myself because hopefully, I'm helping to create that. And so that should be an easy transition for me, but the generation to come? I'm fearful that parents today listening have no way to bridge that for people. So my fear is there will be a huge drop off. And the for all of its ills. organized religion, for the most part does do a lot of fantastic things. But I'm fearful for the next decade.

Barbara 39:57

Oh, and you say it's going to fall off‽ How about already has!

Seth Price 40:02

Well I’m being hopeful, why not? There is already so much broken in the world, I want to have a little bit of hope.

Barbara 40:07

I don't have children, and I didn't raise children. I have grandchildren. But somebody else did the heavy lifting there. So I'm not a great person to ask. But I know Cindy Wang Brandt also has a podcast and she deals with exactly this kind of question all the time, about raising kids to have faith in a world where that's changing, and she's Christian as well. So, that's a good place to go for people with hands on experience.

But I can't imagine anybody who can predict 10 years from now, the students I know best can't predict two years from now whether they'll even have the same job that they went to school to prepare for. So I think there's a much shorter range of prediction. I don't think we could have predicted who the last two presidents would have been, you know? So it gets really hard to put things way far out there. I'm pretty sure there will be less buildings in the future. There are too many of them already on the sale block where I live being turned into theaters and restaurants and condominiums.

Fewer buildings lower overhead more bi-vocational pastors who work in the so called world and who carry out church duties on Sundays. I think worship will take place outdoors and in bars and restaurants and people's houses. I think it will not be doctrinal enough for most Christians who are denominationally tuned today.

But I have this bizarre trust in the spirit and of the Spirit of God to keep the stories that matter alive. When I talk to people who are still Catholic, I say, Why are you still Catholic? They say the stories just can't give the stories up. So I have…we're at the end of our time, I think the spirit will keep blowing and, and I'm willing to be blown around with it.

Seth Price 41:53

Yeah. And then one last plug in this one thing I wanted to ask you about and I couldn't but for those listening, go and buy the book and just go to Chapter 9, the way that you rip apart Nicodemus. And this is partially because of a past guest, Alexander Shaia, the way he also references Nicodemus, and that mindset. So read chapter nine, everyone if you read nothing else. So, Barbara, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people connect with you? The book is everywhere that you know, fine books are sold.

Barbara 42:24

We just made the New York Times bestseller list, number 6 on miscellaneous I mean, there were cookbooks.

Seth Price 42:32

How is that even the correct category for religion?

Barbara 42:35

I think it's code for books we don't like and don't know what to do with?

Seth Price 42:39

But they keep the code for everybody seems to buy this, but we don't really want to print it.

Barbara 42:43

Yeah, they have a poorly maintained website. It's just my name BarbaraBrownTaylor.com, but that's enough. But I put everything I know in the book. So if it's not there, it doesn't exist.

Seth Price 42:55

Fair enough. Yes, kind of you'd invite me. Thank you for the conversation and the great questions.

Seth Price 43:00

Thanks for being on. And I hope that you genuinely hope that you enjoy all of those chickens, every single one of them.

Barbara 43:07

Give me your address and I’ll send you eggs!

Seth Price 43:15

I'm reminded of a news article right after the Christchurch New Zealand shooting of Jewish synagogues that that did that close service to be in communion and do life with the Muslim victims of that mass shooting. And when I think of what holy envy should look like, what it sounds to me or what I feel like it should be is community. And as a Christian, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus said as well. Love others. Love God, but the key word in both of those is love.

Without that community, without genuine seeking to understand the best of other people as opposed to pointing fingers at the worst of other people. What the heck is the point? I pray that your month and your year stretches you. That you find things in other faiths and other people that you're envious of and that you and I, instead of choosing to be jealous or spiteful or bigoted, will learn from others lessons that maybe our religion isn't geared to teach us. Lessons that other parents or other marriages, other faiths, other parents, other lives have to show us. Thank you for listening today. Talk with you next week.

Experiments in Honesty with Steve Daugherty / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Steve Daugherty 0:00

I feel like the work of Jesus of Nazareth is all rooted in what he said summarizes the law and the prophets and all of it is the love of other as self. Well, that would also have in it this idea and you can see it when Paul talks about knocking down dividing walls and all that, that there's this false divide between all of us and there are literal and figurative divides. And to awaken from the fallacy of those, I just, I hesitate to say, “Well, this is why I think the church got so far from it”. I think that it could be in a conversation on a podcast as simple as it well we're not it's it's just a matter of more of us recognizing that we have everything we need already. We just don't channel our compassion and our love very well. We just expend most of it on ourselves because we're taught to be afraid. We're taught to prioritize ourself. We're taught to spend our resources however you want to define resources on ourselves because we're man we're I mean we're just an inch away from the kingdom of God it's in our midst but we still live by the animal kingdom—dog eat dog.

Seth Price 2:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to the show. I am Seth, as always, your host, and I'm so happy that you're here. Thank you for downloading this episode. So I want to be brief in these intros, I'm trying to condense them down into something that isn't rambling. And so the quick pitches, Patreon continues to grow, go to the show notes or patreon.com/CanISayThisAtChurch, pledge, any amount that matters to you, if you're getting anything out of these shows, that community is creating something new, and something I think that can really explode with your help this year. Want to do some live shows want to do some things like that, but all that requires funds. And so those of you that have had your continued support, I appreciate you more than I can express in these words. And I hope that you know that to those of you that have not jumped on board with that. Do that! Do that.

Steve Daugherty is a lot of things. He's a pastor. He's a dad. He is a podcaster as well. But we sat down to talk about his his debut book. So he wrote a book called Experiments in Honesty. And what you'll hear is Steve weaving, Jesus and love, and sometimes other faiths, into the parables and into the words and life of God in a way that helps us deal with compassion, fear, and anger. And I think it's those last two things—fear and anger, they directly correlate with love, and is a hard conversation. It has become a deeply meaningful one to me. And if I can make one small pitch, the way that Steve tells stories in this book, are entirely engaging in a way that I now have begun to co-opt them when I talk about the Bible with people because they're really well said. And so I really hope that you enjoy this conversation with Steve. Here we go.

Seth Price 4:40

Steve Daugherty, welcome to the show. I'm excited that you're here and honestly, thank you Mike Morrell if you're listening for putting us in contact with each other. Dude, I really, really, really, really liked your book. I've been reading it over the last, I don't know, month or two, but welcome to the show.

Steve Daugherty 4:56

Thank you so much for having me.

Seth Price 4:58

One of the things I like to do is to have you kind of bring us up to speed on what makes Steve…Steve. So if you could just kind of go over you know some of your background your history and kind of those pivotal moments in your life that made you the type of you know religious person or thinker that you are today.

Steve Daugherty 5:14

Uh. Okay right out of the gate! (laughter from Seth) I'm not ready but I like it. It is not weather and sports…lets see…

Seth Price 5:23

I mean we can be sports. How do you feel about the Rams vs the Patriots?

Steve Daugherty 5:29

If you want to have a podcast go really badly start asking me about football. I don't have any idea what you just said.

Seth Price 5:36

Well, they played last night. And apparently it was a good game. I didn't watch it. All right. There we go.

Steve Daugherty 5:42

With that out of the way, let's see.

So I've been a pastor for about two decades now. But before that, I spent some some time in the corporate world selling things. To put it as concisely as possible. I think what I have been for a while is an artist disguised as somebody that talks about Jesus and then vice versa. And that's gone well in some ways and not so well in other ways. But my entire life, I wanted to make things I wanted to create things that helps people feel. I love to be in front of a group of people and tell stories and help them feel things.

And so at this point in my life now I'm getting to teach and tell stories and write, and so but those are some that's just kind of what I do and who I am and we can get all the way down into how I was specifically hurt in August 1987. I've got a story about that.

Seth Price 6:51

Well, yeah, when you say artist, what do you mean by that? Because that word means a lot of things to a lot of people and so what do you mean by that?

Steve Daugherty 7:01

Yeah, that's a great question. I, you know, classically, I draw and paint and sculpt and do things like that off and on. But I'm pretty constantly trying to rearrange the ingredients of my existence into interesting things. And so that's visual, mostly. But that's how I see storytelling is the art of taking the mundane and not making it less than mundane, but just showing, you know, anybody that will listen that hey, this is actually quite sacred and also being mundane. And so I just see art as a as a way of walking around with a flashlight and saying, you know, behold, did you even notice this? And helping people to notice it.

Seth Price 7:48

I've said before often on the show that I you know, I play guitar, I lead worship at my church, but often I find the most authentic version of me is the one…is the part of me either when I'm able to pray, right, which is not all that often and pray, right, that's a horrible sentence structure, but it's it's fine, whatever, this isn't written down (except for the transcript :) ). So but but when I'm, sometimes when I'm singing, and it doesn't have to be worship, it really just matters on where I'm at.

And then the song that's on and kind of the meaning behind the song or what I'm hearing in the meaning, like my most true me, ends up showing up in a way that I forget that there's anyone else even in the room, if that makes sense.

Steve Daugherty 8:00

It does, yeah, I think that's very well put.

Seth Price 8:32

Something primal about it. I do agree, though, that you're a good storyteller. And I say that because like as I was reading, well, we forgot to say what it is. So you've written a book, Experiments in Honesty and then there's a bunch of words after that (laughter). And so what, what…I'm trying to remember I meditations on love, fear and the honest

Steve Daugherty 8:54

honest to God Naked Truth.

Seth Price 8:56

There it is. What are you trying to get at with this book? And then I’ll wrap back up into your storytelling because the way you open the book, I read it a couple times in a row, I really enjoyed the way you open the book with Peter. But what are we trying to get at in this book?

Steve Daugherty 9:10

I have spent a lot of time counseling people in my role and just in my own meditations, and I've gotten hung up, for lack of better terminology on the same kinds of ideas over and over. And so those would be how fear plays itself out.

Fear is really, really clever and sneaky, and it comes out in so many different ways that we celebrate in our culture. And so the aggression, our violences, our manipulations, there's so many different ways that fear controls us. And we just apply a really sophisticated vocabulary to it and then we don't even know we're afraid so. So I wanted to write about fear and how if God is running the whole thing on fear as I learned growing up and had reinforced over and over, then it's really one of the worst programs imaginable. Because fear begets self interest whenever I'm afraid I start prioritizing myself.

And so it's a book about fear, because it's a book about selfishness, because it's a book about compassion. So it's a book about what I think Jesus is trying to do in the day to day with our selfishness and our fear.

Seth Price 10:31

When you say fear in that way, you know, in the way that in unhealthy fear, I assume what you're talking about is the fear of, if you don't do A, God is gonna punish you with B. And you're gonna have to either figure out what the rules are so that you can live that way as if the Bible was a rulebook. But you're arguing that that's not the case. Correct? Is that what you mean when you say fear, like that's the wrong way to look at it?

Steve Daugherty 10:58

I think that that's a big part of it. So yeah, that that programmed and trying to incentivize people, it's the terminology when you use negatives to incentivize certain behaviors that yeah, that's certainly in there. And that's not unique to any given religious tradition.

Seth Price 11:19

Can I say parenting? Is that the proper terminology? (small laugh)

Steve Daugherty 11:21

Yeah, that's a huge part of it. I mean, Jesus teaches to pray. And he says, Okay, Our dad. So I mean, we should pay attention to that we project a lot of that upward. I think that incentivizing people to behave better or else is not unique to any tradition. That's just human beings figuring out very early, how you can control people, but I would go so far as to say and try to end the book, with some humility, that it's also that just because you a minute ago you said healthy fear. I don't think you can prescribe healthy fear in terms of how we think about it with God. There's a lot of preachers who, you know, I think Jonathan Edwards who, you know, this is the proper way to be before God and trying to prescribe an emotional reaction. I think just however you feel in the presence of the Divine is how you feel. And if it's fear, every single time in the Bible, you're told, well, don't feel that way. Don't be afraid that's the wrong. That's the wrong way to be feeling right now in the presence of the Divine.

Seth Price 12:31

Yeah, well, I so I struggle with this concept of fear. And I talked about it with my son just earlier today, because he asked, well, who are you going to talk to in a minute? So I told him, I said, About what? And he's like, well, wouldn't you fear? You know if this happened, and what he said reminded me of this stupid meme, where it's it has Jesus knocking on a door and it says, Let me in so that I can save you. And it says, from what? and it says from what will happen if you don't let me in, or something similar to me. I don't know if you've seen that meme or not.

Steve Daugherty 13:00

I have! I have!

Seth Price 13:02

Every time I see it, I laugh and I don't share it because I don't want to make that thought be, I don't want to make light of that thought, because so many people that thought for so many people that thought is 100% true. But that's never set well with me with like, 1 John 4:18 where you know, “if God is love, there's no fear in love”. If that makes sense, like, if we worship Jesus to Christ, then fear has a very small place, if any, but I do feel like there has to be some kind of healthy fear. But I agree with you. I don't know how to describe that in any way, shape, or form.

Steve Daugherty 13:35

Well, so since you can't describe it, I would say just don't use the word. Because it always comes with what let me tell you what I mean by that word. And so I would say, just say love because I love my wife. And if you really tease it out that would, that would suggest there are things that make me wary about how you know how I approach her treat. Her how I speak about her how I act towards others when she's not around. You could pull those apart and stable those are fears but what they but they really are is ways that I behave because of our love for each other. So I just don't I wouldn't say that I have a healthy fear of my wife, I just say I love her. I think fear in every other way. Again, it what it does is it ends up centering the self because I have to accommodate my fears by trying to get my interaction with the world or other people to be whatever it takes to not be in trouble. So it centers me and Jesus said love others. So really again, I want to say it'd be the worst program in the world if we're supposed to be afraid of a God who said put others interests up above your own, those are mutually exclusive.

Seth Price 14:53

Yeah, so earlier when I alluded to earlier a few minutes ago about you know, being a good storyteller and so the way that you start your book and I feel like this would be in the anybody can see this for free version on Amazon, you know, you get to read a few pages. So you started out kind of retelling the story of, you know, Jesus walking up and be like, Hey, we're going to go back out. We're going to go catch some fish. And they're like, Yeah, right, this isn't, there's no way that this is going to happen.

But you tell the story in a way that I heard new things that I didn't hear prior. And so as a church member not at your church, thank you for pastoring me in that moment. Because I did hear new things that I hadn't heard before. Specifically, and I don't know if this is you coming through but a sarcasm in both Jesus and Peter of “I'm not doing this like really, really”. When you talk about, you know, the rabbi's looking over with a smirk on his face, like, just put it in the water. Come on, Peter, just put it in the water, put the nut in there, go with me!

But I like the way that you do that throughout the book. You break down a lot of biblical passages and stories of Jesus in a way that I would argue is like a sarcastic version of Lectio Divina, which is the way that when I try to do Lectio Divina and insert myself into the text, because that's the way that my brain works. I'm a big fan of puns. I often do that. And so it was refreshing to read someone else doing it in a much better way than I do it internally in my monologue.

So my question is, how hard is that to do with a Bible story to try to breathe fresh life into it, oftentimes with a bit of comedy and humor, but also still be respectful of the text?

Steve Daugherty 16:32

Well, that you know, like, the last part of your question assumes that comedy would be disrespectful, and I would say, it's really impossible for me, not somewhat impossible, really impossible whatever that means. It's really impossible for me to believe that Jesus gathered a following like he did so quickly simply on the merits of being able to heal people. Like he must have made people laugh everywhere you went! And I think it's hard for us to intuit that that is captured, so separated as we are by language and culture, and time and distance and all that. Somebody pointed out a long time ago that when Jesus said it's easier, “you strain out the gnat but swallow the camel”. I think I recall that in Aramaic, in which he might have been speaking, that camel and gnat rhyme. And so little things like that you can't tell in English, but I feel like it was nambla and gamla those words are in my head. I might be making that up. But anyway, that the words in Aramaic rhyme and so it's like the sing songy…Jesus is sitting there saying, You strain out the gnat, and you swallow the camel, and it's got a like a freestyle rap cadence to it. That's very different than walking around with your spine totally wrecked, you know, just never smiling just doling out truth. He must have been entertaining. So anyway, that's a long way of answering to me. I'm trying to capture that if you were in the presence of Jesus, you wouldn't feel like you. I don't think we're in the presence of a biblical figure. You would feel like you were in the presence of just truth and joy. And just I mean, it would be a real delight. And I that's all I'm trying to capture.

Seth Price 18:19

Yeah, I enjoy it. And actually, so, you know, I was reading part of it last night, and I was sitting next, my wife and my son walked by, and he's like, are you reading about the Bible? And then we read a bit of it together. And he's like, well, that story is a little bit different. I was like this is the same story, but I mean, even so for a nine year old, you know, he really, he really got things out of it, which is, I think, hard to do. To write a story in such a way that, you know, demographics of, you know, elementary school and demographics of the purpose of this podcast are both engaged in a way that holds attention.

Steve Daugherty 18:50

It's great.

Seth Price 18:51

You say something in that very first chapter that I underlined and then kept coming back to and so you're talking still about Peter, and how Peter continually just doesn't get it, like doesn't get it, like, over and over and over repeatedly just really struggling to understand what the heck is happening. And so, he eventually, you know, lops off this, you know, what do you say he was aiming for the guy's head and he end up getting his ear. And then God comes, Jesus comes back over and says, you know, you're getting it wrong, put away your sword, don't use it for anything but filleting fish, I think is what you say. And then basically turns and looks at Peter and you say the words. You know, it's odd that Jesus is having to heal victims of his church so early on.

And so I'd like you to break that apart. What do you mean when you say, you know, basically from like, you know, what's that day 20 or however many days it is…I don't know what day it is. You know, where already this nanescent church that doesn't even really exist yet. But is beginning to be birthed or conceived, is already causing victims and Christ is already having to heal it.

Steve Daugherty 19:52

Mm hmm. I think you did a pretty good job right there. I think that every single one of us could tell the story of if we've if we've spent any time with Israel. General life we could say of how how great it was and how also it was the container for a lot of pain. And I think that the church has always been a human enterprise as much as it's been a spiritual one. And I'm not trying to start an argument I don't know what the ratio is supposed to be. I just know it's always included people.

And so my point and that was, in that particular scene, I just can't believe that Peter was going for the for that guards ear, you know, with like ninja precision. He was trying to kill the guy. And luckily, the guy ducked or whatever, and he only connected with his ear. It’s occurring to me right now. I guess he could have wrestled him to the ground and cut it off. Like, that's even more. That's a terrible scene, but maybe Peter was like I am taking your ear! Anyway, in my mind, he was trying to kill the guy on behalf of the press.

Seth Price 21:00

He needed ears to hear and he just wanted an extra one.

Steve Daugherty 21:04

That's not bad, Seth. You are to be commended! You said you liked puns and you just delivered!

So, the irony, and I think it's an intentional, ironic scene. I think I'm using that word, right, defending the one who has told Peter that I am going to lay my life down. The Son of Man is going to be crucified, etc, etc. Peter stands up and says, No, no, no, we're going to do this like a whole bunch of other messiahs. This is going to be a movement where we're going to start swinging swords and all that. And Jesus tells him to stop it and then heals his victim.

I think there's a ton of that happening in the church, lowercase c churches and capital C church, there's a lot of “in God's name, I am going to do this act that's bad for you, but good for my take on what God wants…thus sayeth the Lord” You know, and I think God is doing a lot of healing (of the damage done) by Peter followers.

Seth Price 22:31

You tell a story about killing mosquitoes and I have a question about that just because I don't have a good segue and so I want to try to make people laugh…here we go. So you tell a story about maniacal what's the word you use I'm maniacally killing mosquitoes in a way that would make Gandhi weep. And so, what is it a volume of mosquitoes? Is it like 27 mosquitoes? Is it what it is one enough to make Gandhi weep, but how many does that cause or does it take for you?

Steve Daugherty 23:01

Well, I didn't get a good count. I can say that all stories are exaggerated. (laughter from both) I think I also in that story referred to it as a cloud that obscured the Sun of mosquitos. I'm not gonna stand behind the veracity of that so but my anger, my frustration level, in that story was on point. I lost it!

Seth Price 23:30

I’ve been there. So we had in the backyard before it got eight degrees, a little fire pit and the other day months ago, we were out there was like, I can't be out here anymore. I'm being destroyed. And if I remember my wife is like, you really going to go and I'm like, Yes, I can't if I'm out here anymore. I'm gonna lose it. I it's all over. I want to destroy things. And so I need to go.

Steve Daugherty 23:51

You see it is really cold right now. And I grew up hearing that this really cold days like we're having today. You said it's like 10 where you will All right, it's like ain't where I am. I grew up hearing that that was really good for killing mosquitoes.

Seth Price 24:05

I don't believe it until I see it because Central Virginia I feel like all we're missing is alligators to be like mosquito the population equivalent of Florida.

Steve Daugherty 24:15

Well, a cloud of alligators I think would be way more interesting and probably would have enhanced my faith rather than taking from it.

Seth Price 24:23

Definitely would have been a miracle. You though then roll that maniacal killing of things to make Gandhi weep into talking about I going to say the word wrong a principle of bow his (unintelligible speech) ... Do you remember that word? Because I can't say it right.

Steve Daugherty 24:39

Not by what you’re attempting there.

Seth Price 24:41

You talking about Gandhi in I believe it's a Buddhist practice where or you know..yeah, say that again.

Steve Daugherty 24:50

I believe it's pronounced Bodhicitta.

Seth Price 24:53

And so what is that?

Steve Daugherty 24:54

Bodhicitta, I think I added a V where it wasn't invited, I don't remember the exact translation. And after I wrote that I have a old friend who, he's a Buddhism professor in the Midwest somewhere, and he was excited to see that outlined in my book. But it's the idea where you don't just have knowledge acquired because pretty much anybody can, you know, know things, but is awakened to the true self which is compassion. Which I find fascinating because compassion is a very descriptive way of describing love.

Like not the sentiment, but the volitional from your core essence, way of being towards someone else, which we were told God is love. And so I was like, I was impressed with this idea that, and this is true of different cultures. And my knowing about them means nothing. I'm sure there are far more than I'm aware of that the wisest sages among them are discovering. I think at our core, we are not just everything that we've learned like head knowledge, but we are unitive compassion toward one another, which I am encouraged by that, because we're made in the image of love. And so it makes sense that many of us would be discovering.

Seth Price 26:37

Yeah. How do you think we got so far away from, I would honestly argue, as I read through that word that I'm not going to try to say wrongly again, and then I googled it and read more about it. It sounds a lot like what the church is intended to be in relationship to each other.

You know, I'm in fellowship with every single…well, you could argue everything on the planet. but let's anthropomorphize it, I'm in community with everyone. And so that should change my intentions and the way that I posture myself to others. So, how do you as a pastor think that we've gotten so far away from that? Because that's not the way that at least the western church that I was raised in treats one another. I mean it's not the way honestly, if you turn on the news, that we still treat one another?

Steve Daugherty 27:26

That's a good question. And I don't know how to answer it in a way that I would care about. Like I have words I could say in response to it, but I don't know why it would matter.

Because my first impulse is to tell you, I don't think we're all that far from it. In the same way that you're not very far from another room, if you're in the adjacent room, but you're in a completely different room. But there's just that, you know, there's just so little actually dividing you from that other space. I think of the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh, he said, and I'm going to butcher this, “we are here to awaken from the illusion of separateness”.

And I feel like the work of Jesus of Nazareth is, you know, it's all rooted in what he said summarizes the law and the prophets and all of it is the love of other as self. Well, that would also have in it, this idea, and you can see it when Paul talks about knocking down dividing walls and all that. That there's this false divide between all of us and their literal and figurative divides. And to awaken from the fallacy of those, I just I hesitate to say, “Well, this is why I think the church got so far from it”. I think that it could be in a conversation on a podcast, as simple as it well we’re not it's it's just a matter of more of us recognizing that we have everything we need already. We just don't channel our compassion and our love very well, we just expend most of it on ourselves because we're taught to be afraid. We’re taught to prioritize ourselves. We're taught to spend our resources however you wanted to find resources on ourselves, because we're man, I mean, we're just an inch away from the kingdom of God. It's in our midst, but we still live by the animal kingdom.

Seth Price 29:18

So what what would be, you know, if I was in congregation at your church, and I came in, and we're having this conversation, not in this format, and I said, “Well, what do I do then”? You know, between this Monday and next Monday, give me two things to do, Steve, that will matter. That will move the needle towards the Kingdom. What would one to two things be?

Steve Daugherty 29:40

I would probably have a way longer conversation with you than that, because I don't really prescribe steps. Because, especially as dudes, we love steps because it gives us a sense of control. What I would probably want to do is say, you know what, hey, if you're serious, let's just walk this journey together. And then after maybe a year I would say what are you learning about your motivations? What are you learning about how you see yourself when you are by yourself and you're thinking or meditating or praying or fantasizing; how does that shift when someone else walks into the room? And what does that say about how much you perform? And so how does that affect when you pray? Do you talk to God the way that you actually talk?

To me, it's just doesn't package super well and do these things for X number of days. And I don't think that you were necessarily suggesting that I understand your metaphor, but I'm just I think this is like decades long work of waking up to the Kingdom that's in our midst, and we didn't know it.

Seth Price 30:45

So then to rephrase that, how do I know when I know it? What for you I guess personally shifted where you're like, Okay, the light clicked. And you've not to use your room metaphor. I'm not in the other room yet, but I'm in the hallway on the way there. Like how did you know when you got into the hallway?

Steve Daugherty 31:04

Yeah, I don't know. I think that having actual peace that didn't wait for circumstances permission. That I'm better now, if we have to judge it and rate it, I'm better now than I used to be at being in the presence of the world as it is being in the presence of other people as they are. And being able to say, Well, what would I want in this situation?

Because that is the summary of all of the Scriptures to love people as I would want to be loved that, you know, the golden rule and so to be in a situation where other people are trying to escalate and I would say, Well, what is it that they're trying to get across, or I'm trying right now to speak as broadly as possible, but it's the specifics of how well attuned am I in a given moment of giving others 51% of my interest at least.

Seth Price 32:06

That's fair. So you're talking about the golden rule. I can't remember exactly where in your book, but you basically rattle off I feel like it's like 15 or 20 other…I don't know if religious texts is the right word, maybe religious sayings or contemplative sayings or I don't know, but echoed just throughout millennia is that same thing over and over and over and over again?

Steve Daugherty 32:32

Absolutely.

Seth Price 32:33

And so I want to phrase the question, right. Does it being echoed everywhere give more credence to faiths that aren't ours or is that just a universal truth? And I don't mean that to put down any other faiths. I'm not prideful enough to think if I had been born in a different country, I would probably not be Christian. Maybe I would, but who knows? A lot of my religious basis is, you know that the country I happen to be born in so I want to give that caveat. I'm not doing that question to put down anyone else's practices.

Steve Daugherty 33:09

Yeah, I think that if a truth I, as long as we put some humility and you know, we put some asterisks next two words like “universal” and all that. If a truth is true, it would be fundamentally universal.

So, I'm not talking about a doctrinal conviction or something like that. But the golden rule, you know, Matthew 7, Jesus says that, let me take a whole bunch of content—very complex content—and boil it down to love others the way you want to be loved. We see that pop up in lots of sacred literature, and perhaps all of it and to me, that reinforces its validity. That we were all if we're listening, hearing the same voice say this is what it is; this is what matters most.

I think some people are threatened by that, because they don't know how to value a thing unless it's exclusive. Which I understand. I just don't happen to think that way anymore. I'd like to think that when we go up in space and look down at this big puzzle that we call continents that you know, it's it really is one thing, it's one family. And me over here in North Carolina, at 43 years old, thinking I've got the whole thing bagged in a corner, that’s super cocky to me.

Seth Price 34:39

Right. I think you're right, though, that a lot of people don't value something unless it's scarce. But a lot of that I would argue just from the profession than I do is because of the way that we control the supply chain. And then we inherently do that with God as if forgiveness is rationed out and grace freely given is rationed out. And so that I think just the way that specifically in capitalist societies the way that we think about anything that's transactional. And if the bulk of churches talk about, you know, penal substitution as a transaction of grace, it has to be scarce or it's inherently devalued. If I've learned anything over the past year or two, is that even if it was scarce, the scarcity abounds a level that is still overflowing inside, at least this planet, if not all of the planets. Even if it was scarce what is scarce to an infinite God? But I think a big part of our brains struggle to reconcile with things like that, when our society, the way that we live daily doesn't match the way that we could worship daily, if that makes if that makes any sense or not?

Steve Daugherty 35:54

It does. I think it's beautifully said I think that that's a way more eloquent way of saying what I said at the top about everything has fear running in it. And if we assume that's the economy of God as well, then we are making God in our own image.

Seth Price 36:11

I want to end with two things. In I think it's part four, you talk about the polarities of love and control. And you talk about,you tell a story of your father and a story of your mother and how you know, your father, I think you said he's a police officer. And so when he walks in the room, there's an inherent power and an inherent control. So if you could, what do you mean when you talk about the polarities, you know, the north and south whichever way you want to do have control and love?

Steve Daugherty 36:39

The stories I tell about my dad, having been a cop is about like, where I where I learned power, and influence and strength and that sort of thing. And then so learning to be a more loving person I had to unlearn what I thought I knew about strength and, and identity. Because to really love someone Well, I have to de emphasize myself. And so I made a comment earlier about 51% and I put that idea in the book as well, for a long time it's been a meditation of mine like how much of my mental emotional resources are being spent on myself right now? Well, don't feel bad about that just recalibrate and try to give other people most of my intent, not all that's impossible, but most if I can. But when you when you've learned, like a lot of us have, that success is dominance and conquering it's winning arguments. It's winning fights and having grown up with with a police officer for debt and I we've talked a lot about this. I've said right to him, you know, I think I learned some really wonky things about strength from your profession. And oh, yeah, he totally agrees. That to de-emphasize the self to have the humility to lift up others, not just because you've evaluated them and found them worth it, but because well, that's what I would want. And even if I was an idiot, or was wrong, or was burned, or broke laws or was ugly, whatever that is, you know, it's not let me see if you're worth submitting to. It's constantly de-emphasizing the self.

And so at one point, it feels to me as though you have to choose Do you want to walk into a room and have the strength to control it? And so doing protect yourself from ambiguity and surprises and pain, all that, or do you want to come into it take off your outer garment and start washing feet? Very anti American, that second option, it feels like.

Seth Price 39:05

You have a line that I wrote down. And I've given a lot of thought to and I'd like to reframe the way that you do it with a question. So you have a line saying that, and this is a quote,

Jesus announced Good News

capital G capital N Good News,

just as a beloved cousin was incarcerated for the crime of candor. You and I might have called Jesus's timing insensitive, but this is our world and this is our faith.

And that really rings true for me. But my question is this…do you feel like the bulk of believers are called to be the John the Baptist in that scenario, or are we called to be the Jesus in that scenario or is it a little bit of both?

Steve Daugherty 39:47

That's…yeah, that's, I have to think about that. I heard a comic book illustrator say,

I don't know why church leaders always want to be Batman aren't they supposed to be Alfred?

I thought that was really good.

Seth Price 40:01

That needs to be on a shirt.

Steve Daugherty 40:03

Yeah, I thought so to. Uh, you know, I think that it's like a cop out to say, Hey, how about both? Let's just say both.

But I think it's both because what you know, John the Baptist famously said “I have to decrease and he's got to increase” and but what the my point in that particular part of the book is that Jesus ends up being killed dies unfairly if anybody ever deserved to have a better life happened to him it would have been Jesus and yet (he) was still able to with conviction and sincerity say I've got good news. I've come to show you how to live abundantly. And you know when I think about the disciples getting back from having been dispatched by Jesus to go and to proclaim the kingdom and to heal and to cast out demons when they come back in Mark to tell about their their tales of adventure. It's likely that Jesus has learned in that same timeframe that his cousin has had his head cut off because of Herod, you know. And so the idea of all those people coming back into your presence telling stories and talking over each other, and you won't believe what I accomplished. And Jesus says, well, let's go rest.

I would have said, so no one's interested in the week I've had‽ Do you know what just happened to the only other person in my family who gets me‽ and so then they go away to rest.

And people run around the lake and cut them off and ask for more. And Jesus sees them and has compassion on them and teaches them and feeds them says they are sheep without a shepherd. And once again, that's that's me. I'm like, Oh, look, the crowds want more. They want to take more from me. It's take take take with you people, you know, so John obviously has a role of de emphasizing himself and pointing a way to the Christ but then Christ is teaching us that there that compassion needn't be based on the concept of scarcity that Go get some rest but also pour yourself out.

Seth Price 42:13

For those listening, go out and buy his book Experiments in Honesty, the way that Steve retails. Bible passages and truths about the Bible. In a new lens is fantastic. Specifically, one of my favorite stories in the Bible is you know, the the paralyzed man that gets dropped down through the roof. And that is commingled with the song the boys are back in town. And so that is reason enough to go back and get the book.

So when I read that, Steve I did I started singing the song was I read the stories like this, this really works well. And good and I would hope that Jesus had that song playing in his head. You know, when he did you know, when he walked back into town? I'm sure he didn't, but it worked really well in my head.

So where would you point people to? To engage with you? The book is available everywhere, you know, good, fine, fantastic books are sold. But where would you point people to to either engage in you, engage in this work hear more of this type of stuff from you?

Steve Daugherty 43:13

Uh, you know, I'm on Facebook and Twitter. I've got a website that I don't use very well, but I still want people to it SteveDaugherty.net And so I write there, I've got some updates.

I've got a couple of things cooking, but like I said, I just don't use my website very well. But I'm on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, a lot. And I love going around and connecting with people when I do storytelling, or I go and speak and so that's a my favorite way to interact with people is in the same room. So I don't know when that'll happen, but the hope that it does.

Seth Price 43:52

Fantastic. Well, thank you again so much for your time this morning, Steve. I appreciate it.

Steve Daugherty 43:55

Thanks, Seth, it has been great.

Seth Price 44:31

The music in today's episode is from the band Citizens used with permission. You'll find links to today's tracks in the show notes. I'll talk with you next week. Thank you so much for being here.

Upending the Patriarchy with Carolyn Custis James / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Carolyn 0:00

What I've come to understand from my study of the Bible is that we have taken patriarchy as the Bible's message. And I think, and I've written about this in a book called Maelstrom, that the Bible dismantles patriarchy and it starts early on by doing that. When you look at Genesis one and two, God creates male and female to rule creation, to rule and subdue all of creation. He's entrusting his creation to them, for them to be his agents as his image bearers, and he's calling them to do it together and he blesses this arrangement. And so the rule is outward toward creation for flourishing.

Seth Price 1:22

Hi, welcome back to the Can I Say This At Church podcast, I am Seth and I am excited that you're listening. So we have teetered off at 75 reviews on iTunes, as of recording this towards the central part of March but we need to bust that to 100. I don't know why but 75 just feels…ehh…so if you have not yet done so please rate and review the show on iTunes. I would appreciate it. I love reading those. It's it's one of the it's one of the many forms of feedback that I really like. Which leads me to my next point. If you have not yet leave me a comment on the show, on Facebook or on Twitter or by email at CanISayThisAtChurch@gmail.com, I really love reading those, even if I don't necessarily agree with them or when you don't necessarily agree with the content of the show, I really enjoy the intentionality behind that. And I would encourage more of you to do so just let me know what you think what you want to hear even quite a few of the future guests that are currently being booked are a direct result from recommendations from the Patreon community and so, so thankful for that. If you haven't supported the show in that way. I would encourage you to do so find the links to that at Can I Say This At Church.com just click the big support button in the top right.

These past few years have just been different for me. I as many of you that listen know I have three kids, but two of them are just you know, young women and I'm terrified to mess up. I'm terrified to embrace a roll of patriarchy that is unhelpful and that is not truthful and that perpetuates a system where my daughters aren't allowed to be something just because they were born female. I don't believe it in any way, shape or form. But that leaves a lot of questions for me, you know, what's the role of man? Is that a role that even matters? How do we deal with that with intersex, stuff like that? There's just so many questions there and so it is a huge nugget to tackle. And so I sat down with Carolyn Custis James, and we talked a bit about patriarchy, and manhood and womanhood, and what it looks like to live in partnership together. And what that should look like in community with one another. I love this conversation. Very much so. So I can't wait for you to hear it. Here we go. Carolyn custis James.

Seth Price 4:11

Carolyn Custis James, welcome to the show. I'm excited that we could make this work. I'm excited that you said yes. One of the big lacking things in all of last year was I just don't have enough female voices. But what I find often in my life is female voices sound a lot more like the God that I want to worship, then the dad voice in me. And so I'm glad to have you on and I'm glad that you're here. Welcome.

Carolyn 4:37

Thank you. Well, I'm really pleased to be on your program.

Seth Price 4:42

Well good. There will probably be a bunch of people that are unfamiliar with you. And so if you could just in a nutshell over the handful of minutes, say, you know this is what makes Carolyn…Carolyn, kind of your upbringing and kind of theologically how you got to where you're at today for some context?

Carolyn 4:59

Okay. Well, I'm a PK (pastors kid). My father was a pastor. So I grew up in the church, I grew up on the Bible, and had a very specific idea of who I was as a female and what God's plan was for me. That I would marry after college, that I would become a mom that I would build my life around my husband and God's calling on his life. And what happened to me after college was really, I think all of my work ultimately has come out of the decade that followed college because I didn't get married. There wasn't anyone I wanted to marry. And at first it was, well, this is maybe a lull in the plan, that when as it stretched on it became more and more of a struggle of you know has God abandoned me because I thought everybody else stories moving forward and mine was going nowhere. And it also became a struggle with what it means to be a woman and what is God's calling on me is this something I can miss? Or, you know, as the the longer I was in this, the bigger the questions got them, you know, because I would see women who's, who got married in and couldn't have kids or who got married and their family fell apart, there was a divorce or something their (like) husband died, you know, and just the contingencies of life we're hitting all kinds of, you know, changing all kinds of stories. So the questions got bigger and bigger for me, and I ended up going to seminary during those years. And just had a hunger to go deeper. I was very frustrated with a lot of things that were written for women because I felt like we need we need more meat in our stories. I mean, I was I was finding that my understanding of God was not enough, and that I had a lot of false things that I believed about him that, you know, he would abandon me. Or that, you know, my story wouldn't matter as much as somebody else's to him.

And so that's where my work came from, you know, going back to the Scriptures and saying, okay, what is the Bible's message for women? And is it big enough for all of us? And does it begin when we begin or is it just a certain season of life that it covers? And does it go the full stretch to our last breath? And does it include every woman everywhere in the world no matter who she is or what she sees in the rearview mirror, what her circumstances are-and will it hold up, is it indestructible?

So my work really came out of that. It's centered on Biblical Studies. I go, you know, that's the heart of what I do, I want to know what, you know, God has said, I want to know what the vision is for us. And it has been an amazing adventure for me. And I actually ended up doing the same thing for men because the more I studied women, the more I realized that men ask the same questions, you know, is God's calling for me as a man something I can lose or ruin or be stolen from me?

Seth Price 8:30

Well, I can say we definitely have the same questions. We're just not…a lot of us just aren't public about it. And I find that the view of manhood is entirely informed less by the Bible and less by religion and theology and more by capitalism, and a measurement of me versus the neighbor, or me versus Tom Brady, because I don't have that many Super Bowl rings, or you know, me versus someone else. As opposed to me just being what I'm supposed to be—the best version of me.

Carolyn 9:05

There's no freedom in that there's no freedom in that.

Seth Price 9:08

No because I'm never gonna play in the Superbowl ever.

Carolyn 9:11

Yeah, well are you know who only one guy gets the Sexiest Man Alive every year.

Seth Price 9:18

..and they gave it to Blake Shelton, which is just awful. Have you seen it…doesn't matter. This isn't about Blake, I saw that I was like, this is this is a joke.

Carolyn 9:25

(Laughter) Seriously

Seth Price 9:26

You said something. Well, he does sing. Well, you said something just in there. You said, you know, does God's calling for women begin when we do? What do you mean, when you say that does it begin when we do?

Carolyn 9:37

Are we born with it? Because we look at you know, for me as a call as a young woman. I saw God's purpose for me as something that was down the road. So you look at a little girl. And you think well, you know, I wonder what God's purpose is for us? We're all looking for God's purpose, you know, but it's something that is future. And you know, there are little girls that don't live to be adults. And they're a little girls who are doing awesome things, who have a sense of God's hand on them. And, you know, sometimes they open their mouths and say things that shake us up spiritually.

You know, God all in the Bible, he's working through children. And we don't think like that, you know, I didn't grow up thinking that. I knew I needed to live as a Christian. But as far as you know, purpose and calling, it was future, and it's dependent on somebody else showing up and not on that God called me as me and my whole journey as part of his purposes for me. So it became very big, it's very, I spent a lot of time in Genesis 1 and 2 it's very empowering for women, it's wonderful good news for men. It's not swinging the pendulum at all. It's about that, you know, what God's calling in, on all of us as individuals but also together.

So I think my books break new ground in terms of how we talk about who we are as God's children. And I mean, it's been life changing. For me, I'll say that.

Seth Price 11:32

I've never written a book but I can say just the process of doing this having to constantly engage in new ideas has been life changing. For me, if anything, having to constantly wrestle with new ideas, to be able to talk to people like yourself, stretches me in ways that I'm uncomfortable with but I will say this, I'm no longer concerned with being stretched and that's probably a bad metaphor. Not that I like the stretching. It just used to really be uncomfortable and now it's more of a status quo. Maybe I'm more, I don't know, that slime that the kids make maybe I'm getting to look more like that and less like a like a rigid mold.

So one of the things I like to do is ask smarter people than me for good questions to other people that are smarter than me. And so we'll put you on that list. So I asked someone this morning I said, Hey, if I'm talking with Carolyn Custis James, what would you ask? And so I want to verbatim read her question that this is someone that has very similar degrees with you.

So they have a degree in sociology and an Indian and they have divinity training and Biblical Studies training. And so she wanted to know,

how do you believe that your study in sociology influences the way that you understand God and the Bible?

Like how has that sociological training either changed or helped inform or help remove how you read Scripture?

Carolyn 12:49

You know, I think we have too narrow of a discussion of Scripture. That we need to bring people into the conversation from all different kinds of background we need to bring artists in, we need to bring medical people in, we need to bring laborers in, we need to bring people who are cooking meals. And you know, and for me, Sociology and Anthropology are huge in terms of understanding Scripture.

I think that one of the things that I always say and that I always remind myself of when I open the Bible is that I am not reading an American book. And if I only look at the Bible as an American, through an American Western lens, I'm going to abuse the text. I'm going to miss the message. I will at least diminish it. I may distort it completely. But I won't understand the power of that message. Because I am foreign to the world of the Bible.

So to understand the sociology, you know how the culture works, how men and women were viewed in the culture, what were the operational mores that govern their lives? I'm going to, I'm going to make a hash out of it. And we've done that out of so many stories. Let me give you a really simple example. You know, the story of Jesus and Mary of Bethany, where she's sitting at the feet of Rabbi Jesus, it's an expression that defines her as a Rabbinical student. And we hear sermons on that text that talk about we need to have quiet time, we need to not be so busy. You know it's hard to be impressed with what's going on in that text.

But after 9/11, we learned that in Afghanistan, girls celebrated their 8th birthday by having their education ended. And we hear stories of Malala from Pakistan, and how she was shot going to school, and being an advocate for education for girls. If you took the story of Jesus and Mary of Bethany into those cultures and told them that story, they would tell you what it means. And it would be completely different! I mean, they would absolutely love Jesus, because he is saying that women and girls need to learn. And above all, they need to learn about who God is and who Jesus is but they need to use their minds just the same as the man. She was in a room full of men when she was doing this and her sister comes in the room and you've got juxtapose the place that women belong in, which is preparing the meal for the man who are going to eat without the women in that culture. And her sister who is sitting there learning and I think what the interaction in that story is Jesus appealing to Martha to join her sister.

And there's evidence in conversations she has afterwards, Martha has afterwards with Jesus, that she did exactly that. But we don't get that, you know, because we're not in a culture, you know, our culture women are getting graduate degrees and becoming professors. So understanding the sociological anthropological context of that of that narrative, changes the whole story. And it does it over and over and over again in the Bible.

Seth Price 16:54

One of the biggest themes in a lot of your writing is the role of patriarchy and I don't want to say matriarchy, because I don't really know how to define either one of those. But patriarchy for me has always been just the implicit of, I'm the head of my house and so what I say, is the rules. But that may have just been the way that I was raised. And so I would be a fool. And I think I said this in the email, I'd be a fool not to discuss patriarchy with you, specifically, on ways that we have done it poorly.

I feel like there's a lot of resources on ways to do it well, but I felt like to talk about ways that we do it well, without making the status of you know, here's what we have done in the past will be hard to move forward or hard to at least agree upon. A here's what we do now. And here's why that is dangerous. I think dangerous is the right word. And I only say that because I have two small girls. And I'm really afraid, Carolyn, of doing it wrong. I'm afraid of modeling what a man should be. And do it wrong in a way that impacts you know, their marriages and their relationships. Their relationship with me their relationships with boys that they go to school with. So, how would you define patriarchy as a status quo now, how are we doing it wrong currently?

Carolyn 18:11

Let me dig deeper than that.

Seth Price 18:13

Okay.

Carolyn 18:15

Okay.

Because what I've come to understand from my study of the Bible is that we have taken patriarchy as the Bible's message. And I think and I've written about this in a book called Maelstrom, that the Bible dismantles patriarchy, and it starts early on by doing that, when you look at Genesis 1&2, God creates male and female to rule creation, to rule and subdue all creation. He's entrusting his creation to them, for them to be his agents as his imagebearers, and he's calling them to do it together. And he blesses this arrangement.

And so the rule is outward toward creation for flourishing. All right, it's not about power, the power is God's power and he's entrusting that to us to serve His purposes. You only have the rule over after the fall. After the fall, that's where I think patriarchy begins where, you know, in God's judgment and in the Curse, in the consequences of the fall. It is that the man who is typically stronger is going to rule rule over the woman. And that takes all sorts of all sorts of forms.

You know, in our culture, if we understand and this is how, the kinder, gentler, version of patriarchy is portrayed. That the man is the head of the home, that he's the leader in the home, that the woman's role is to submit to Him. And, you know, when you're a single woman like I was for 10 years, you have to step up, you know, you have to be able to be the breadwinner, you have to be able to protect yourself. You have to be able to make decisions and assert yourself in various situations. What the instinct is from that is that when you get married, you're going to pull back, you're going to pull back. What happened to me, I was single for 10 years and I thought that was the way things were supposed to work. So I felt like I didn't really have a story the story was supposed to show up in the form of a husband and we were going to do him.

And what happened when we were first married, I married a man who was raised by a single mom. And he didn't come at any sense of the traditional marriage, although he was, you know, Biblical scholar. He was in seminary, he's got two doctorates. So you know, he's not somebody who's just winging it. But when we were first married, he said to me, “You need to find out what your gifts are, and what God is calling you to do with your life. And I'm not the answer to that question”. And he has pushed me to find out what God wants me to do. And it has been life changing for me that I have a husband who is going to champion me and I'm going to invest in him with heart and soul everything about him and his career. I, you know, a lot of the work I did was to finance his education and we were a team in that. But it was an eye opener for me to not to feel like okay, now, what matter are his gifts and what God's called him to be and do because, you know, it happens to women all the time. A husband goes out jogging and drops dead in the road and where she? She's lost her story. She's, you know, who is she headless? What are we talking about?

You know, and for me, I think, you know, God's purposes for his sons and daughters, call us to be all in in what he is doing in the world, that each of us has responsibility for stewardship of the gifts that he's entrusted to us. And that it's not a competition. It's not, you know, which way is the pendulum gonna swing it’s that we're in it together. And I want to be the strongest champion for my husband, I want to be his strongest advocate, I want to watch his back I want to you know, I want him to walk with God and and if he's headed down the wrong path, I want to be the first roadblock he encounters. You know, because both of us are fully engaged in what God is doing. And it has been life saving for me because life has twists and turns.

You know, my husband has moved from different jobs that he's had. And it I haven't lost my identity, you know, because his job description changed. You know, so it's, for me, it's much bigger than we let it be. When we come up with these rules. I think what what patriarchy does to us is it makes us define ourselves horizontally, instead of defining ourselves by, you know, I'm God's image bear. And I'm going to live this out as a single woman, or I'm going to live this out as a single man, or I'm going to live this out as a child, or an elderly person with an empty nest and maybe widowed or, you know, who knows? That it's this way that Genesis 1&2 defines us, but it calls us to need each other in profound ways.

And so you know, I think the patriarchal model makes men look for women who will submit. They're not they're not looking for somebody who's going to be fully engaged with them, somebody who's going to be a strong spiritual influence in their life, a real sounding board for them, they're going to look for somebody who will lead who they can somebody they can lead. And there are times in a marriage relationship when you know, the woman will lead. And there are situations in the Bible where you have a woman stepping up and leading, and she's not breaking the rules and she's not feminizing a man or emasculating him. She's doing what God's calling her to do!

And so I think we make rules that limit what we're going to do in terms of stewarding the opportunities and the gifts that God has given us. You know, you have little girls and there are treasures inside of them that you God has placed there that you want to see flourish and you don’t want to see some guy come into their life that's going to make them shut that down. You'd like to see a man come into their lives who would say this is treasure that we need to release for God's purposes in the world and that will be blessed and empowered himself by having that kind of a life.

Seth Price 27:00

So I want to build on that. I feel well, I don’t really, usually get person on the show, but we're talking about my daughters. And so I will. So I have my oldest is a boy. And then the other two are daughters. And so I feel like I often do a very piss poor job of modeling what a good father should be. Because I, everybody loses their anger or everyone has an issue and I don't model it well. And so what are for people listening some practical ways. And I don't honestly even care because I know there are people that aren't Christian that listen as well. So what are some practical ways to model…What I don't want is this, what I don't want is in 40 years, my daughter decides to run for Congress, and we celebrate with the small handclap that there's now finally 35 new members of Congress and they happen to be women. I don't want that to be Let's celebrate that but because of new ideas, let's not celebrate it because of gender.

So I don't…I don't know how to model that well. I don't know how to connect with a part for me that can either display what they should be looking for, if that's even the right question to ask. And I also don't really know what to say, to foster conversation around it. Because it's not the inherent…it's not how I was taught to, quote unquote, do things, nothing against the way I was taught to do things. It made me what I am today, but I want to do better. And I know that I'm not. So how can I and other fathers and mothers listening do that? What are some practical ways to do it?

Carolyn 28:36

For their daughter?

Seth Price 28:38

Yeah, even for my son, because if I do it wrong, I'll exacerbate the problem for an entire other generation.

Carolyn 28:44

Yeah, well, and all of us do it wrong in some ways, you know, because a lot of the things I've learned subsequent to, you know, our daughter being a little girl. One of the things that I think is very powerful is when you look at Genesis 2 and the creation of the female. When we look at Genesis 2, we think in terms of marriage, that's what the sermons talk about, you know, this is the creation of marriage, but it's not it's the creation of male and female. And, and we sort of trivialize it and make jokes about it. But, you know, that's where I went to find out is this talking to me, I'm a single woman, you know, and the language that she used in there only talks about marriage at the very end of the of the chapter. God has created ADAM and he has just named the animals and you know, when we look at the creation of the man, the first human he's created at the climax of God's history of God's creative activity. So we're looking at a masterpiece. We're not looking at something that's there's something wrong with him, if God is teaching us about male female relationships, and he looks at the man and he says it's not good for him to be alone, and this is what he needs.

And he uses two words to describe the woman; it’s the Hebrew word Ezer which we just translated as “helper”. And the Hebrew word, kenegdô , which is to say she is his match.

The word Ezer, what scholars typically do when they come across a word like that, this is a word for the woman, the female. They do an inventory and see how it's used in the Bible and this word is use 21 times in the Old Testament, it's used twice for the woman in Genesis it's used three times for countries where Israel is asking them to send their armies. They're asking for military aid, because they're under attack and they're being overpowered; send your armies. The remaining 16 times it's used for God as the helper of his people. So when that was discovered, they upgraded helper to strong helper. And what I did is I went and looked up all of those verses and there started to be a pattern where it's military language is used all around the word Ezer. So you know, since your armies for the three nations, it's very clear what their wanting. When it's used for God in every single passage there’s military language God is better than chariots and horses. He's our shield and defense. He stands century watch over his people, he the kind of help he's bringing his people is monumental. Then we go back to the Garden of Eden, which we've talked about is paradise.

But when you look at it closely, Eden is a warzone. There's an enemy getting ready to attack. God commands the man to guard the garden and the male and female are created to rule and subdue, which means even in an unfallen world, there will be resistance to their efforts. And I believe that the Ezer is a warrior, that she brings her full strength to the purposes of God that she stands alongside the man that he needs everything she can bring to the battle. And that it's a battle for good, and it's a battle for God's purposes. Little girls are Ezers. I've met with little girls, there was a group of little girls here, they were middle school girls, and they had read through my book, Lost Women of the Bible, where I talked about the Ezer and I show how women in the Bible, live that out. And I wanted to meet them when I heard that they had gone through this book together.

And it was incredible to meet with these little sixth, seventh, eighth grade girls who were absolutely on fire. And they want to serve God and and they wanted to live him and everything matters about their story, it's not down the road, it's here and now, you know, so I think in parenting, we need to have a big vision. It's not to put pressure on them, but to open doors and let them explore, you know, what are their gifts? Is this child an artist is this child an athlete? Is this child interested in science or math or, you know, to cheer them on? And, you know, to see them blossom and give them a sense of God's purpose for you as now and you're out there with your friends. You're in situations nobody else is in how are you a light there? How are you bringing God's good purposes into your friendships?

You know, it's just, it's, it's very big. And, you know, I think we should have that kind of a vision instead of saying “You know, someday your prince will come, you know, someday somebody is going to come along who's going to support you”. You know that doesn't happen to everybody. And so and in our culture, you know, we have, we have more freedoms than women do in other cultures than women did in the cultures of the Biblical times. And so they, you know, our girls can go further and do more than girls can in other cultures and I think that we have responsibility for the opportunities that and the blessings that we have.

Seth Price 34:43

So as a father, if I do that, and I do it well, and I allow her, them, to either succeed or fail without stepping in and helicopter parenting, when I model that, it's usually I feel like I'm giving up a power that I had before. Really, I just assumed I didn't really have it. I just flexed it from birth and so it's mine. And so what a men do, what's a good what's a good posture for men as we're allowing females in our, in our realm of influence in our circle, to do things that may be in past generations, you'll see this a lot of Thanksgiving, you know, people judging whose wife does on what, and people judging, you know, my mom, you know, they always would bring me this, or they would do this or do that.

So as men begin to cede power, to allow females to actually be helpers to allow them to do what they're called to do for now. How do we sit with that tension? As a man, how would you advise someone as myself like, don't take it personal? Like it's, it's okay, you, I don't really know how to voice it. Well, hopefully, you know what I'm trying to say…

Carolyn 35:46

I mean, I think that's a great question to ask because a lot, a lot of men feel that way. I don't think you're ceding power. I think you're using your power. I mean, what my husband did for me he could do because he had power. And I, you know, I see, you know, male power and privilege are realities in our culture. And I don't see God calling you to become weak or less. I see him calling you to use that power. I mean, you have no idea what it means to a woman when a man speaks into her story and says, I believe in you. And you can do more or you have gifts and you need to find out what God wants you to do with those gifts.

The best example that I find in the Old Testament for this is the story of Ruth and Boaz. Because she comes into the story, in today's world we would call her an Arab, we would call her an immigrant, we would call her undocumented. You know, and she's on welfare, she goes on welfare to feed her mother in law and herself. And she has ideas because she's got a different point of view coming from that side of things.

And so she's on the hungry side of the law. And she makes these initiatives with him where they're discussing Mosaic law, and she's got a bigger vision of, you know the law says, “Let them gleam”, that's the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law says to feed them.

And she and Boaz have these conversations where, according to the culture, he shouldn't even talk to her. He should, you know, throw her out of his field for being so forward and in making a proposal like that which is actually can be understood as a critique of how he's doing things. But he's a big enough man to listen to her. And he uses his male power and privilege in the most extraordinary and sacrificial ways to empower her to succeed in what she's fighting to do for her mother in law. So he is not diminished at all by what he does; he's using his power not for himself. Although if it causes him to stand taller, I think way taller than he did even before, but he uses it to cause the flourishing of others. And what happens is that there is a ripple effect to what happens here that it impacts the whole village. It impacts the future of the nation it impacts the future of the world.m because ultimately it leads to Jesus. But I think it's a big mistake to say I'm called to be less, if I call my daughters or my wife to be more. And, I think, you know, it's if you've got somebody stronger by your side, you're going to be stronger in the battles of life.

You know, you don't have to solo this. You've got a team. You know, you're Tom Brady, you are, you know, you've got a team and the team, you can empower that team. And, you know, I feel like that's what my husband did for me. It was a shock. Because I thought, okay, now I know what the rules are here. You know, and so I headed for the kitchen and I knew I needed to get a job to help him finish his seminary education that might be plan was to stop. And, you know, that just was bewildering to him that I would, you know, back off once he got his degree. He wanted me to use all my gifts and to go beyond my comfort zone and he celebrates all of that. And we're not in a competition. You know, I want the same for him when he walks in the door at night. I want to know how his day went, I want to know if he's struggling. I want to know, if he's, you know, got a big opportunity and I want to be cheering him on. And that's, I think the mistake that we make. I think the vision in Genesis 1&2 is that we are better when we work together. And we are better when we bring our full strength.

One of the stories that I tell is that back in 2006, there was in the national news, a story about three climbers who were lost on Mount Hood in Oregon. And the story captivated the media for a solid week. And three of them were lost. There were terrible storms going on that week on the mountain and there were a lot of other climbers, rescue workers are headed for the mountain when this happened. One of those climbers was my husband's younger brother. And at the end of the week, they were all Christians, all three of these guys it was an incredible week. I mean, my husband was on all the networks being interviewed about what was going on and being the point person for the three families.

But I have to tell you, that as a member of the family, it did not matter to us who reached those climbers, whether it was a man or a woman, and there were male and female rescue workers, we just wanted them home alive. You know, and we lost all three of them in the end, but I'm just saying, you know, when we look at our mission, the mission that God has entrusted to his image bearers in the world, we can't afford for anybody to hold back. And, as a man, you are in a position to make a huge difference, to have a have a ripple effect by how you become a champion for all of your kids, your son, and your daughters, and your wife, and the people you encounter.

And I think that the patriarchal model forces men to look at themselves and “am I making the decisions” or “am I being strong enough” or isn't everybody looking to me for decision and leadership and provision and protection. You know, if something happened to you where you were disabled or you, you know, couldn't keep a job or, you know, the economy crashed or something. You you suffer as a man because you couldn't be and do the kinds of things that patriarchy tells you you should be doing. Instead of saying, here's a new battle, how are we going to engage this new battle together? And, you know, trusting God that he's sovereign over everything, and that he moves us into different circumstances, but that we are here to be for one another.

And, you know, the stories that come out of this, you know, I hear men talking about, you know, how this bless their lives and caused them to flourish more. But I've read books that, you know, say, you know, God is calling us to be weak as men, you know that as men, we need to…you can't shed your male power and privilege, you know, the culture gives it to you. It is what you do with it that matters, you know, if you do it to guard yourself in your own position, and to feel like somebody else's success is a threat, you know, then it's going to be a different story than if you have the freedom to say, you know, God has entrusted me with these gifts of power and privilege and what am I going to do?

Seth Price 44:39

Hmm, Carolyn, I had so many more questions, but that is a beautiful spot to end because it's a call to action, not just for men, it's called action, just period. I may if you're willing, sometime in the future, I'd like to have you back on because I want to talk about Ruth specifically because she continues to pop up over and over and over again recently-and either that's because I'm paying attention like I bought a Honda Odyssey and so now all I see is Honda Odysseys or it's something new, I don't know which so if you're willing, sometime in the future, I'd love to have you back on to talk about that. But I want to be respectful of both of our times. Thank you so much for coming on. I've thoroughly enjoyed this.

Carolyn 45:18

Oh you are welcome. You are welcome it’s a pleasure.

Seth Price 45:35

The music featured in today's episode is from artists Tina Boonstra. You can find more of her music in the show notes. And as always, you will find the tracks listed in today's show. On the Can I Say This At Church Spotify playlist.

Seth Price 46:06

This was so fun of a conversation to have. I'm so thankful to have so many brilliant minds come on the show, and Carolyn is among them. So after recording, she gave me a few books that I know my church has begun using. And my daughter came home after one Sunday evening of being engaged with it and was like, did you know about Miriam as they're going through the story of Moses? And I'll be honest, I didn't.

And the feedback that I've gotten just locally or from adults even and from, you know, the pastors that are church and whatnot has just been amazing. And so I will link some of the texts that she had said, Hey, for people like you Seth that are dealing with, you know, how do we talk about biblical women in the Bible in a way that has a different lens. And so after the fact she gave me some of that information, and I will share that with you and I will challenge you. Men and women alike, listening to this we can be better within the terms of a generation we can make the world something better, something more loving. And something that stretches us both equally and pushes everyone to succeed better.

I can't wait to see what that world looks like and I hope I'm still alive when we get some form of closer to it. I wish you all well, talk to you next week.